All the Time in the World

Tuesday, February 20th 2018

7:19 AM

This will be my first journal entry that I upload online to, a website I started nearly 10 years ago when I was 15 years old, as a freshman in high school on February 15th 2009. For around 5 the years that I worked on it, went from 0 visitors a day, to 200 visitors a day, to 2000, to at its peak, over 100,000 visitors a day.

I think the most in one day was over 200,000, but I don't remember the exact numbers and I no longer have access to those old visitor logs. used to be one of the top 100,000 websites on the Internet according to worldwide traffic.

Sometime in 2015, I stopped maintaining and updating this website. I changed webhosts at one point and wanted to delete all the website files and start again from scratch. I ended up deleting all the website files (they're still archived somewhere), but since recreating the site would take more effort, I didn't bother starting the website from scratch again. became an empty domain. It became just a blank white page and its visitor count dropped to zero, and it was like that for around 3 years until today when I decided to update it again by turning it into my personal journaling and portfolio website. Website traffic competition is a lot tougher these days than it was in 2009, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to get that placement back again, but I sure will try.

For my daily journal entries, it's currently Day 485, that's how many days so far I've been writing this series of daily journal entries. My first series I actually started back in 10th grade during my last few days of being a 15 year old, and I kept it up for a few years until I was a bit over 19 years old. I'm not sure why I ever stopped, but I kept all my writing in a single word document that spanned well over 1000 pages (I think it was single spaced but I don't remember for sure). Actually I just checked, and that old journal was split into two files, and in total spanned 948 pages with a mix of both double and single spacing (it was mainly double spaced).

Then just around a year and a half ago (485 days to be exact) I decided to start a daily journal again, and wrote one daily ever since (although I admit I would skip some days and I would end up going back and writing them). This is the first journal entry I'm uploading to, because the time felt appropriate.

8:13 AM

All the time in the world. That's what I have right now. I'm unemployed and don't have a thing to do. I'm a blank slate, I don't know anything, almost literally. I don't have any skills and haven't accomplished or created anything during the past couple of years. Formerly I was a jack of all trades, I knew a little bit about everything; I did web page development both front and back end, I created apps and games, I recorded and edited videos, I wrote articles and stories, pretty much whatever.

Nowadays my skill in these fields are so general they're basically useless in today's society, and I've mainly forgotten everything. This is what happens when you don't use your skills for several years. I barely remember anything about web page development, I no longer know how to make any apps or games and don't remember how (although my apps are still available online in the iOS store), I can still record and edit videos but that's something you never forget, and I can still write articles and stories because I've worked on my writing daily with these journal entries.

I'm 24. I don't know how to draw, I don't remember any math, I don't remember how to program. I've never been in a relationship. I don't have a degree. I have no skills or abilities that will help me in this modern society. I'm also overweight. I'm pretty much broke. I have shitty eyesight. Two of my relatives just died this month, one just less than a week ago and just three days after I last saw him. I have zero visitors to this site.

I'm starting from nothing and with nothing. There's no better way to start a story.

8:33 AM

I do have a plan however, and it's this really powerful advantage. I have all the free time in the world. I have no duties or responsibilities, I just have time and I can choose to do anything I want with it. Unfortunately one of my weaknesses and the reason why the old stopped getting updated, the reason why I stopped my first series of journal entries for several years, the reason why I forgot everything including all my skills, and the reason why I basically haven't done shit with my life; is that I procrastinate and I lose interest.

You know what I did the past few days? Nothing. I stayed at home, watched anime, ate food, slept. Wasted my time. I was actually in the Philippines for the past 2 weeks for my grandmother's wake ceremony and funeral, and 4 days ago was my first day back in the States. During the 25+ hours of plane flight home, I imagined myself becoming an extremely productive and hardworking person, reading and studying, and accomplishing so much for the opportunity to live in this first world country. Instead, I did nothing the past 4 days.

The time just went by and I wasted every second. I actually lie down on the floor to use my computer, so literally for the past 4 days I just lied on the floor in front of a screen, watching anime. I wish I were joking. I can never retrieve those 4 days back. I didn't read or study or do anything at all worthwhile. That's how much I procrastinate and that's how skilled I am at it. I used to have a job before my unemployment, and I worked really hard, I wasn't lazy at all, because it was my responsibility to get the work done.

At home though, being the leader of my life, there's no pressure for me to do anything, so I don't do anything. What's the point? Just kidding. Of course now that I've started this journal entry and uploaded it online, I'm forced to do something. This is the journal entry of the adventures of someone who has all the time in the world to do anything. I want to take advantage of this time.

My sleep schedule is a bit messed up so I might take a nap and/or go to sleep right now.

9:03 PM

It's 9:03 PM now, I woke up at around 7 PM, I fell asleep for nearly 12 hours. The past two hours I've been wasting my time.

9:15 PM

I'm having dinner now, it's beans and rice with some flaxseed, and a vegan patty for flavoring. Without the patty my meal would be around 25 cents, if I was just having beans and rice. With the patty, it's more like 80 cents. Yeah the patty is expensive and unnecessary, but my dad buys it for himself and he eats it, but I'm having some because it's extra flavor.

I'm going to watch Scott H Young's TedX talk about getting an MIT education for $2000.

9:40 PM

I'm going to be keeping a timelog now. From the video, I learned that it helps improves productivity by a lot.

10:06 PM

Yeah. This is why I need a timelog. I just spent the past 26 minutes watching YouTube videos. I'll put the timelog at the bottom of this journal entry. I'll do it in this format:

Start Time - Activity - End Time

And there we go, I added the current time, and once I finish this activity, I'll end the time, and write down the next time and what I'm doing next. Okay so I want to learn how to draw, I want to relearn math, and I want to relearn how to manage websites and recreate them. I also want to lose weight. I'm going to take pictures of myself tonight and upload them online here, they'll just be what I look like from today's starting point.

For drawing, I'm going to be reading this book called "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" which I'm not sure where it is. I'm going to go looking for it.

10:16 PM

Okay I'm back. I was able to find the book and a bunch of drawing material I have, some erasers, and colored pencils, and my drawing notebook. So that's there, organized into one neat pile. There's my drawing out of the way and ready when I want to.

Now I also have web development work to do, and it's been over 36 hours since I last replied, so I'm going to get back to my client now.

10:37 PM

I took a break for way too long. I basically talked to my dad for a while, did some web browsing, watched some YouTube videos, and just overall dawdled.

11:59 PM

I took photos of my face and my body. I also put up some new pictures onto Instagram. I'm going to be putting up my daily photos on Instagram again, and this website too, just so I can keep track of myself, how I look, etc.

Time Log

10:07 PM – Writing Journal – 10:10 PM

10:10 PM – Looking for the Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain book – 10:12 PM

10:12 PM – Looking for drawing materials – 10:16 PM

10:16 PM – Writing Journal – 10:18 PM

10:18 PM – Web Development Work for Client – 11:00 PM

11:00 PM – Break – 11:37 PM

11:37 PM – Writing Journal – 11:37 PM

11:37 PM – Wasting Time – 11:41 PM

11:41 PM – Taking Photos – 11:59 PM

11:59 PM – Writing Journal – 11:59 PM

Wednesday, February 21st 2018

12:13 AM

I was wasting time again. Time to upload my photos online.

12:33 AM

It didn't actually take me 20 minutes to just write a description and upload the photos. I admit I did some unnecessary web browsing during that time period too. I've been awake for a few hours now and so far haven't done anything yet. I'm going to go out for a walk tonight to get my daily exercise in. Just a small amount of walking.

First I need to change my clothes and get other things I need.

2:41 AM

It took me nearly 30 minutes to remove a callus from my foot? Geez that time is over an episode of any anime. Anyway, I'm hungry so I'm going to prepare some food and eat.

3:14 AM

I really just played GTA V for maybe a minute or two, because the loading times for the game took forever, before quitting. I didn't even do anything, I just spawned in the game, I walked around, didn't even get into my car, and then I quit. I uninstalled the game. I realized that this would be a waste of time and I wouldn't get anything from it, so I quit.

3:23 AM

I'm now going to work on and uploading my first journal entry online. It's going to be a portfolio but I want to just upload a simple web page to begin with. It will literally be a blank white page with just text on it, and then possibly pictures at the bottom. I'm going to have to come up with a way to better format it later on.

8:43 AM

Wait it's 8:43 AM already?! Yeah I spent the past five hours doing absolutely nothing. I didn't get anything done. Nothing. I downloaded VS Code and was installing it, then it said I didn't have GIT installed, so I went and installed that. Then I just browsed the Internet for several hours, reading, looking at memes, watching videos. The time can really go by quickly, and this time log helps me keep track of it all.

8:48 AM

In order to cook beans you first have to soak them for 8 hours in water, then empty out the water to get rid of the contaminants, and then you can cook the beans. They don't actually take 4 minutes to soak, but I got distracted, I also used the bathroom, talked to my dad for a while, accidentally used the Internet again for a while, before remembering I had to do other things.

Yeah, I still have to upload my first journal entry onto the website. First I have to set up VS Code though.

11:11 AM

Nice, it works! It converts a regular word document like this journal entry, into a workable html page. I just have to make sure the Time Log is displayed properly too at the end.

11:19 AM

Nice! It outputs a very workable HTML page that just has the entire journal entry just like how it is in my word document. You can pretty much just upload this HTML document online and it would work properly. I think I'll do that now actually. Let me ponder it for a second to see if it's ready.

Yeah, it looks ready. I'm going to just upload this file as the index.html for for now and will update it with pictures later.

11:59 AM

Done! I'm proud. It looks nice. It's literally just a blank text document on the website. That's it. Just this blank HTML document with nothing on it except for this bland little journal entry. It's literally a white page with a bunch of text on it. There's no styling or anything, but it still looks nice.

I'm going to work on adding the template design and other things to it in time. For now, this is good. Photos and images need to be added too. Also my script is pretty much shit in the way it's organized. It's been a while (possibly longer than a year, I can't even recall the last thing I worked on) since I last programmed anything and it took a while to getting used to again today, but I had fun getting into it again.

1:14 PM

Well I tried to go to sleep but couldn't. I had too many questions in my mind that I had to look up online, not to mention that my windows are open and it's a bright and sunny day outside and the light is pouring into my room. But mainly I kept thinking about death again and how it was eternal, death is a recurring theme in my journals and something I write about often.

I'm afraid to die because I can't control when I die. It would be so much easier if I could just press a button – here, I'm ready to die today, I've said my goodbyes, I've done all I wanted to do, so now I want to just die – and choose to die whenever. Unfortunately it's not that easy. We have no idea when we'll die, and we don't know how much pain we'll go through. Most people today die in the hospital, usually in pain, usually from sickness that can't be cured.

Why can't they just be given the option to die if they wanted to? I looked it up and you can't even choose when to die yourself. You have to die slowly and painfully, and you have to pay the medical bills for them keeping you barely alive in the hospital. That's immoral. I want to be given the option to die when I want, on my own terms, at anytime, even today, even right now. I don't want to live to an old age just to be sick, unable to do anything, and just be barely alive for no reason. That's suffering.

It would be even more painful for me to realize that my family and loved ones would be left with a large bill to pay, and they have to pay for a funeral to conduct. Then they would be completely unprepared for it all. They don't know that, oh hey, this is this person's last moments alive, we better get ready and say our last words and everything, possibly bring them home or wheel them around to where they want to go. No. You stay in the hospital, barely alive, paying the bills, then you die.

I think that should be something we all vote for. The option to die whenever we want. Why do we want to prevent suicide? Why is there even such thing as suicide prevention? What the fuck? Reading differing opinions online, people say it's legally to allow cops to stop a suicide from happening, and it's also possibly because the church deemed it as a sin to commit suicide and therefore it was historically outlawed.

Man. There's no point in life at all. Zero. Your existence, my existence, it doesn't matter. We all die someday and nothing matters. It's a terrible "modern" society that we live in today where you can't even choose to end your life at any moment if you wanted to. I mean seriously, what's the point of getting old, only to just die later...? What's the point of getting older, each second literally a second closer to your death?

I'm not going to be this age forever, not even close. I'll be 24 for a very finite amount of time, just a year in total in fact, and I've already gone through around half of my year already. How must it feel to be 40+ right now? At 40+ to know that you're most likely over the halfway point of your life. At 24 I'm already thinking about death, and how inevitable it is. Every day is literally just one day closer to dying. I can prolong my life by being healthy and doing health building activities, but there's nothing I can do about the inevitability of my life ending at some point.

So, why are we imprisoned in this life? If we all know that we're all going to die at some point in time, and once that happens, it's as if nothing we did ever mattered, why aren't we just given the option to end it at any moment? I would love that option. I wouldn't say I'm suicidal, I don't want to kill myself right now, but for the future, I might just want to have that option.

Oh yeah, death is a scary place. I've gone through nearly an entire course on death, on how different religions and cultures view death, I have several books on death, I've read through first hand experiences on death happening right in front of them, I've had first hand experience of death of some of my pets myself, and so on. I'm deeply fascinated and mesmerized by death. It's something I think about often, something I've done a lot of reading and study on, it's something I know a good amount of, a lot more than most people, which is ridiculous because it's something that happens to all of us.

What most people think is "Ah, my religion told me this is what happens when you die" and so that's all they believe. It's as if to them, no other religion exists in the world, and that theirs is the only one. Today there's five main "big" religions, but there's still hundreds of tiny follower religions that exist today, and tens of thousands that existed throughout human history. From studying different cultures and religions, literally every religion has a different story and interpretation on what happens in death.

What really annoys me the most is the humancentrism of some religions, so now not only do a lot of people think that only their religion exists (or they do understand that other religions exist, but somehow are deluded into thinking theirs is right and everyone else's is wrong, not to mention the existence of "dead" religions that used to have tens of millions of followers like the Ancient Greek and Roman religion or Aztec religions, and these guys also thought their religion was right), but now only humans are the only living creatures. Because in some of these religions, oh if you die then you either go to heaven or hell, but if this animal dies then nothing happens to them. Why? Well because God says so.

Wait wait wait, so humans are made of mud and dirt, and we all come from Adam and Eve who talked to a snake and the reason why death and all bad things exists is because Eve took a bite from an apple, the reason why different languages exist is because they made a tower so big that it angered god who then blew up that tower and split everyone up into different languages, and there's so many other stories that are so ridiculous they're funny, and people actually believe this stuff.

It's like the skeptical lightbulb is turned off in some people's heads, because people literally dedicate their entire lives to a work of fiction, literally entire schools with thousands of people enrolled dedicate their entire teachings to these stories. Literally people give away millions of dollars for free to their religion for no reason other than to keep the religion going, despite religions having a history of executing people who made scientific discoveries that contradicted its teachings. I wish I were joking.

Anyway, my main annoyance with some religions is that they're humancentric, as if no other animals or creatures are alive in this world. It's ridiculous. Oh, yeah, we go to heaven or hell, but animals, hmm. They don't have souls. Yeah. We have souls because we're special, but apes, elephants, hmmm.... Nope. Just humans... Oh yeah, me saying only humans have souls has nothing to do with me being a human and me preferring my own species over any other. If another alien race far superior to humans in every way shows up, ooh, they don't have souls, and they weren't made in God's image, like humans were, soooo they won't be in hell or heaven either, nope. Just humans.

Fuck religion.

8:28 PM

I just woke up. I have homework due tonight at 11:55 PM. I'm going to work on that now.

11:38 PM

Well I did the easy homework that I had due tonight, but there was the reading assignment and programming assignment due that I didn't work on. I actually could have done the programming assignment if I worked on it since 8 PM when I woke up, but I started on it late, literally at 11:34 PM, around 21 minutes before it would be due, and during the few minutes I worked on all I did was read what we had to do. It was this long page describing what was required, and so I concluded there was no point in trying to finish it.

I just submitted my assignment saying I ran into errors which made me unable to complete the assignment, which was true, but I was able to fix the errors. So I posted that I fixed the errors but there wasn't enough time left to complete the assignment but would submit it anyway (sometimes people give you a good grade for literally nothing. I'm not joking. You're graded by your peers, and I've gotten a perfect score once from submitting an almost blank homework assignment).

Anyway, there's nothing I can do about that homework assignment now except not procrastinate in the future.

I guess I should upload my photos for today next.

11:57 PM

Well that's the end of my day today. I'm going to now just spend the beginning of tomorrow studying and reviewing what I did today and see where I did well, and where I can improve. Some of the time log stuff are wrong, like I would be distracted pretty often and open up new tabs in my browser, while claiming I was only "doing homework" or something else. I need to fix that. When I say I'm doing something for a certain time period, that's the only thing I need to be doing.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Wasting Time – 12:13 AM

12:13 AM – Uploading Photos to Instagram – 12:33 AM

12:33 AM – Writing Journal – 12:34 AM

12:34 AM – Preparing to Walk Outside – 12:40 AM

12:40 AM – Walking Outside – 2:03 AM

2:03 AM – Wasting Time 2:14 AM

2:14 AM – Removing Callus – 2:40 AM

2:41 AM – Writing Journal - 2:42 AM

2:42 AM – Preparing Food – 2:49 AM

2:49 AM – Eating Food – 3:05 AM

3:05 AM – GTA V – 3:14 AM

3:14 AM – Writing Journal – 3:16 AM

3:16 AM – Reading Online – 3:23 AM

3:23 AM – Writing Journal – 3:25 AM

3:25 – Wasting Time 3:34 AM

3:34 AM – Working on – 3-36 AM

3:36 AM – Wasting Time – 8:43 AM

8:43 AM – Writing Journal – 8:44 AM

8:44 AM – Preparing Beans – 8:48 AM

8:48 AM – Writing Journal – 8:51 AM

8:51 AM – Set up VS Code and GIT – 8:54 AM

8:54 AM – Update to have yesterday's journal entry and photos – 9:04 AM

9:04 AM – Write a script that converts word document to HTML – 9:14 AM

9:14 AM – Wasting Time – 10:42 AM

10:42 AM – Write a script that converts word document to HTML – 11:11 AM

11:11 AM – Writing Journal – 11:12 AM

11:12 AM – Make the time log display properly – 11:19 AM

11:19 AM – Writing Journal – 11:21 AM

11:21 AM – Uploading first journal entry to – 11:35 AM

11:35 AM – Fix script to change all special characters to HTML entities – 11:58 AM

11:58 AM – Upload first journal entry to – 11:58 AM

11:59 AM – Writing Journal – 12:02 AM

12:02 PM – Brushing Teeth – 12:06 PM

12:06 PM – Bathroom – 12:19 PM

12:19 PM – Wasting Time – 12:44 PM

12:44 PM – Attempting to Sleep – 1:14 PM

1:14 PM – Writing Journal – 2:15 PM

2:15 PM – Reading Online – 3:39 PM

3:39 PM – Sleep – 8:27 PM

8:28 PM – Write Journal – 8:28 PM

8:28 PM – Waste Time – 8:30 PM

8:30 PM – Homework - 8:31 PM

8:31 PM – Close Blinds – 8:32 PM

8:32 PM – Homework – 8:33 PM

8:33 – Wasting Time – 8:56 PM

8:56 PM – Prepare Food – 8:59 PM

8:59 PM – Wasting Time – 9:01 PM

9:01 PM – Homework – 9:28 PM

9:29 PM – Check Food – 9:35 PM

9:35 PM – Break – 9:46 PM

9:46 PM – Eat Food – 10:10 PM

10:10 PM – Break – 11:18 PM

11:18 PM – Bathroom – 11:23 PM

11:23 PM – Homework – 11:28 PM

11:28 PM – Taking Pictures – 11:34 PM

11:34 PM – Homework – 11:38 PM

11:38 PM – Wasting Time – 11:42 PM

11:42 PM – Writing Journal – 11:51 PM

11:51 PM – Uploading Photos – 11:57 PM

11:57 PM – Writing Journal – 11:59 PM

Thursday, February 22nd 2018

12:21 AM

Well I uploaded yesterday's journal entry to the website and it looks very crowded now. I just appended yesterday's entry to the previous day's entry, so that they're in chronological scrolling order, you see the earliest date first, and then as you scroll down it reads sort of like a story. I used a horizontal rule to separate the two journal entries, it really looks like a 1990s site haha. It's literally just all text right now. It looks so plain and lame.

I think it might look better with the journal entry on the left side, and the time log on the right side. That's how I write these journal entries anyway, that's what I see on my screen right now. On the left side is where I'm typing up this text right now, and on the right side, I can see what I did all day today so far.

12:29 AM

America is 5th place in the Winter Olympics right now in amount of gold medals. Russia from I think a doping scandal incident, disallowed any athletes from officially representing Russia, so literally the contestants from Russia are just called "Olympic Athlete from Russia", and they're currently in 7th place. In the top 10 list there's a list of countries and flags, except for 7th place which has the text "Olympic Athlete From Russia" and instead of a flag is just the Olympics logo. It's funny.

At the same time though I'm disappointed in the U.S., when did we turn into an amateur country, to be beaten by Canada? Oh nooooo, how could we allow this.... Ah, I thought I was living in the greatest country on the planet. How could Canada do this to us...

10:42 AM

Well I just woke up. I looked at myself in the mirror and I feel like I have lost a ton of weight.

12:24 PM

I just found a bunch of nice online tutorials for web development.

4:02 PM

Yeah I wasted a couple hours of web browsing again but oh well. It was fun browsing, reading around, watching videos, looking at pictures, etc. Though I really should prevent myself from getting distracted.

Hmm. After thinking about it for a while, there were a few situations in which I could think of that were 'ideal' for dying. One is dying while laughing, very few people in history died while laughing, but it's probably one of the nicer ways to die. Another nice way to die is a simultaneous death in the arms of a loved one were both individuals die at the same time, this way neither 'dies alone' and both feel good in death.

Those two ways to die, though ideal, aren't practical. It's nearly impossible to die of laughter unless you were under some sort of tickling machine, and it's nearly impossible to find a loved one who would agree to die with you at the same time. One more ideal but perhaps not a practical way to die would be to die while sleeping, this one is hard to plan, but essentially you go to sleep, and just never wake up again. Yeah it's kinda messed up if you imagine yourself being in that situation of going to sleep only to never wake up again, but it's also nice as you wouldn't even know you died. Well when you're dead you never knew you died in the first place, but at least your last memories while living was just going to sleep.

One of my great uncles actually died on Saturday night I believe, just a few days ago, in his sleep. He went to sleep, and never woke up again. He was under a lot of machinery in the hospital, and that brings us to possibly the most practical yet also ideal way to die today. That is, dying while drugged up high with all the painkillers and other drugs. I've been through that experience before since I've had surgery for a kidney stone before, it felt good.

It was like I was just lying in the hospital bed, feeling numb everywhere, and also feeling a little bit high, like I didn't give a care about anything in the world. No cares in the world. It felt nice. It's sort of how I feel right now, feeling very comfortable and calm, but the drugs just amplified that feeling. Combine the drugs with dying by going to sleep, and you have yourself a very nice and ideal death in modern society. Now only if it were legal to just choose to die like this anytime you wanted. That would be great.

Too bad you can't just die whenever. There's almost no point to life anyway. You just live, and then death.

I'm going to be working on the website next. I'm going to make it so that it's split screened and have the left side work as showing the journal entry, and the right side showing the time log. At first I'm going to do this myself without any CSS frameworks so I can figure out how it works, and then I'll be using Bootstrap most likely just to make the process easier. Bootstrap is already a nice working system, I've created my own framework similar to Bootstrap before, but I don't remember how to do that today and I don't need to recreate the wheel even it would probably take a day just to recreate it, it's still better to just use existing technologies.

Should I take a nap first though? I feel like taking a nap.

5:35 PM

I did it, the journal entries now fit into two columns. I didn't actually just fully work on the website for an hour, I browsed for songs, read up on material, eh I'm not sure how much time exactly I wasted.

But yeah, the website looks okay now. It looked okay, it might be more okay now.

Hmm. Yeah, not bad. I want to change the font, and make the entries look like they're in boxes. I'm going to take a nap and then try again.

6:27 PM

Wow the website looks a lot better now. It's pretty much split into two columns, I put accent colors at the top of each column, and I put each entry into their own 'box'. Instead of just a plain website with literally just text, there's at least some design elements now. It's still pretty lame because it's still basically all text, but it looks a lot better now.

Now I can add images to right under the Time Log. Hmm. Yeah, I'll do that now.

7:05 PM

Okay the photos have been added and they don't look bad at all now. I just added them right underneath the time log, in one row by three columns. There's the food, then the selfie, then the body picture of the day. Not bad. I think it looks good. The images are also clickable but it just opens the image up in full size in a new tab, not like a jquery lightbox or anything.

Also the images take up a lot of space because I have them load on the page not via a thumbnail but the entire full image itself just scaled down. Anyway it looks a lot more organized than just a blank white page with text on it now. At least there's images and some color. It still looks very basic. I don't know much about design so I don't know how to make it look really nice, but for a simple design, this doesn't look bad.

I'm now going to backup the old site and upload this new version of the website. This one actually has a CSS file linked and images, the other one was made up of just one HTML page, literally.

7:12 PM

Oh yeah. It's now uploaded to the Internet and it doesn't look bad at all. I think the font can be improved. The word spacing of the journal entry can also be improved. Hmm. Then I can probably add some buttons to the header of the website and add a navigation bar. Also I should add some text to the images because they don't make sense on how they're displayed.

Anyway I'm done for now, I'm going to take a break.

11:22 PM

There was a homework assignment due tonight that I just worked on. It involved doing a bit of reading, and man, the language used in college textbooks are so plain and dull. It's so hard and boring to read through. I feel like they're unnecessarily long and can be shortened a good amount. However, college textbooks need to have as much information as possible, so the writers of these textbooks try to add in as much information as possible, even if it seems unnecessary.

Anyway I'm learning quite a bit.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Reviewing Yesterday – 12:06 AM

12:06 AM – Preparing to walk outside – 12:09 AM

12:09 AM – Converting yesterday's entry to html – 12:11 AM

12:11 AM – Fix errors in conversion script – 12:16 AM

12:16 AM – Convert and upload yesterday's entry – 12:21 AM

12:21 AM – Writing Journal – 12:26 AM

12:26 AM – Wasting Time – 12:29 AM

12:29 AM – Writing Journal – 12:35 AM

12:36 AM – Preparing to walk outside – 12:44 AM

12:44 AM – Walking Outside – 2:04 AM

2:04 AM – Break – 5:32 AM

5:32 AM – Sleep -10:42 AM

10:42 AM – Writing Journal – 10:43 AM

10:43 AM – Reading about Web Dev – 11:10 AM

11:10 AM – Looking for Web Dev Tutorials – 12:24 PM

12:24 PM – Install Filezilla – 12:27 PM

12:27 PM – Create FTP account – 12:39 PM

12:39 PM – Get FTP support – 12:42 PM

12:42 PM – Prepare Food – 12:44 PM

12:44 PM – FTP Support Chat – 12:46 PM

12:46 PM – Prepare Food – 12:53 PM

12:53 PM – Eat Food – 1:09 PM

1:09 PM – Prepare Food – 1:14 PM

1:14 PM – Eat Food – 1:29 PM

1:29 PM – Clean up kitchen – 1:35 PM

1:35 PM – Rest – 4:02 PM

4:02 PM – Writing Journal – 4:26 PM

4:26 PM – Nap – 4:31 PM

4:31 PM – Working on Website – 5:35 PM

5:35 PM – Writing Journal – 5:37 PM

5:37 PM – Nap – 5:45 PM

5:45 PM – Working on Website – 6:27 PM

6:27 PM – Writing Journal – 6:31 PM

6:31 PM – Downloading Photos – 6:36 PM

6:36 PM – Working on Website – 6:37 PM

6:37 PM – Brushing and Flossing – 6:40 PM

6:40 PM – Closing Blinds – 6:41 PM

6:41 PM – Wasting Time – 6:47 PM

6:47 PM – Working on Website – 7:05 PM

7:05 PM – Writing Journal – 7:08 PM

7:09 PM – Backup Old Site – 7:10 PM

7:10 PM – Update Website – 7:12 PM

7:12 PM – Writing Journal – 7:14 PM

7:14 PM – Break – 10:20 PM

10:20 PM – Prepare Food – 10:25 PM

10:25 PM – Eat Food – 10:30 PM

10:30 PM – Prepare Food – 10:36 PM

10:36 PM – Eat Food – 10:39 PM

10:39 PM – Wasting Time – 10:54 PM

10:54 PM – Homework – 11:21 PM

11:21 PM – Writing Journal – 11:23 PM

11:23 PM – Break – 11:59 PM

Friday, February 23rd 2018

3:25 AM

I just wasted several hours of time doing pretty much nothing. I've been watching South Park for the past few hours, and have also been reading some articles, and doing some web browsing. Such a waste of time.

I'm going to go walk outside, come back, upload photos to Instagram, and then upload yesterday's journal entry online.

3:43 AM

I went outside and felt the chill of the air on my face, it was cold, damp, and the wind was blowing. I wasn't sure if I could do this. I went downstairs and talked myself into at least walking a block and seeing if I could still make it. I didn't even make it out that far before deciding to turn back, and I went back upstairs. Ahh, I was going back in already? I decided to try again, going back downstairs and trying to brace myself, but again I dejectedly went back. I think I tried again one more time before finally just giving up.

Now that I'm back I have to upload my photos for the day to Instagram and upload yesterday's journal online. I guess I'll have to work out at the gym later today.

4:04 AM

I need to update the journal to html program to have the new div tags I added, and I also need to write test cases so that it's better debugged. I should've started off with it from the beginning but it was just easier to ignore it from the start.

Afterwards I need to write something that will pull down the latest three pictures from my Instagram so that it's easier for me to upload it to the website instead of me having to manually go in and download each one. By the way it's not so easy downloading Instagram images, you can't just right click and download the image. It's either you screenshot and crop it, or you view the background image source, or you use a third-party image downloader. So it takes a while.

I'm going to work on fixing my code now so that it's easier to read and manage, possibly by adding test cases to make sure it works properly. Afterwards I can make sure the div tags and other things are fully operational.

10:04 AM

Nice I worked on this program for almost two hours straight and was able to get a lot done. The result is now perfection. Any entry I write, it will create this HTML output that I can just go ahead and copy and paste into the website and voila, it's there in a very readable format.

I wrote several test cases for it, and I admit that development would have been a lot faster had I not written those test cases, but it's been a long time since I had done anything like that, and I wanted to get back into it. Also it would be very useful in debugging it in the future in case I have to make any changes. It's already in a very easy to read and understand format right now in the way that I wrote it, I'm pretty sure I can come back to this program several months later and wouldn't be confused by it. It sure wasn't like that when I first got started.

It could still use some factoring here and there, but for the most part it's nice and clean now.

What's next is that I need to write another program that can pull and save images from Instagram, mainly just pull in images from my account and save them. Then the images should be auto renamed so that they can be added to the website easily. Right now I have them in this sort of format:


Like this: "2-20-18-selfie.jpg"

Should be pretty easy to pull down the images and rename them in order by the current date. Then afterwards I need to write a script that would automatically create the text like that necessary to be added to the html page. Maybe I should write both of these programs in the same file? I don't know yet.

I'm gonna go out and brush my teeth and floss, then exercise, because I didn't last night.

1:45 PM

Well I don't think I exercised for that long. I just walked over to the gym, then went on the treadmill for a while, walked basically the entire time, I did some curls, and I had a hard time doing pushups but I was able to get two down. Then when I changed clothes from my sweaty shirt to a new one, I was in the bathroom, and I was able to get a good look at myself in the mirror.

I was pretty thin from my chest upwards, and then downwards to my stomach, I was very large. Like my stomach looks bloated. Shit. It doesn't look good at all. I think it's because I eat way too much food. I'm going to have to eat lighter meals so that I don't feel bloated every time I eat.

9:15 PM

In the last program I worked on to convert my journal entries into a copy/pastable HTML file, I didn't use any classes or OOP to do it. It's really not necessary to do that at times, but I need to relearn this stuff. So I'm going back and retaking an OOP lesson. I didn't even remember how to create objects from a class in Python, I tried using the "new" keyword which I think is only for Java. This is what sucks about knowing multiple programming languages, is that you get caught up by the syntax differences and restraints of each language. Yeah I'm going to take an OOP lesson in Python, but this might not be transferrable to Java or Javascript.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Wasting Time – 3:25 AM

3:25 AM – Writing Journal – 3:26 AM

3:26 AM – Preparing to walk outside – 3:33 AM

3:33 AM – Walking Outside – 3:42 AM

3:43 AM – Writing Journal – 3:47 AM

3:47 AM – Uploading yesterday's photos – 3:52 AM

3:52 AM – Converting yesterday's entry – 4:03 AM

4:03 AM – Upload Yesterday's entry – 4:04 AM

4:04 AM – Writing Journal – 4:06 AM

4:06 AM – Updating journal to html program – 4:24 AM

4:24 AM – Brush Teeth and Floss – 4:28 AM

4: 28 AM – Updating journal to html program – 4:54 AM

4:54 AM – Nap – 7:06 AM

7:06 AM – Prepare Food – 7:11 AM

7:11 AM – Updating journal to html program – 7:40 AM

7:40 AM – Prepare Food – 7:49 AM

7:49 AM – Wasting Time – 8:00 AM

8:00 AM – Updating journal to html program – 8:09 AM

8:09 AM – Check Food – 8:12 AM

8:12 AM – Break – 8:20 AM

8:20 AM – Preparing Food – 8:25 AM

8:25 AM – Eating Food – 8:34 AM

8:34 AM – Preparing Food – 8:39 AM

8:39 AM – Eating Food – 8:58 AM

8:58 AM – Updating journal to html program – 10:43 AM

10:43 AM – Writing Journal – 10:55 AM

10:55 AM – Bathroom – 10:58 AM

10:59 AM – Brush and Floss – 11:04 AM

11:04 AM – Preparing to exercise – 11:05 AM

11:05 AM – Rest – 12:58 PM

12:59 PM – Exercise – 1:45 PM

1:45 PM – Writing Journal – 1:48 PM

1:48 PM – Wasting Time – 2:34 PM

2:34 PM – Reading Entries – 2:54 PM

2:54 PM – Sleep – 8:30 PM

8:30 PM – Wasting Time – 8:50 PM

8:50 PM – Working on image downloading program – 9:14 PM

9:14 PM – Writing Journal – 9:18 PM

9:18 PM – OOP Lesson – 9:25 PM

9:25 PM – Working on image downloading program – 10:00 PM

10:00 PM – Prepare Food – 10:08 PM

10:08 PM – Eat Food – 10:18 PM

10:18 PM – Prepare Food – 10:22 PM

10:22 PM – Eat Food – 10:28 PM

10:28 PM – Prepare Food – 10:31 PM

10:31 PM – Watching Olympics – 10:48 PM

10:48 PM – Reading Entries – 11:21 PM

11:21 PM – Wasting Time – 11:55 PM

11:55 PM – Taking Photos – 11:59 PM

Saturday, February 24th 2018

2:28 AM

World of Warcraft came out in 2004 and Warcraft 3 came out in 2002 and no other games have been able to top my gaming experiences on those two games. I don't think any other games will ever come out that will be superior, unless a Warcraft 4 comes out, nothing will beat Warcraft 3. Warcraft 3 was the king of all games, it had every game within that one game. It was my favorite.

In terms of MMORPG, nothing beat World of Warcraft. I've played so many, none of them just felt as open and as free as World of Warcraft did. You could customize everything and you could pretty much do anything in that game. Guild Wars can't even compare. Unlike Guild Wars, the World of Warcraft gameplay style was so classic and timeless than Blizzard nailed it on the first try, they never had to revamp the entire game from scratch, they only had to release additional content to improve it.

Seriously. Every other MMROPG game ever since has been trying to copy and imitate Blizzard's game, but nothing comes close, because World of Warcraft had an entire storyline to back up its playstyle and art style. I have not played World of Warcraft in years.

I also remember RuneScape, that was a classic. I played it back in 2002ish, the very first initial version of Runescape. I remember when Runescape 2 came out, and now it's at Runescape 3, it's such a different game today. I still remember Runscape 1, now that was the best. Party Hats, Scythes, Santa hats, Halloween masks, those were everywhere. I even had a green Halloween mask, now worth a lot of virtual money today, 410 million runescape gold in fact (which is like $80 which isn't that much actually).

Oh I remember I had a level 105 account in Runescape before, some guy traded me it for a $5 Diablo 2 key. I had access to it for about a year before he claimed it back I think using account recovery. I never recalled what happened to it. How did that trade even work? It was in a Warcraft 3 game room lobby where that trade was done, how was that even legit? I could have kept the account had I changed the account recovery email.

Oh, and there were so few items at the time you could know every single item in the game from memory and if you hung around the trading spots, you would eventually run into every single item in the game. Also, it was very common to have completed every single quest in the game, because there were so few quests.

There were just a handful of them, the hardest one being the Dragon Slayer quest, in fact I died there, and I lost all my rune armor, all my weapons, everything. I spawned naked outside the docks, and I remember having felt the worst dread, because I had worked so hard for those items, now I was naked. Not sure what I did, but I was able to recover and eventually get all that stuff back. I realized later that I died because I didn't have the dragon shield with me which would have reduced the effectiveness of the dragon's firebreath by like 90% or something, and it was supposed to be nearly impossible without the shield.

I wish I could go back to those times. Too bad that'll never happen. Today's the good times.

4:34 AM

Well I wrote about Warcraft 3 earlier today, and after looking up the latest news online, a MAJOR, MAJOR update just came out two days ago. For one thing, Warcraft 3 now supports up to 24 players per map. The previous limit was 12 players!!! Now it can support 24 players?!?!? That's unbelievable!!

Another huge change was full widescreen support! Before this if you played in 1920x1080 resolution, it wouldn't really be widescreen, just a zoomed in version of the regular game, now it's natively widescreen and it looks amazing!!! It looks like a very zoomed out graphically improved version of the game, although I don't think any of the graphics were changed.

4:45 AM

Wow there are a lot of new and awesome updates. It's only on the public test realm for now though, so it's not even official yet. I don't want to get back into Warcraft 3 though. I remember my days of Legion TD and the tens of thousands (no exaggeration) of Warcraft 3 maps I played. I must've spent collectively several years of time in that game. I would play for 8 hours a day, 7 days a week, and I would do this for years on end. This was the best game of all time.

I'm reading online though that you can actually play Legion TD in DOTA 2? How does that even work? Just for kicks I'm going to download Dota 2 and try it out. I want to play Legion TD again.

1:52 AM of the next day

I'm writing this the next day because I just woke up. No, that time log is not an exaggeration. I really played Dota 2 for over 12 hours straight, for 15 hours straight (maybe longer) in fact. I don't know when I fell asleep, that time of 8:47 AM is just an estimate.

I feel like a drunkard in AA that just woke up from an entire day's worth of debauchery after being sober for years.

2:02 AM of the next day

Or some heroin addict that just lost his way again and couldn't remember what happened two days ago. Yeah I can really get addicted to video games if I start playing them again. Now just imagine if I just got addicted to being productive instead, what kind of work would I get done?

I uninstalled Dota 2 as soon as I woke up. This game will ruin my life if I let it. It's already ruined my entire Saturday. The entire day.

How was it? It was fun. I played a lot of different Dota 2 arcade games, I started with Legion TD, and I played that for several hours straight. Afterwards I got bored and tried Dota IMBA, and played that for a couple hours straight. Then for the remaining length I played nothing but Dota WTF+ and it was so addictingly fun to play that I just couldn't help myself.

Every game you start over again, so it's like you never played it at all, except for the skills and knowledge you learned from the previous game. It's so addicting.

I truly despise myself for doing it, but what else was there for me to do? It was so hard to stop. I felt like it was the only thing important in my life.

I also ate a ton of junk food, nearly two large (not small) bags of Chex Mix Bold, the ones that are supposed to last a week each. Terrible. Those hours of my life I will never get back.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Wasting Time – 1:05 AM

1:05 AM – Nap – 2:28 AM

2:28 AM – Writing Journal – 2:54 AM

2:54 AM – Looking for food – 2:59 AM

2:59 AM – Reading Entries while eating – 3:12 AM

3:12 AM – Brushing Teeth and Flossing – 3:17 AM

3:17 AM – Wasting Time – 4:22 AM

4:22 AM – Reading Entries – 4:26 AM

4:26 AM – Wasting Time – 4:34 AM

4:34 AM – Writing Journal – 4:37 AM

4:37 AM – Reading WC3 patch updates – 4:45 AM

4:45 AM – Writing Journal – 4:52 AM

4:52 AM – Wasting Time – 5:07 AM

5:07 AM – Uploading Photos – 5:10 AM

5:10 AM – Garry's Mod – 5:46 AM

5:46 AM – Dota 2 – 8:47 PM

8:47 PM – Fell Asleep – 11:59 PM

Sunday, February 25th 2018

2:16 AM

I can't believe I did what I did.

More than 12 hours of playing a video game, after it had been several years (maybe months? Maybe just a bit over a year?) since I last played any Warcraft 3 related game (Dota 2 is definitely a WC3 related game).

Whew. The gameplay and everything matched so closely to Warcraft 3's general playstyle that I got hooked again right away. It was like my brain was experiencing what it was once addicted to after years of being off of it.

Yeah I don't exaggerate when I say that I played Warcraft 3 for 8 hours a day for several days a week, for years at a time. I wasted my entire life playing that game. That, and World of Warcraft. In fact, my /played time to reach level 60 in World of Warcraft was around 44 or 45 days. I played it for at least 1056 hours before reaching level 60.

My cousin was worse, he had spent 77 days before reaching level 60. This was back in the old days when levelling up took forever, and to get from level 54 – 60 you literally had to grind your way as there were no quests to do. I killed some black rock orcs for hours on end straight to get to that level. I played for several years more after getting to level 60.

Seriously, now if only I could play real life this way, and this seriously, as I would one of these addicting video games. I could have learned anything and have been the master of anything by this point in time.

2:46 AM

Perfect my journal entry uploaded perfectly.

I still cannot believe I just spent well over 12 hours in a single video game. Gosh. I wasted my entire day. I didn't get anything done.

I couldn't even get off the computer if I wanted to. Whenever I made myself food, it would be in a hurry because I wanted to see what was happening in the game right away – like it even mattered. The games I played were "Arcade" games in the Dota 2 ecosystem, so they didn't even have any penalties nor did they track win/lose records or anything like that.

I could have literally just played a game, left as soon as it started, and it wouldn't have mattered. It wouldn't have made a difference in my life at all, nor would it have been tracked if it had. Those games were basically ether, they didn't matter, not at all.

Yet I somehow still feel a little more relaxed after playing it. I never want to get into it again. It's such a waste of time. No more, ever. I'm serious.

10:49 AM

So I haven't written anything in a while. After walking outside earlier today, I came up with an idea to organize and list all of the items I'm working on or have worked on. This would include basically anything under the sun that I'm doing, it would include the programs and websites I was working on, it would include the art I was working on, any videos I was working on, it would include any books or material I had to read or study. It would also have everything that I completed, everything that I had completed would also be available on it, and all these things would be organized in a way that made sense to me, basically in folders.

I would have three folders: Not Started, Working On, and Done. Inside these folders would be other folders, the categories of whatever I'm working on, for example there's a Programs folder in the right now. Inside the Programs folder, are folders for different languages, for example Python. Inside of the Python folder, since I'm working on a program that can pull down images from Instagram, there's a word document in there called "Instagram Image Download" for the name of the program.

Inside of that word document, I can just write down any progress or notes that I have at the time while working on that project. I can also list any sources or anything that I found interesting or useful inside of that word document. I've gotten so used to writing things down in just a word document, that this method really makes sense to me. I'm not using it as a tool to show off the program or the source code or anything, it's basically just a folder structure system for my notes on different subjects – on any subjects under the sun that I'm working on, and it makes sense to me.

So far I have three different word documents in there, which means there are three different program python projects that I have in progress. This goes for any project or thing I'm working on. The cool part about this is that I plan on also writing something that would pull out these projects and word documents in order, and place them into a readable html page just like how my journal entries are being pulled out into an html page.

I've already written several paragraphs about a new program I'm working on called the "Word Document Reader" which doesn't really read the word document, but can just pull text and other information out. It shouldn't be too difficult of the project actually even though initially I thought it would be. Anyway, I'm working on it because I thought the way I wrote the "Journal Entry to HTML" program was too inelegant. I mean it works, it's easy to go back to and fix anything, but I don't like the way it was written.

3:03 PM

Wow things are a lot more complicated than they seem. Using programs and things makes it look so easy on how they were made, but man I'm having a hard time just making it so that Word can be opened with Python. Of course I'm doing it without using any modules that have already been made to do that. It's not even hard, but I'm having a hard time doing it.

I have almost a headache. I just worked on it for several hours straight, that was the only thing I did. I wrote maybe one line of code every 30 minutes, not even joking. Most of my time was spent researching and just reading the documentation. Man my head sort of hurts. I'm frustrated that I don't know shit. Waaah. Cryyyy.

5:24 PM

The world is so small. There can be only so many addresses, and once you learn about the different regions, once you start to learn all the popular cities, about the tiny distances between each, about all the limited number of different schools and universities, you realize that the world is tiny. Seven billion people isn't a lot. If you had enough time to, your brain can probably store the identity of every single person in the world. I mean it's not that many people. There's only so few places and so few people. Most people are also just concentrated in small areas.

There's also just so much to learn. Sometimes you think something is hard to learn or nearly impossible, and then you learn it and then you find out it wasn't hard at all. It's similar to achieving something, first you think it's so hard and nearly impossible, and then you do it, and then you realize it wasn't so difficult. Most achievements in the world too are just measured by someone else. Someone gives you an award for doing something. Well who cares?

Time Log

12:00 AM – Passed out asleep 1:52 AM

1:52 AM – Writing Journal 2:25 AM

2:25 AM – Getting ready to go outside – 2:27 AM

2:27 AM – Taking selfie for the day yesterday – 2:28 AM

2:28 AM – Getting ready to go outside – 2:30 AM

2:30 AM – Converting past 2 day's entries to html – 2:34 AM

2:34 AM – Fixing some errors – 2:41 AM

2:41 AM – Converting past 2 day's entries and adding to html journal – 2:43 AM

2:43 AM – Reviewing site – 2:45 AM

2:45 AM – Uploading site to – 2:46 AM

2:46 AM – Writing Journal – 2:55 AM

2:55 AM – Wasting Time – 3:54 AM

3:54 AM – Walking Outside – 5:21 AM

5:21 AM – Changing Clothes – 5:23 AM

5:23 AM – Preparing Food – 5:32 AM

5:32 AM – Create Folder Hierarchy of things I'm working on – 6:04 AM

6:04 AM – Program: Word Document Reader – 6:32 AM

6:32 AM – Preparing Food – 6:43 AM

6:43 AM – Eating Food – 7:00 AM

7:00 AM – Preparing Food – 7:03 AM

7:03 AM – Eating Food – 7:08 AM

7:08 AM – Program: Word Document Reader – 7:25 AM

7:25 AM – Fell Asleep – 10:49 AM

10:49 AM – Writing Journal – 11:12 AM

11:12 AM – Word Document Reader – 3:00 PM

3:00 PM – Break – 3:03 PM

3:03 PM – Writing Journal – 5:11 PM

5:11 PM – Wasting Time – 5:24 PM

5:24 PM – Writing Journal – 5:33 PM

5:33 PM – Wasting Time – 11:59 PM

Monday, February 26th 2018

6:02 AM

I had to run outside today for most of half of the distance I would normally walk, because it was starting to become the time that people woke up and would do normal walks, jogs, and when cars would start to appear in droves. I didn't want to be caught out in such traffic, so I ran back home.

I came up with another idea though, and that is to create a "proposed schedule" for the day whenever the day starts. This would be me just writing down what I think my schedule should be throughout the day. I watched a random anime show for several hours yesterday and today, I think around 8 hours total from yesterday and today so far, and that's no good. I hate wasting time especially when I'm not doing anything and not earning any income.

2:16 PM

I'm back. I forgot to bring a spare shirt with me to the gym and I realized that as I was walking, so I decided to do only as much exercises as I could and not sweat. I didn't want to be sweating in the cold as I walked back and get sick, so I just exercised what I could. I did some curls, barely two push-ups, some lateral raises, tried doing a pull-up but couldn't, and I did five minutes on the elliptical machine. That's all I did. Barely anything. Just enough not to sweat.

12:58 AM of the next day

I fell asleep unintentionally. I wanted to walk outside and/or jog later that night, at around 9 PM, but I ended up just passing out.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Wasting Time – 2:42 AM

2:42 AM – Preparing Food – 2:48 AM

2:48 AM – Eating Food – 3:00 AM

3:00 AM – Wasting Time – 4:50 AM

4:50 AM – Preparing to walk outside – 4:53 AM

4:53 AM – Walking outside – 6:02 AM

6:02 AM – Writing Journal – 6:09 AM

6:09 AM – Wasting Time – 1:46 PM

1:46 PM – Getting ready to go outside – 1:50 PM

1:50 PM – Gym – 2:16 PM

2:16 PM – Writing Journal – 2:19 PM

2:19 PM – Wasting Time – 2:32 PM

2:33 PM – Reading Online – 3:15 PM

3:15 PM – Wasting Time – 3:45 PM

3:45 PM – Checking on beans cooking – 3:47 PM

3:47 PM – Wasting Time – 4:03 PM

4:03 PM – Checking beans – 4:07 PM

4:07 PM – Eating Food – 4:18 PM

4:18 PM – Wasting Time – 5:31 PM

5:31 PM – Fell Asleep – 11:59 PM

Tuesday, February 27th 2018

2:00 AM

Well Monday was extremely boring. I didn't do anything. I planned on walking outside and possibly jogging today, right now, but it's very cold outside. I'm still considering it though.

2:53 AM

I just finished converting my journal entries to html and uploaded them online. It took a while longer because there were some errors converting and I had to go in and fix them.

3:20 AM

So there we go. I came up with a proposed schedule for the day. I'm going to try and follow it. First task is to convert all the images from the previous days and upload them. I'm several days behind so this is going to be tricky, which is why I gave myself an hour of time. I'm probably going to finish by 10 minutes though, we'll see.

3:47 AM

Well I finished uploading the past few day's daily photos. It didn't take as long as I expected. I'm going to now look for some food to eat.

7:53 AM

I started to have a break several hours ago and time just went by quickly. It's already nearly 8 AM, and over 3 hours since I last decided to "take a break" and I basically just watched anime the entire past few hours. I'm sleepy anyway. I'm just going to continue taking a break.

12:09 PM

I'm back from walking outside. I actually went to the local library as well and checked myself out two books: Grit by Angela Duckworth and The Code of the Extraordinary Mind by Vishen Lakhiani. Honestly the Code book was just taken from pure instinct, I was at the shelf where Grit was located, and I wanted a second book to bring along, and it became the first book I took a look at.

Eh, it has mediocre reviews on Amazon. People are saying the author plugs himself and his company too much. It's supposed to be a book on non-conformity, which is pretty much what I am. It's not that I'm non-conformist on purpose or principle either, it's just that from what I've learned and read, a lot of my decisions and mindsets are not the norm.

Anyways, I really came for Grit and that's the book I want to read through. Apparently it came out in 2016, which is weird, because I feel like I've heard of the book and its concept since back in college in 2012/2013. It might have been a different book I heard of then.

4:56 PM

I know I've wasted several hours again. I don't know why I keep doing that. I hate it. I hate myself for doing it. It's painful for me because I know I'll never get that time back ever. I'm only 24 once and there's only a finite amount of days and hours I can live as a 24 year old, and yet I wasted many nearly countless hours already. I would say out of all the time I've spent as a 24 year old so far, 80% of that time was wasted time where I was supposed to do one productive thing but did something else unproductive instead.

I literally have been watching anime for several hours today. At least I finished the entire anime series now (until there's new episodes), but what a waste of time. I need to make money too. I have my own money problems to deal with that I can't solve unless I get more money. And here I am doing nothing with my time. I don't get it.

Also I've read through a bit of the Code of the Extraordinary Mind, and it's already basically how I live my life. The only exception is that I waste my time. It's my one biggest weakness although at a young age I was proud of being a procrastinator, proud of being able to work on assignments literally in the class right before the class when the assignment was due, and still get an A. I was proud of being able to work on a large project that we were given a month or more on, and being able to do that in one night and get an A. I was proud of studying for a test last minute, and get an A.

Those last minute things didn't work in college. I dropped out mainly because of the price, but I had also flunked Calculus (a course I'd already gotten an A- in back in high school, I pretty much got A's in every class, but I had to retake again because we had the Math Placement exams to take during summer break, and since I learned the entire subject basically through last minute cramming, I retained none of what I was supposed to learn, and didn't do well in the math placement exams). So I flunked calculus in college because the problems and exams were a lot harder, completely in a different league than the problems in high school.

Anyway, I basically already live what the Code of the Extraordinary Mind says in its book. Like I'm reading through it, and I already know the material. None of this is new to me. The reason I checked out the book was because it said something like this in the preface: "Once you see the patterns this book unveils you can't 'unsee' them ", and that really hooked me.

I'm skimming through it right now, let me just go through the book page by page and see if anything really strikes out. Lame. To me it's a bunch of re-used, rehashed ideas. The book is about "thinking outside of the box" but I've been doing that since forever. I openly had religious debates with people back in middle school, as a Christian, and then I would lose, so I did more reading, and boom I became an atheist, although my faith was already starting to wane ever since my parents tried to teach me religious rituals and told me religious stories and I thought it sounded BS (like the Tower of Babel story, it's soooo ridiculous but people believe it as historically accurate)..

Back in college in 2013 (man I wish I could go back), one of the classes I took was an elective called Comm 100, Public Speaking. In this class you had a bunch of speeches that you had to make for the class as projects, I think in total there were 7 or so speeches you had to make in front of the class, each one you had to write and memorize on your own. The final speech was the final project, it was the Persuasion Speech which would be the one where you spoke for the longest time, and you had to present a topic you thoroughly researched and could make good arguments for and tried to persuade the audience to your side.

This was in college, and you had to make that speech in front of other college students to persuade them. The professor had to approve the topic you were presenting, so you told your professor what you wanted your speech to be about first, and they would approve or disapprove. At first my project I asked for approval was about how being barefoot is better than wearing shoes, and it was pretty stupid now that I think about it since I don't believe that argument at all now, but that was approved.

I think it was a week later or so, but I started to really hate the subject I stuck myself with, so I asked if I could change it. Again, this was in college, and you had to present to other college students. I asked if I could change my current subject, to one about why it was better to not go to college at all. I was approved and gave college students an entire speech and powerpoint presentation about why college was not a good idea. Shortly afterwards I would drop out.

Ironically I would apply again for school in 2015 two years later, after I had already landed a full time job, and I started out as a freshman again at a different college and took classes part time. I ended up taking Calculus again, and this time it felt more like a high school difficulty level course, and I ended up doing well. Shortly afterwards, I dropped out again.

This time I'm in another university, an online school. I have homework due tomorrow that I haven't started on yet. I'm behind on the reading by several weeks, but I already know most of what we had to read about, but for this week's current reading I don't know anything about. I really need to catch up.

Anyway perhaps my little discussion wasn't persuasive at all, but I'm already a person that thinks outside of the box. I'm not non-conformist but a lot of my beliefs and attitudes are contrary to most.

The only problem is that I'm lazy. This book, The Code of the Extraordinary Mind, is not going to be helpful to me. I'm already exactly how the book describes, but I'm just unable to act like most. So I'm done reading this book, I'm going to be reading Grit instead, and hopefully I can attain grit and be able to sustain a healthy interest and action over time. That's the only thing I want, and the only thing I need. No book or resource on productivity has been able to help me overcome this challenge.

I need to be able to create a direction I want to go, continuously go towards it, and not veer off of the path into somewhere else. I guarantee that this is my number one weakness. If I'm able to overcome this, I can overcome anything. I'm going to read Grit.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Slept – 12:41 AM

12:41 AM – Wasting Time – 12:58 AM

12:58 AM – Writing Entry – 1:05 AM

1:05 AM – Taking Photos – 1:14 AM

1:14 AM – Wasting Time – 1:37 AM

1:37 AM – Planning – 2:00 AM

2:00 AM – Writing Entry – 2:02 AM

2:02 AM – Converting Previous Day's Entries – 2:53 AM

2:53 AM – Writing Journal – 2:56 AM

2:56 AM – Break – 3:09 AM

3:09 AM – Coming up with proposed schedule – 3:20 AM

3:20 AM – Writing Journal – 3:21 AM

3:21 AM – Upload previous day's Instagram photos – 3:47 AM

3:47 AM – Writing Journal – 3:50 AM

3:50 AM – Prepare Food – 3:54 AM

3:54 AM – Eat Food – 4:08 AM

4:08 AM – Clean up – 4:11 AM

4:11 AM – Eat snacks – 4:15 AM

4:15 AM – Wasting Time – 4:34 AM

4:34 AM – Eat snacks – 4:40 AM

4:40 AM – Brushing and Flossing – 4:43 AM

4:43 AM – Break – 7:53 AM

7:53 AM – Writing Journal – 7:55 AM

7:55 AM – Break – 10:36 AM

10:36 AM – Preparing to walk outside – 10:40 AM

10:40 AM – Walking outside – 12:09 PM

12:09 PM – Writing Journal – 12:20 PM

12:20 PM – Wasting Time – 12:33 PM

12:33 PM – Preparing Food – 12:42 PM

12:42 PM – Eating Food – 1:00 PM

1:00 PM – Preparing Food – 1:10 PM

1:10 PM – Eating Food – 1:23 PM

1:23 PM – Preparing Food – 1:26 AM

1:26 AM – Break – 4:40 AM

4:40 AM – Reading Code of the Extraordinary Mind – 4:56 PM

4:56 PM – Writing Journal – 5:46 PM

5:46 PM – Reading Grit – 6:29 PM

6:29 PM – Brushing and Flossing – 6:33 PM

6:33 PM – Reading Grit - 6:50 PM

6:50 PM – Fell Asleep – 11:59 PM

Wednesday, February 28th 2018

3:47 AM

Today's Wednesday. This is my Homework due day. I have homework due both today and tomorrow. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, always feel like awesome "free" days to me because those are the days when homework is farthest due in the week. It's like I don't have to worry much about those days. Monday is in the middle (it's not really), and that's when I feel like there's a small amount of pressure in completing the homework. Tuesday the pressure is even bigger. Then on Wednesday, I definitely have to get the homework done.

So today I definitely have homework to do.

Right now is also the perfect time to go outside for a walk or a run. The temperature outside isn't too cold either, so it'll definitely be worth it.

6:33 AM

Oh yeah, so yesterday I went over to the library to check out the book. I didn't have my library card with me as I think it's in my car which my mom took to work, so I told the librarian lady at the front I didn't have my card. It doesn't sound like anything out of the ordinary, but I spoke in English! Holy crap!!

I write and think in English, but it's been a very long time since I had said anything in English out loud. Saying English words out loud, though I spoke fluently without an accent, felt so bizarre and foreign for me to do. Another strange thing is that in my arrival back in the United States, one of the first things that shocked me was that everyone spoke in English.

I had been so used to speaking in Tagalog, although my reading, thinking, and writing were still in English as a lot of things to read and interact with are actually English in the Philippines, that when I actually heard people speaking English it felt odd. Only the Americans and the English spoke in English, but here I was in America again, and English was everywhere.

How must it suck to know only one language. How must it suck to only know the language everyone else is familiar with. You can't hide thoughts or conversations out in public when you're speaking in English, not like you can with speaking another language. I can go around speaking my language out in public with another speaker and we can talk about anything out in the open and almost no one would be able to understand or translate.

5:49 PM

I still have a homework programming assignment to work on that's due tonight, and I'm very sleepy right now. Like, I feel like going to sleep. I'm not sure if I will be able to complete the assignment, but I will try.

11:57 PM

I mostly finished my homework assignment. What we had to do was create a program that allowed a user to create a binary tree, and then create a method to search for any number in that binary tree using our own binary tree search algorithm. I did most of the assignment and was almost done, except there was this one error in which the number of iterations didn't print out correctly. It would get the number of iterations right, but it just wouldn't print out the correct value. If I had a couple more minutes I would have been able to complete it. I blame it on barely knowing Java and not knowing exactly what code to write sometimes.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Sleep – 3:14 AM

3:14 AM – Using Bathroom 3:20 AM

3:20 AM – Browsing Internet – 3:47 AM

3:47 AM – Writing Journal – 3:57 AM

3:57 AM – Getting ready to go outside – 4:08 AM

4:08 AM – Walking / Jogging outside – 4:15 AM

4:15 AM – Preparing Food – 4:27 AM

4:27 AM – Eating Food – 4:39 AM

4:39 AM – Cleaning Up – 4:43 AM

4:43 AM – Reading Homework – 6:33 AM

6:33 AM – Writing Journal – 6:50 AM

6:50 AM – Reading homework – 8:10 AM

8:10 AM – Preparing Food – 8:14 AM

8:14 AM – Eating Food – 8:33 AM

8:33 AM – Break – 10:45 AM

10:45 AM – Reading Homework – 11:28 AM

11:28 AM – Forum Discussion Homework – 12:07 PM

12:07 PM – Self Quiz – 12:16 PM

12:16 PM – Break – 12:46 PM

12:46 PM – Forum Discussion Homework – 1:27 PM

1:27 PM – Break – 5:35 PM

5:35 PM – Reading Grit – 5:49 PM

5:49 PM – Writing Journal – 5:50 PM

5:50 PM – Fell Asleep – 9:54 PM

9:54 PM – Homework – 11:57 PM

11:57 PM – Writing Journal – 11:59 PM

Thursday, March 1st 2018

7:07 AM

I finally finished the Word Document Reader program that reads Word documents. I'm going to take a break and then work on the Word to HTML converter program.

7:32 AM

Oh yeah finally I have a new program to add to my portfolio! That Word Document Reader program is pretty cool I think, it's a module that can read word documents and extract the text from them.

Since I'm in a Data Structures class I guess I can also upload my Java code to a Data Structures repository. The last homework assignment I turned in, again, wasn't fully completed yet. So yeah I can focus on working on that as well. I guess that's more programs to add to my repository, but I'm more proud of the Word Document Reader program than the data structures to be honest, I worked a lot harder on it, even though it's only like 25 lines total it took me several hours to write. I wasn't joking when I said it took me forever to write even one line.

I started cooking some beans during my break and I'm going to be eating soon. After I eat, I'll work on the Word to HTML program. Then afterwards I can work on my Data Structures code and see ways I can improve upon them to be able to upload them online.

7:39 AM

Oh yeah during my breaks I've been watching anime. I've completed the entire Saiki Kusuo anime series, both seasons up to the latest episode, freaking took a lot of my time!! It was funny, but those are moments of my life I can never get back!

I've also been watching Kokukoku, I'm up to the latest episode as well. I've seen some of Dragon Ball Super and I'm also on the latest episode... Dang that's 130+ episodes each 20 minutes, that's 2600 minutes of my life, that's 43+ hours, oh nooo. I'm watching Hyouka and Kotoura-San right now. I watch Kotoura-San in 2x speed so I can preserve some time, and I have cried almost every episode so far, it's such a sad anime series.

But yeah, I hate watching anime because of the time drain. So many more productive things can be done instead. I do watch them on my breaks though and whenever I'm eating lunch. Lame right?

I'm going to start specifying what I'm doing now instead of just typing in "Break".

9:23 AM

There's so many fields in the world and so many experts at each and every field. You have; drawing, painting, music making, sound recording, graphic design, accounting, law, medicine, chemistry, writing, programming, photography, singing, piano playing, songwriting, soccer, basketball, football, video game playing, building design, cooking, baking, dancing, martial arts, comedy, racing, deliver, engineering, mathematics, web development, psychology, physics, astronomy, history, geography, translation, housecleaning, modeling, acting, etc, etc.

You have a ton of available fields each with their own experts, geniuses, and awards. You have the Nobel prize, the Fields medal, the Guggenheim award, the Grammy, MacArthur award, American Music Award, Olympics Gold Medal, Nebula Award, The Oscar, NAS Award, Gaming Awards, James Beard Award, IIE Awards, William James Award, etc, etc. There's so many awards available the top experts and performers in every field. The best of the best get these awards.

I don't actually believe in "Geniuses" which is why I'm reading Grit right now. I've read other books in the past that related to Genius and Talent: The Talent Code, Bounce, Outliers, Little Book of Talent, Talent is Overrated, So Good They Can't Ignore You, and so on.

Of course I've held the classic Mindset book by Carol Dweck that basically started this entire movement in my hands before and which all these other books I'm pretty sure cite, but I've never read Mindset. Let me check if it's available in the local library. Nope, not available in my library, and at the two library's their available in, all their copies have been checked out.

Anyway, I have just read a bunch of books on talent and genius, and my conclusion is that there is no such thing. Pretty much nearly everything is all down to circumstance. Cumulative advantage. One tiny favorable advantage that one other person does not have, leads to another tiny favorable advantage, which leads to another, and another, and so on, and so forth, snowballing into one great advantage eventually.

This may not be surprising at all, but high school is only four years long. It's not that long of a time, especially as you get older, four years feels less and less like anything at all. Take two people both equal, the same age, the same everything, one person goes through high school and another person doesn't go through high school.

In the first few days even weeks it might not seem like the high school student is any different from the non-high school student. After a month though, the high school student would understand several facts and methods that the non-high school student wouldn't know.

Given the entire four years, there's a remarkable transformation and wide gap between the two. The student would have turned into this literal genius by comparison to the student that didn't go through high school (and assuming he didn't study anything on his own free time in those four years). He would be bursting with knowledge about history, math, science, biology, computers, writing, foreign languages, and so on, all learned from high school, that the other person wouldn't have had the chance to learn.

That's a more obvious example of what cumulative advantage is. In the real world it's nowhere near as obvious. Cumulative advantage in the real world is like the father of an 8 year old bringing in a box of crayons his co-worker gave him, and this 8 year old starts drawing with it, becoming better and better, and then the dad notices, and buys him even more colors to play with, and then a few months later the dad finds a book on drawing left in the subway and brings it home to give to the kid who starts drawing more frequently. When the kid is in middle school he's already a decent artist, but while walking down the hallway he notices a kid with a newspaper and there's an ad on it that says "Artist Wanted Meet in the Art Room at 3 PM today" to which he goes there that day, and then the person there pays him to paint and draw things.

The above is a more real world example of cumulative advantage. Just really tiny opportunities and advantages open and available to those who have had previous cumulative advantage. For example, a normal middle schooler that didn't have that advantage of drawing as a kid, wouldn't have cared about the ad asking for an artist, even if he was staring directly at it, because that advantage wasn't open to him. These advantages are so tiny and miniscule, almost invisible, they're nearly impossible to notice in the day to day.

Geniuses are just people who have had a lot of tiny cumulative advantages that no one else noticed right from the start, from a young age, that continued to snowball into the present. That's all. They're nothing special. Anyone in their position would have received the same advantages, opportunities, and treatment. Of course, it also takes many thousands of hours of dedication and focus to become what they became, so really anyone who works hard enough and puts in enough time can eventually be called a genius too.

What am I getting at? Thinking about all the different fields, awards, and people participating seriously and competitively in all of these fields overwhelms me. I am nothing. Not even a competitor. I feel so weak and powerless in the face of it all. I barely understand programming man, and it's what I'm focused on and practicing. I can't even draw anything. Apart from my journal entries, I haven't updated my site in a long time. I can't even come up with a good design, I mean, it's really hard to.

So every day, I feel like I'm starting on my first day again, I feel like a beginner every day. I always feel like I know nothing. I feel like my daily walking of a few hours a day also hasn't been showing any results. Of course I have to keep it up for a long time, but it's just how I feel. Anyway the time is already getting late. I've been typing for nearly an hour now. I'm going to go back to working on the program to convert Word to HTML.

2:22 PM

Who knew I would have two completed programs in one day? Now that this program is done, I can finally write a much better version of the "Journal docx to HTML" converter. The current one I use and that I wrote last month isn't clean or efficient to be read.

That's why I remade an entire word document reader from scratch, and that's why I made an entire word document to html from scratch. Now that I'm finally done with this, I'm going to go to sleep for a while. I'm gonna take a nap, then probably watch anime when I wake up, then maybe eat.

Then I'll work on the Journal to HTML converter. There's also this one extra method I need to add to the word to html converter to make it work properly.

2:30 PM

Honestly I'm pretty excited. Writing these methods from scratch makes it so that I can pretty much do whatever I want. I make the rules. I can now make it do anything. Whereas using modules other people made, it was limiting in that sometimes it didn't have the functionality I needed and wouldn't do exactly what I wanted it to.

2:43 PM

I'm gonna take a look at the current Journal to HTML code and see what's wrong with it (there's really nothing wrong with it, it runs just fine, I just don't like the way it's written because it looks odd).

3:55 PM

I just finished watching Hotarubi no Mori e, the movie came out on my birthday back in 2011! Good times. I wish I could be young again, heh.

Oh yeah, I was listening to the song "What's Up" by 4 Non Blondes, and the start of the song is "25 years and my life is still...", I was probably in my early 10s when I first listened to that song. Maybe 11 years old the first time I heard it, maybe younger? Anyway, pretty much ever since then, every time I listened to the song I always felt like 25 years was a long time away. No joke.

When I was 14 and listened to that song, I thought "Wow, 25 years. That's forever from now." And here I am, almost 25. Just one more year. Less than that. Just 6 more months roughly and I'm 25, and that song will match me exactly. I still remember my 21st birthday, my 22nd birthday, my 23rd, and my 24th. They were pretty recent so they're not something I would forget. Fuck. I want to go back to those days. Whew.

I'm about to be 25 soon. An age that at one point in time felt like it would never arrive. One day I'll be dead too. At that point nothing I have ever done will have mattered. No matter my legacy, it would just all fade away into nothingness. Yeah, I'll be dead. I'll be dead someday. I feel like crying.

4:09 PM

So now I'm going to eat some food and watch the anime Natsume Yuujinchou, because it's made by the same creator as Hotarubi no Mori e, and honestly I've seen AMVs of Natsume before, and after watching Hotarubi I had to look up what that AMV was again to get the anime name. Then I found out they were made by the same creator. So now I'm watching it because they're both supposedly good.

11:54 PM

I ended up watching the entire first season of Natsume Yuujinchou. I can't even pronounce the name or remember it properly because it's so odd to me as an English speaker. I watched it in 2x speed. Time wasted? Sure. It was basically one of those shows that had no chronological order, it was just, watch whatever episode anytime you wanted. It was like The Simpsons or South Park, except it was an anime. I enjoyed it though.

People weren't lying in reviews as well, Natsume Yuujinchou and Hotarubi no Mori e are extremely similar. In fact, just like how several others have posted, Hotarubi no Mori e feels like an episode of Natsume Yuujinchou, despite being two separate entities. I admit that one of my main reasons for even watching Natsume Yuujinchou was because others had posted that. I wanted to see if people were right. It turns out they were exactly right.

Time Log

12:00 – Break – 1:30 AM

1:30 AM – Sleep – 5:10 AM

5:10 AM – Upload past 2 day's photos to Instagram – 5:23 AM

5:23 AM – Convert and Upload Past 2 day's Journal Entries – 5:28 AM

5:28 AM – Work on Word Document Reader program – 7:06 AM

7:06 AM – Work on Word to HTML Program – 7:07 AM

7:07 AM – Writing Journal – 7:08 AM

7:08 AM – Break – 7:32 AM

7:32 AM – Writing Journal – 7:36 AM

7:36 AM – Break – 7:39 AM

7:39 AM – Writing Journal – 7:43 AM

7:43 AM – Watching Anime – 8:41 AM

8:41 AM – Eating Food – 8:51 AM

8:51 AM – Preparing Food – 9:00 AM

9:00 AM – Eating Food – 9:19 AM

9:19 AM – Cleaning Up – 9:23 AM

9:23 AM – Writing Journal – 10:21 AM

10:21 AM – Work on Word to HTML Program – 2:22 PM

2:22 PM – Writing Journal – 2:26 PM

2:26 PM – Preparing Food – 2:30 PM

2:30 PM – Writing Journal – 2:32 PM

2:32 PM – Work on Word to HTML Program – 2:42 PM

2:42 PM – Preparing Food – 2:43 PM

2:43 PM – Writing Journal – 2:44 PM

2:44 PM – Studying Old Journal to HTML Code – 2:48 PM

2:48 PM – Preparing Food – 2:51 PM

2:51 PM – Eating Food – 3:02 PM

3:02 PM – Watching Anime – 3:55 PM

3:55 PM – Writing Journal – 4:05 PM

4:05 PM – Watching Anime – 4:06 PM

4:06 PM – Preparing Food – 4:09 PM

4:09 PM – Writing Journal – 4:11 PM

4:11 PM – Watching Anime – 8 :50 PM

8:50 PM – Fell Asleep – 11:30 PM

11:30 PM – Homework – 11:33 PM

11:33 PM – Taking Photos – 11:37 PM

11:37 PM – Looking for songs to listen to – 11:40 PM

11:40 PM – Bathroom – 11:44 PM

11:44 PM – Homework – 11:54 PM

11:54 PM – Writing Journal -

Friday, March 2nd 2018

3:52 AM

I've been watching Anime for several hours. With that, I've finished the entire second season of Natsume Yuujinchou. Natsume is the main character's name, and Yuujinchou is Japanese for Book of Friends, so the story's title translated would be Natsume's Book of Friends. The book of friends is a compilation of different spirit's names that the main character's grandmother collected when she was alive, having the book means you get to command and summon these spirits whose names have been given up.

The story revolves around the main character freeing the spirits one by one as he encounters them, undoing the actions of his grandmother who was the one that enslaved them. Other spirits as well are after the book, so he is attacked and threatened often, but he has a powerful wolf spirit that turns into a cat as his bodyguard, after making a promise to let him have the Book of Friends when he dies. As he frees up each spirit though, the book becomes thinner and thinner storing less names and becoming less powerful.

I've cried a few times while watching different episodes of this show. I'm still watching anime because I'm too tired to do anything else. I only had three or so hours of sleep tonight, and that's nowhere near enough. I'm sleepy and tired, but I've been keeping awake by watching anime. I should really just go to sleep right now so I can be productive when I wake up later today. I'll do that now actually.

7:58 AM

I made two purchases this morning. I bought the Humble Monthly Bundle which had Dark Souls 3 as the early access game the pack, I didn't want to miss the opportunity to buy this $60 game for $12 today, so I went ahead and bought it. Then there was also a Sony sale, and I was able to buy Deus Ex Mankind Divided and the season pass for $9.42.

Deus Ex takes me back. It's one of my favorite game genres, influencing who I am today. From the original Deus Ex game, I learned about different conspiracy theories and it allowed me to think differently and question my circumstances. Although I don't believe in any of the conspiracy theories in the game in particular, it just opened my eyes to them existing and I started to behave differently afterwards to have a more open mind.

The Deus Ex Human Revolution game taught me how to interact better with people and I felt and imagined like I was really an "employee" while playing that game. I read work related emails which back then was like "cool!". That game influenced what I expected from my first workplace and job, and it turned out to have been very similar. It also influenced the way I interacted with people a little, just being able to approach and talk to a lot of people in general since you can do that in the game.

I'm now downloading Deus Ex Mankind Divided and it is the largest game I have ever seen by far. It's 72gb to download. Wow.

8:27 AM

We have just had a blackout. Everything is off except for my laptop which is running on battery power. There's no wifi or internet connection right now. I think I'm going to take a shower, then read Grit for a while. I can't do anything else.

8:47 AM

That was a weird shower experience. I had to take a shower nearly in total darkness. There was just a small lantern flashlight that I brought along that barely illuminated the bathroom to help me take a shower in. I wrote before that I was going to be reading Grit after taking a shower, but I might actually go outside and take a walk instead. It's been a while since I did it, and now's a good time as any to try to "walk for as long as possible." I have a nearly full battery too.

I'm going to get ready first and then head out. I'll be walking for as long as possible today.

11:31 AM

I'm back home. The power is still out. Sure I intended to "walk" for the longest time possible, but it's very cold and windy outside, plus I got bored. I'm back home now not sure what to do. My hands are almost frozen and it's hard to type anything. My goldfish doesn't have any power cycling the water because the power is out. If the power is still out later I'm going to have to manually cycle through the water every day, maybe every few hours. I hope the power comes back.

My laptop is running off of battery power right now. There's not really much I can do. Sure I can work on the Journal to HTML converter, but I would rather save it for when I have power. There's also no food available. Beans take 8 hours to soak before they're ready to cook, and I believe I just these beans out at 8 AM, so they still have quite many hours left to go.

Oh yeah on the walk I stumbled across a lot of fallen trees. There were even two huge trees that blocked my path at one point, and I saw a large tree fall down on the back porch of a house. Why is there no power damn it?

1:15 AM

It's soooooooooo c-c-cold. I am freezing and shivering in my own home without the heater turned on. Not to mention there is still no food available. I could cook some beans and rice eventually in a bit, but not right now. Why has the power not tuned on yet?

I've basically been taking a nap for the past few hours. It's honestly hard to even move around and do anything right now. I thought my hands would have thawed and would have been able to type without feeling so cold and slow, but no. My hands are still freezing. I might have to wear gloves inside the house just to keep warm, and put on another jacket. I'm going to do that right now.

1:21 AM

It's impossible to type with gloves on. I'm going to just get off the computer and read Grit the rest of the time until power is back.

1:38 PM

Oh great just after I bought the game Deus Ex Mankind Divided for $10 (it was actually $5 on sale but I bought the extra Season Pass as well), they then release the entire game for $12 in the Humble Monthly bundle! Oh great.

That reminds me I should cancel the subscription before they charge me another $12 for next month's bundle. I can't do it right now though because the power is still out meaning there's no Internet, and it's cold, very cold. I am freezing cold.

I might go outside again to go to the grocery store so I can buy a bag of chips and eat a salad with chips at home. It'll be a roughly 2 hour walk to buy the groceries and come back though. Yeah I'll just go ahead and do that. I'm wearing two jackets right now, I am going to have to end up wearing three. I'm going to go outside again to buy some chips (depending on the price). I might actually walk over to two different grocery stores and get the price of each.

1:54 PM

Oh yeah another extraordinary thing about buying Deus Ex Mankind Divided was that I had a gut feeling that it was going to be released in March's humble monthly. This is nearly impossible to back up since I didn't write about it as soon as I felt that instinct, but as I was checking out Deus Ex Mankind Divided, I thought, and I thought about it for a while "Because I'm buying this, it might actually show up in next month's humble monthly," and what do you know it did.

Also that lingering thought lingered longer than just that one moment. It actually occurred right before I was buying it too. Like, my instinct was that it would either show up in a new bundle, or it would show up in the humble monthly. I didn't even need to buy it at all. Lame!

Anyway if I take another walk outside, I may or may not buy any bags of chips because I had already spent nearly $20 today. I owe my mom $1700, $1000 for the plane tickets to the Philippines last month, and $700 for the monthly rent. I'm not made up of unlimited money, so I don't think I am even going to be buying chips today, just because I can't.

But, I can go out for a walk again. I don't see anything wrong with that. Even if I am hungry and it's freezing outside. Actually I may not go outside again. I am turning off the computer though so I'll just leave my activity from now until the next time to be free time. I could either be walking outside or just staying at home reading Grit. It's just one of those two, or it could also be both. I'm not going to track it because I don't have unlimited battery life.

5:08 PM

Well the electricity turned on momentarily for just one minute. I got very excited a few minutes back and immediately turned my laptop on, ready to continue downloading Deus Ex Mankind Divided (from the graphics the game looks awesome). Then a flood of different ideas and thoughts came to mind about what I could do next. I could browse the Internet again, I could listen to some of my favorite songs, I could go back to charging my laptop and working on the Journal to HTML program, the potential was limitless.

The power cut off again as I was brushing my teeth. I fell back into despair, but I had already gotten used to having no electricity, so this didn't affect me much. Sigh. I texted my dad as soon as the electricity came back on, and then just a minute or two later I texted him saying oh no it's gone again. It's about to be dark soon. It's already getting dark.

The only source of light I have is from the windows. Of course I have some bright enough flashlights lying around that could more than function as the light. But I do admit, I was startled when the lights and other gadgets came back on. I have several devices plugged in that make beeping noises apparently as soon as they're turned on, and it surprised me.

No lights actually came on, because I had turned off all the lights after the power went out, so I was sitting in the dimly lit living room with the evening light coming in from the windows, eating some food, browsing my phone, when all of a sudden 'beep', and I was so startled. I thought robots had come to life and were about to take over the world.

It turns out the beeps came from the kitchen stove clock (it has an alarm function but for some reason it beeps when turned on!), the microwave, the washing machine, the dryer, my dad's Google Home, and I think the fridge (although it's an older fridge). Some of these objects also beep more than once, I think the microwave for example continuously beeps until you open and close its door.

So yeah I was a little frightened. Then now there's a bunch of these dolls and figures in the living room, and I'm sitting on the couch. I'm the only person here at home, and two of them are staring directly at me. They for some reason are directly rotated to face the couch, and normally when the TV is on and the lights are on, it's not really frightening at all. Combine my current situation where it's dark everywhere except right in front of the window (there's actually only one window that has light shining through, I closed all of the other window blinds so that the heat doesn't escape, and it's this tiny amount that continues to grow dimmer), and I have these dolls and figures staring at me, it almost kind of looks like they're moving as the shadow grows dimmer.

It's kind of scary how noticeable the light is becoming. It was bearably (wtf why does my autocorrect spell it as BEARably instead of bareably? That makes no sense) bright earlier and I could make out some things pretty well, but now I can just barely barely even see the front entrance because that corner has been darkened. I can't even see the laundry room door anymore because it's blended with the dark wall, from where I'm sitting. If I get up to go to my room, I'm assuming that room is entirely dark by now, all the blinds in it are closed.

And yeah, what's a little bit freaky is when I make direct eye contact with the two dolls and figures that are directly staring at me. Like, they're directly directly staring at me. I can't even see the eyes of one of them, this pink pig squeezable stress toy that was handed out as a freebie, that's directly facing me. It was hard for me to tell at first if it was facing me, the eyes were so thin (they're like dots) and it had no outlines or anything so this protruding front that is the snout could easily be mistaken for the behind, and the ears are ambiguous in which you can't tell you're looking at the front of the ears or the back, that from where I'm sitting, I at first thought it was staring the complete opposite of where I was, but when I stood up to get a closer look, I was freaked out to see its eyes, again tiny dots, staring at where I was sitting.

The other figure is this pet robot puppy doll. It's white, has big black eyes, a big dark nose, and a pink tongue sticking out. When you turn it on, it moves backwards and makes barking noises. Normally it's cute and not scary, in this situation though, having it staring directly you, it can be frightening depending on what your mind can imagine of the situation. It really feels like it moves on its own sometimes, just from the dimming of the lights, and the slight and slow adjustment of the shadows.

Anyway, I'm not scared anymore. My mom came home as I was typing the last paragraph, and just like that knowing there was another person here, all my fears lifted. Of course it depends on who was here with me. If I had a friend for example that just enjoyed scaring me, like I would be the kind of person that would enjoy scaring another person but would hate being scared myself, then I wouldn't feel as secure. With my mom though, I trust her not to go around and entertainingly go into a different room, and when I'm not suspecting it, jump out and scare me. I trust her not to put on a scary costume and just randomly scare me for no reason. That's something I might do, but I wouldn't like it if someone did that to me.

Okay so what did I do for the past few hours? I read Grit, and I also went outside for a walk. I read an entire chapter of Grit, and then I just felt like walking outside. I had dozens of thoughts and ideas. I'm scared honestly to apply them. I don't know the repercussions. I'm gonna have to turn my lazy life into a not so lazy life if I want to make it in life. It shatters my current character, which I actually do want to do, but it's a radical change and I am afraid.

Anyway, one idea was to list out a "Performance Log" and just tally all of my progress that I want to progress on, in there. Like, I walked around 18,000 steps (I'm estimating) today, and I would just add it to my progress log for the day. There would be a daily, monthly, and yearly progress log for my different activities I want to improve on.

I would also have to "narrow" my focus in life to what I actually want to work on. In Grit there was a few paragraphs about this couple who when they were younger were artists that wanted to either be painters, potters, and several other art related fields I forgot (they listed several but I honestly can't recall), and they decided to just abandon everything and only work on pottery. Literally just pottery, everything else forgotten. I feel like that's what I need to do, but at the same time there's things I can't avoid. For example I don't want to work on any 'Data Structures' like learning and reading about binary search algorithms or graph vertices and edges in graph theory but I'm forced to.

I also have to go through Calculus (a fourth freaking time!), pre-calculus, discrete math, all the other math related classes I have to take in order to get a CS bachelor of science degree, and I have to go through physics, chemistry, biology, I have to take history, English, writing, etc, etc, all these miscellaneous courses that I think, pretty much have nothing to do with what I want to do. I just want to mainly want to learn web development and web technologies (like websites are one thing, I want to learn how to make games and apps as well using the same methods one would use to make websites, which today web development skills are basically interchangeable with game dev and app dev as well since they use the same languages), but I can't just learn that one thing.

It's not even possible. I don't even need any math or English or History or writing, or physics, or anything else I mentioned above, to be able to make websites, apps, or a program that can convert a word document to an HTML file. I've done those things without knowing much about math, English, etc. I've made games with physics, just fine barely knowing any physics or much math myself. Like certain equations are useful like for gravity it's nice to know the falling gravity acceleration equation (but honestly you can just put in any number and test to see if it 'feels' right), and for trig it's useful to know how to use sin and cos to determine angles and trajectory of projectiles (but honestly you can again put in random numbers until it works).

I also want to learn how to draw. I also want to learn math. But pretty much the consensus is to just learn one thing and be really god at it. How can I do that and learn multiple things as well? Anyway, my battery is at 10% now and it's nearly about to die.

I won't have a chance to turn on my computer again once I turn it off, until power recovers. So I'm going to just have to ponder the above thoughts and come up with a solution or something, today. Later today. If the power isn't on by today or tomorrow, then I don't know when I'll be able to post the answer, if I come up with one.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Watching Anime – 3:52 AM

3:52 AM – Writing Journal – 4:01 AM

4:01 AM – Sleeping – 6:00 AM

6:00 AM – Browsing Internet – 6:30 AM

6:30 AM – Preparing Food – 6:40 AM

6:40 AM – Eating Food – 6:45 AM

6:45 AM – Preparing Food – 6:50 AM

6:50 AM – Eating Food – 6:55 AM

6:55 AM – Browsing Internet – 7:58 AM

7:58 AM – Writing Journal – 8:08 AM

8:08 AM – Playing Copoka – 8:14 AM

8:14 AM – Uninstalling Copoka – 8:15 AM

8:15 AM – Playing Crescent Bay – 8:26 AM

8:26 AM – Uninstalling Crescent Bay – 8:27 AM

8:27 AM – Writing Journal – 8:28 AM

8:28 AM – Taking Shower – 8:47 AM

8:47 AM – Writing Journal – 8:49 AM

8:49 AM – Brushing and Flossing Teeth – 8:52 AM

8:52 AM – Getting ready to walk outside – 9:26 AM

9:26 AM – Walking Outside – 11:31 AM

11:31 AM – Writing Journal – 11:37 AM

11:37 AM – Break – 1:15 PM

1:15 PM – Putting on gloves and another jacket – 1:21 PM

1:21 PM – Writing Journal – 1:22 PM

1:22 PM – Break – 1:38 PM

1:38 PM – Writing Journal – 1:43 PM

1:43 PM – Getting ready to go outside – 1:54 PM

1:54 PM – Writing Journal – 2:00 PM

2:00 PM – Reading Grit and Walking Outside – 5:08 PM

5:08 PM – Writing Journal – 5:57 PM

5:57 PM – Unknown, laptop out of power, can't track time anymore – 6:40 PM

6:40 PM – Downloading Games – 7:24 PM

7:24 PM – Playing Lost Castle – 8:52 PM

8:52 PM – Preparing Food – 8:57 PM

8:57 PM – Eating Food – 9:08 PM

9:08 PM – Playing Holy Potatoes! We're In Space?! – 9:30 PM

9:30 PM – Break – 9:40 PM

9:40 PM – Playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided – 9:59 PM

9:59 PM – Sleep – 11:59 PM

Saturday, March 3rd 2018

4:22 AM

Ah Deus Ex Human Revolution, one of the only single player games I have ever played through to the end. I spent a lot of time meticulously going through every computer I could in the game, reading every email, exploring every secret location, talking to every NPC, doing every sidequest, I had so much fun playing the game and being integrated into it like it was my life.

I mention all that because I remember being just a couple of points away from having unlocked all augmentations. One of the tips in the loading screens said: "It's not possible to unlock all augmentations" but I got pretty close, close enough to know it was completely possible if I had a second playthrough where I played the game more thoroughly than the first time, although that would be very hard to. It was such a fun game.

Watching videos of playthroughs of it now though, I don't remember the areas or missions at all. I don't even remember the controls or the upgrade abilities, yet at one point this used to be such a big deal to me. Same with the first Deus Ex game. Now that game was a classic. I also remember playing that game thoroughly and living through the experience as if it were my life and I were living in that world.

Anyway, I just finished eating. I'm now going to be playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Sleep – 3:51 AM

3:51 AM – Bathroom – 3:59 AM

3:59 AM – Prepare Food – 4:11 AM

4:11 AM – Eating – 4:22 AM

4:22 AM – Writing Journal – 4:46 AM

4:46 AM – Playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided – 7:09 AM

7:09 AM – Playing Holy Potatoes! We're in space?! – 9:02 AM

9:02 AM – Uninstalling Holy Potatoes! We're in space?! – 9:03 AM

9:03 AM – Browsing the Internet – 9:04 AM

9:04 AM – Playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided – 10:48 AM

10:48 AM – Watching Anime – 11:48 AM

11:48 AM – Playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided – 2:00 PM

2:00 PM – Car Oil and Filter change – 4:28 PM

4:28 PM – Playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided – 7:20 PM

7:20 PM – Sleep – 11:59 PM

Sunday, March 4th 2018

3:41 AM

Deus Ex Mankind Divided is one of the most exciting games I ever have played. It's one of the most realistic and most open world too. There's so many things you can do in the game, and everything is free choice! That's unbelievable! This game is the absolute best!

Time Log

12:00 AM – Sleep – 3:40 AM

3:40 AM – Browsing Internet – 3:41 AM

3:41 AM – Writing Journal – 3:43 AM

3:43 AM – Playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided – 11:09 AM

11:09 AM – Break – 12:05 PM

12:05 PM – Playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided – 4:50 PM

4:50 PM – Break – 6:01 PM

6:01 PM – Playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided – 7:51 PM

7:51 PM – Nap – 11:59 PM

Monday, March 5th 2018

6:58 AM

What a waste of a weekend right? I actually had fun this weekend although I had no productive activities. Here's what I'm going to do instead. For every one hour of productivity that I have, I can do 30 minutes of something not productive.

I have had so many ideas since I lost my job it's not even funny. One of the agreements I had to sign was an "intellectual and creative property" or something like that agreement. This meant that everything I worked on, even in my spare time, would belong to the company, so as a counter measure to this, I stopped working on anything creative myself. I stopped working on ANYTHING person that I enjoyed working on back then.

I'm starting to get my 'old self' back. Yeah. I have made some mistakes in my life. I should have quit after exactly 1 year of employment. I could have made the best decisions of my life, but no. I'm starting again, starting the day I uploaded my first entry. I call that the first day of my new life.

However, today is Day 500 of my current journal writing spree. I don't even know if it's Day 500. There were some days back in early February that I had to skip (I was out on vacation in the Philippines and for several days I didn't have anywhere to charge my laptop, so I didn't even turn it on). I thought I could vividly remember those days then come back sometime later to redo those entries, writing them again, but I don't remember those days at all anymore. It's only been a month. I already forgot a month ago.

I'm going to come up where to put my "Productive, Neutral, and Non-Productive" hours. Maybe right below where it says "Time Log"? Maybe at the bottom of the Time Log? Hmm... Anyway, 1 hour of productivity for 30 minutes of non-productivity, means that in a 24 hour day, I can sleep for 8 hours, have 10 hours of productivity, 5 hours of non-productivity, then have an hour of writing my journal or whatever. That's sounds so fair! Let's try it.

I'm in a deficit right now so I'm going to have to work to get those hours back up before I can spend any time playing. I'm in a 2 hour and 28 minute deficit, so if I want to come back to that, I'll have to work for 4 hours and 56 minutes, basically 5 hours straight. Whew. Let's try it. I'll write my productivity scale right underneath where it says "Time Log" and see how that works. I may move it later.

5:15 PM

Yeah I did it! I worked on the program for apparently 4 hours today, and was able to finish the program! What an incredibly boring yet exciting task however. It's exciting because I was able to figure things out while doing it, and it was fun figuring new things out and getting used to the way programs are written. It was incredibly boring because it's nowhere near as fun as playing a video game or watching an anime.

What's actually cool and somewhat interesting is the creativity involved. I mean there could have been any number of solutions I could have applied to do this, and I did try this one weird method at first, but after that didn't work, I just used the same method I used in the first program I made to do this. So basically it's the same program, just slightly better. Kind of cool, kind of lame. I mean I didn't have to 'waste any time' redoing this program from scratch, but at the same time I think it was worth it because it looks a cleaner than before. It was so messy before.

Also this program is a little bit better because now I can type in italics and it would convert it to HTML automatically check it out! Also I can do underlines as well and it would detect it. Also bold too, back then the program could not do this. So that's cool I guess!

Now I can pretty much move things around anywhere, including the "Productive Hours, Neutral Hours, Non-Productive Hours" summaries and put them anywhere, and it would convert just fine. I might actually move that section to the bottom of the time log though, I don't think it looks too good where it is right now.

Yeah I moved it to the bottom but it still looks weird. Also the program can't read linebreaks (shift + enter in word) so it still reacts weirdly. I guess that's the next thing to do on the list.

I'm going to take a break. Probably nap or something.

11:31 PM

Well I didn't take a nap or anything. During my "break" I basically just watched anime through most of it. I didn't play any Deus Ex which is what I wanted to do, but I watched anime instead. I ended up watching an episode of Kokkoku and I saw the entire Charlotte series. Man there are so many anime out there. But Charlotte is a really good anime, not sure why I haven't heard about it before. It goes in a completely different direction than from the first episode which is amazing how much of a turn it had.

I actually just read the wikia description of the main character, it was just one paragraph, I read it, and was like, no way that can happen by the last episode. Wanting to prove the series wrong, I watched it, but I ended up being wrong because what the description says actually ended up happening. I thought it would have taken several seasons or something to show that transition, but it was just 13 episodes long, and so much story took place since then. Great story for real. I enjoyed it.

People have apparently also rewatched the anime several times. I saw a comment where one person said he's already watched it twice, and I saw another one where he said he's watched it 10 times and it's good every time. I couldn't imagine myself watching it again, but seriously it's tempting. I just saw it, and I'm tempted to watch it again.

Well I'm going to spoil a generic part of it and why I really liked it. I like stories like that where the main character starts off normal, but by the end he's practically god. Well he starts off a little bit just above normal in the beginning, not really expecting too much from him there. The shock comes when by the end, he's done everything there is that was once thought impossible. I like stories like that, although I felt like there were some loose ends in this series too.

Oh great I just found an anime where the main character keeps journals... Hmm... That's something I'll look into. It's called Future Diary. I might watch it tonight.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Sleep – 12:24 AM

12:24 AM – Playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided – 2:52 AM

2:52 AM – Sleep – 6:58 AM

6:58 AM – Writing Journal – 7:18 AM

7:18 AM – Converting and Uploading Previous Entries to Website – 7:28 AM

7:28 AM – Uploading Previous Day's Photos to IG – 8:06 AM

8:06 AM – Preparing Food – 8:12 AM

8:12 AM – Eating Food – 8:14 AM

8:14 AM – Preparing Food – 8:19 AM

8:19 AM – Eating Food – 8:32 AM

8:32 AM – Preparing Food – 8:38 AM

8:38 AM – Eating Food – 8:53 AM

8:53 AM – Preparing Food – 8:56 AM

8:56 AM – Eating Food – 9:16 AM

9:16 AM – Wasting Time – 9:22 AM

9:22 AM – Organizing Computer – 9:50 AM

9:50 AM – Signing onto Complete Web Developer Course Site – 10:09 AM

10:09 AM – Wasting Time – 11:27 AM

11:27 AM – Working on Journal to HTML Program – 12:12 PM

12:12 PM – Break – 12:24 PM

12:24 PM – Preparing Food – 12:31 PM

12:31 PM – Eating Food – 12:53 PM

12:53 PM – Break – 1:45 PM

1:45 PM – Wasting Time – 1:59 PM

1:59 PM – Working on Journal to HTML Program - 5:15 PM

5:15 PM – Writing Journal – 5:34 PM

5:34 PM – Break – 6:34 PM

6:34 PM – Watching Anime (Kokkoku episode 9 and the entire Charlotte series) – 11:34 PM

11:34 PM – Writing Journal – 11:48 PM

11:48 PM – Watching Anime (Future Diary) – 11:59 PM

Productive Hours:
Converting and Uploading Previous Entries to Website (0:10)
Uploading Previous Day's Photos to IG (0:38)
Organizing Computer (0:28)
Signing onto Complete Web Developer Course site (0:19)
Working on Journal to HTML Converter (4:01)
Total 5:36 hours

Neutral Hours:
Sleep (4:30)
Writing Journal (0:34)
Preparing Food (0:27)
Eating Food (1:12)
Break (2:23)
Total 9:06 hours

Non-Productive Hours:
Playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided (2:28)
Wasting Time (1:38)
Watching Anime (5:11)
Total 9:17 hours

Tuesday, March 6th 2018

6:30 AM

Well that anime was weak. I didn't like it.

8:16 AM

I updated the Word to HTML program so now it can look for linebreaks and add them. I don't use linebreaks that often, if ever, but I tried it last night to try and organize my time log summary hours better, but it just put everything into one line. So this morning I decided to fix it and add a way for it to detect and add linebreaks to the html. I've tested it and it works, but now I'm going to play around with my journal for a bit and see what improvements I can do in the way it's organized.

10:53 AM

While walking outside today I came up with another journal idea. Horses. I work hard and really put effort into some things, but I still think of myself as a beginner having nothing tracking my progress. So I came up with the idea of horses. I'll have a different 'horse' for every category I want to learn and study, each horse starting off with a value of 0. For every one hour in one day that I spend doing that activity, I add +1 to that horse. If I spend 59 minutes at a certain activity and then the day ends, it won't add +1 to that one horse. It's just one hour, in one day.

I'll track my horses here at the bottom of my hour summaries, and there could be new horses added as I work on new and different activities. I'll use these horses to keep track of what I do and what I work on. The horses that I 'feed' (by doing the activity for one hour in one day) are the ones that get faster (which means I got better at that activity).

So for the entire day so far today, the only thing I've added +1 to so far is Python, as that's the language I used for the Word to HTML converter. I'm going to go eat, take a break (maybe by watching some anime), and then resume my day. This will make me more motivated to 'speed up' my horses. Of course I'm not racing against anybody, which sucks. I have the disadvantage knowing I'm the first person doing this, which means people will be comparing themselves to me trying to speed up their own horses and using me as the example knowing what's possible, whereas I'm the leader of the pack, meaning I don't have anyone to look up to meaning I potentially won't be able to go as far.

It's just like people who set new records on things. They're able to set new records because they know what's possible, and they're able to surpass what's possible. The four minute mile guy is used so frequently as an example, that once he broke passed the 4 minute barrier, all of a sudden a lot of other people were doing it as well, despite it being previously 'impossible' and 'out of human limits' to do so. That's basically what I'm doing. Which means I probably won't get that far compared to future generations, but I might as well try.

5:41 PM

Eh I don't know what's wrong with me or why I procrastinated the entire day after my walk outside. The horse idea was brilliant, and I think it will work and I will benefit from it in the long run, but I just got extremely lazy after that. After I came back home and ate, I watched a little bit of anime. It was 12 PM at the time, and I thought I had plenty of time left in the day, back then there was plenty of time left in the day to work and do things.

Before I knew it, I was already eating more food. Then I kept on watching anime. Worse still, the anime I was watching was the one I wrote about last night that I didn't like. I was watching the Future Diary anime, an anime in which I thought the story was mediocre and I didn't like it at all. Yet, I watched it today. I watched around 14-15 episodes. I'm almost done with the entire series. I hated every second of it, but I mindlessly stared at my computer monitor and watched away. What a waste of time.

I don't even think I properly recorded me watching it. When I was playing Deus Ex today, I actually watched anime throughout most of it since the mind numbing nothingness of the anime became more comfortable than the thinking process of playing the game. So I watched the anime on one computer while I was basically just standing around in Deus Ex idle on the other.

I have limited time in this world. I'm most likely not going to be around in 80 years, most definitely not in 100. Everyone walking around today, every single person (with the exception of a very tiny minority) will be dead by the time 100 years comes around. I have no idea what's going to be around in 2100, but I most likely won't be around to live to that era either. Yet here I am in the past (from the perspective of 2100) and there's opportunity abound.

People today are probably really stupid and primitive when the future people think about us. We don't have X technology that allows you to do Y. We don't know about Z event that's going to happen yet. I know nothing.

What's surprising is that 100 years ago, people were saying quotes to each other like "We have more opportunity today than ever in history. We live like kings and like pharaohs, anything is possible in our modern world." Even in their era they were already saying that everything was possible, yet none of them could even conceive of something like an iPhone or 3d graphics or even video games, things that are so common we take them for granted today.

Today I completely believe anything is possible but only up to the point where my imagination can reach. I can't imagine technologies that haven't been invented yet. How about extremely realistic video games, almost indiscernible from real life? Not invented yet. 100 Terabyte hard drives? Not invented yet (although you can buy several hard drives together and hook them up).

Geez I remember when I thought 16gb was a LOT. My aunt asked me to buy her a 16gb flash drive and I was like "holy crap are you insane? What do you need all that storage for?" My memory cards back then held just 32mb, and I was recording videos and taking pictures with that. My 'latest' computer way back then had 120gb of hard drive space, and I chose that computer because it had a 'large amount of storage'.

Anyway, I don't have the foresight to imagine or come up with any new technologies that haven't been invented yet. Can I think of some sci-fi ones? Yeah... If I were to just throw some random technologies that haven't been invented yet, I can think of a camera array that can scan your body or other real life objects and place them into a 3d rendering program so that they're easier to work with. Maybe a laser knife. How about water walking shoes? Clothing that shows animated images? Paper thin electronic devices? Honestly it's not easy to come up with these creative objects that haven't been created yet (and trying to keep it realistic, like I can talk about time travel or warp drive or flying cars or rocket bicycles or disposable limbs, etc, but I was trying to keep it 'real' so to speak).

But back then 100 years ago, people were like "Omg everything is possible in this world." But if they knew about wireless cell phone calls or all the knowledge in the palm of your hands, how differently would they think then? You know? So hell no not everything is possible. Things are only possible up to the limitations of the era that you live in.

To me though, everything I could ever care about or want, is possible in my era. Literally everything. Maybe that's just because I live in this current era, and so my expectations match my current living circumstances, but definitely 100 years ago I would not have fit in. I want and expect things that are available in my era, but weren't 100 years ago. For example, electric bicycles, the go anywhere with these things even more easily than regular bicycles, bicycles. I love those (though I've never ridden one, the concept always blew my mind). Then for poor sighted people like myself, we have laser eye surgery that can cure that. That wasn't around 100 years ago.

How about access to all the knowledge and information in the world, from your fingertips? Anywhere, anytime? Not around 100 years ago. Listen to any song anytime anywhere, also not around 100 years ago. I remember just 15 years ago, access to music wasn't as easy as just going to YouTube and searching the song, and I remember just listening to the radio for music. When I was in 3rd grade (which was around 2003-2004) the song 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' by Green Day came on as I was tuning the radio at 1 AM or so at night, and I was so excited. I fell asleep to that song. Good fucking times. I wish I was in 3rd grade again.

I hate that song now though, it's been overplayed. I've listened to it too many times.

Time does fly though. Where am I going with this? I'm frustrated. I've been wasting so much of my time. My limited time. The thing more valuable than money. All my money can't buy me anymore time. Queen Elizabeth I said something similar (although I've also read she never actually said it) on her deathbed, and that was "All my possessions for a moment of time."

That's such a profound sentence with so much meaning given the context, it was supposedly the last words she spoke. She died back in 1603. At the time, she was one of the most powerful figures in the entire world able to command and control entire armies and countries, possessing nearly limitless wealth, yet she stood no match against death. No amount of power or money could save her from the fate that we all share.

To me in the year 2018, looking back at the Queen making such a statement, it wouldn't have mattered to me if she had another 50 years to live or even 100 years more to live. She still would've died in, from my viewpoint, 'the dark ages', because they didn't even have light bulbs back then, that wouldn't come around until 1879. They lived in an era of candles. They didn't have the pleasure of being able to stay up all night, looking at a nicely lit computer monitor, in a completely lit room. To me living more than 400 years after the Queen's death, even if the Queen lived for another 300 years, from my perspective those years would have gone by in an instant.

Every year and every second up to the present moment feels like it passed by in an instant. All my memories, all my years of experience, every moment of agony, every moment of joy, were all but an instant. I can't go back and relive any of those times, although they exist vividly in my mind. I can only move forward from today. If I can't go backwards, what choice do I have but to move forward? Although it's difficult with procrastination looming over me like this.

I also have to find a way to make some income. I have no income right now, and I owe $700 for rent. I'm going to the bank and withdrawing some money to pay off some of my rent now. I can't withdraw $700 in one day from an ATM, so I'm most likely going to have to come back again tomorrow. Yeah I'll leave now and withdraw my rent money that I owe.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Watching Anime – 1:00 AM

1:00 AM – Sleep – 6:20 AM

6:20 AM – Review Yesterday – 6:31 AM

6:31 AM – Writing Journal – 6:32 AM

6:32 AM – Review Yesterday – 6:39 AM

6:39 AM – Converting and Uploading Yesterday's Entry – 6:44 AM

6:44 AM – Uploading Previous Day's Photos to IG – 6:53 AM

6:53 AM – Working on Word to HTML Converter – 8:16 AM

8:16 AM – Writing Journal – 8:18 AM

8:18 AM – Reviewing Journal – 8:39 AM

8:39 AM – Nap – 8:44 AM

8:44 AM – Preparing Food – 8:46 AM

8:46 AM – Brushing and Flossing – 8:53 AM

8:53 AM – Preparing Food – 8:56 AM

8:56 AM – Eating Food – 9:09 AM

9:09 AM – Nap – 9:13 AM

9:13 AM – Preparing Food – 9:15 AM

9:15 AM – Preparing to Walk Outside – 9:20 AM

9:20 AM – Cleaning Up Room – 9:23 AM

9:23 AM – Preparing to Walk Outside – 9:26 AM

9:26 AM – Walking Outside – 10:53 AM

10:53 AM – Writing Journal – 11:07 AM

11:07 AM – Preparing Food – 11:12 AM

11:12 AM – Eating Food – 11:24 AM

11:24 AM – Preparing Food – 11:31 AM

11:31 AM – Eating Food - 11:53 AM

11:53 AM – Break – 12:16 PM

12:16 PM – Preparing Food – 12:21 PM

12:21 PM – Eating Food – 12:37 PM

12:37 PM – Break – 2:01 PM

2:01 PM – Playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided – 4:30 PM

4:30 PM – Preparing Food – 4:40 PM

4:40 PM – Eating Food – 5:00 PM

5:00 PM – Wasting Time – 5:41 PM

5:41 PM – Writing Journal – 6:45 PM

6:45 PM – Withdrawing Rent Money – 7:30 PM

7:30 PM – Talking with Parents – 7:50 PM

7:50 PM – Working on Instagram Photos Downloader – 8:30 PM

8:30 PM – Watching Videos – 8:50 PM

8:50 PM – Working on Instagram Photos Downloader – 9:10 PM

9:10 PM – Sleep – 11:59 PM

Productive Hours:
Review Yesterday (0:18)
Writing Journal (1:21)
Converting and Uploading Yesterday's Entry (0:05)
Uploading Previous Day's Photos to IG (0:09)
Working on Word to HTML Converter (1:23)
Reviewing Journal (0:21)
Walking Outside (1:27)
Withdrawing Rent Money (0:45)
Working on Instagram Photos Downloader (1:00)
Total: 6:38

Neutral Hours:
Sleep (8:09)
Nap (0:13)
Preparing Food (0:30)
Brushing and Flossing (0:07)
Eating Food (1:23)
Preparing to Walk Outside (0:08)
Cleaning Up Room (0:03)
Break (0:47)
Talking with Parents (0:20)
Total: 11:40

Non-Productive Hours:
Watching Anime (1:00)
Playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided (2:29)
Wasting Time (0:41)
Watching Videos (0:20)
Total: 4:30

Megg's Horses
Math: 0
Drawing: 0
Python: 2
Web Development: 0
Java: 0
Programming: 0
Exercise: 1

Wednesday, March 7th 2018

4:28 AM

Well I fell asleep last night working on the Instagram Photos Downloader because I couldn't figure it out. Looking at the source code of my user profile, it had the image URLs stored within script tags which were all inside a JSON. Okay that's all good and we can probably parse through that, but another problem came up that it only showed a limited number of images, I think just the first 20 images in the profile. So I still haven't figured out how to get all the images yet.

I've been looking through some stackoverflow Q&A and have been looking through some github source codes but I'm not able to figure it out still.

Also I went over yesterday's entry, and my total hours didn't seem to add up. I then re-did my hours from scratch, counting up my total hours from the beginning of the day, and it still didn't add up. I was already taking up too much time on this, so I just gave up on it. My hours are incorrect, but I don't want to go back in and try to fix everything again because it had already taken me so much time. If there's any discrepancies from now on I won't make a big deal out of it.

5:20 AM

I just read an article about professional video gamers trying to get into an Overwatch team in Philadelphia and it is hard to get in. These e-sports teams are nowhere near as difficult as getting into the NFL or Olympics (those are levels beyond the mortal realm), but it's similar difficulty meaning that it just depends on what you spend your time and effort on.

A person could spend their time honing their video game skills, or football skills, or Olympic sports skills, and getting into their professional teams would require similar hours spent (although for video games the competition isn't as high, and new games come out every so often with Overwatch being just a year old, so there's a lot less hours required). It's hard to get into whichever. I've already tried being a professional gamer at some point, and I'm very good at video games having spent thousands upon thousands of hours in that activity, but I'm just not close to the elite. I didn't deliberately practice like they did, I didn't know what deliberate practice was at the time, I played for comfort mainly, not to improve.

The person that got in was a 16 year old, apparently very skilled at the game, more skilled than the 90+ other people that entered. Hard to imagine that he was just 6 years old 10 years ago. I was 14. He was pretty much a baby to me, yet in just 10 short years he managed to become the best out of 90+ people, a lot of those players being older than even I am.

So it just depends on what one spends their time doing. I need to make my horses faster. It doesn't matter at what I improve on (whether it's math or drawing or programming or whatever else), I just need to be focused on my horses, instead of wasting time not.

5:50 AM

So last night I had a conversation with my parents after my dad opened up this package he ordered from an app, and it came with this tiny tiny silver coin, smaller than a penny. He said he paid $25 for it, I yelled at him saying he was ripped off and scammed by buying it off of that stupid Chinese scam seller app, which it was, fucking stupid as hell to buy anything from there at all. He said he wasn't even going to return it and said that he wanted it, despite saying that the coin was a lot a lot smaller than he expected from the picture that he saw. Fucking stupid. My dad has some sunk cost bias in which once he buys something, even when he was obviously ripped off, he'll just go "well there's nothing I can do about that, I'll just eat up the cost", fucking hell.

So I got a little bit annoyed and told him he should return it because he was obviously just scammed. Fuck. I'm getting riled up just writing about it. This isn't even the first time he was scammed, he's probably scammed on a daily basis for all I know. He paid $80 to a pop-up advertisement before that asked him for his credit card (what the fuck).

He bought a bunch of jackets from some stupid seller asking him for directions before (and I looked it up with him, that other people have been scammed like this). He has been scammed countless other times, I'm so fucking annoyed and pissed off recalling every instance, and depending how far the definition is stretched, he is scammed on a daily basis. On a daily basis.

So anyways, I'm pissed at how stupid some people can be. So my dad and I got into a fight and he said he was no longer buying me any food. I would have to go out and buy them myself from now on if I wanted to eat anything. This is after I withdrew $640 from my bank account already (and I still owe a bit more so I will have to withdraw a bit more). So I'm pretty much dead broke right now.

When I run out of beans, I'm going to have to go out and buy some more. That means walking over a certain distance and buying them. With the amount of food left that he bought tonight, I'm going to have to starve myself a little and not eat so much to preserve as much as I can. I primarily eat beans and rice anyway so I can reduce my cost per day to less than a dollar per day just by eating beans and rice all my meals. The only problem is I eat a lot, and last night he bought kale and a bunch of chips. I can go through 1000 calorie large bags of chips in a single day, more than one, plus the main meals. That's how much I eat in a day.

I'm going to have to reduce my intake (how much I eat) if I'm going to want to reduce my outtake (how much I spend). Can I do it? Hell yes. Too easy. Not eating as much and eating cheaply as possible is extremely easy. I don't have any problems at all doing that.

My main problem would be getting an income. My skills are too shit to get any income, in my opinion. I'm not a beginner, since I know all the basics I can pretty much do anything when it comes to web development or programming in python. I'm pretty confident that if I spent enough time at a certain task in web development or python, I can do it. The problem is that it's not at all easy, even doing basic tasks is extremely difficult for me. That's why I say my skills are not at all high enough for anything.

When it comes to web page development, I am confident I can make any website layout if I had one to already look at. I can just replicate it. If I were making one from scratch, that's a different story and I have no idea how to do that.

I'm so afraid and uncertain. Should I get a job? Should I just freelance? I don't know the answers to this. Either way I'm not confident enough in my ability to apply for any jobs. I think I'd be a lot better than a lot of complete beginners applying for jobs, and those beginners end up getting jobs pretty often (depending on their luck). But I know my abilities, I know where I stand. Despite having the knowledge, I don't have the practice. I'm not ready to apply for any jobs. I'm not even ready to do any freelancing.

Plus the income from freelancing may not even be that high. I actually already do know some people who make a living from freelancing, but I don't know how they do it. Anyway, I'm going to read up on some productive articles like on procrastination, and how to earn an income freelancing.

I also have homework due tonight. I don't even know what it is. I'll go review that first right now and see how many hours I need to be able to do them. If I'm confident I can do them easily (aka I already know the subject), then I can procrastinate a little by reading productivity and freelance articles. However if it turns out I have to do hours of reading, and I know nothing about the subject, then I will have to begin my homework right here and right now to make sure it's done first.

6:12 AM

I need around five hours today to do my homework. There's more than 12 hours of awake time I'll have left, so I probably have 7 hours or so of leeway. I'm going to read some productivity articles first to see how I can improve my productivity.

11:01 AM

Well I think one of the reasons I have not been productive at all, and it actually turns out that being productive is extremely simple, is that I have no direction of what I want to complete and what direction I'm heading. I have to mark and clearly define these. I also need a way to incorporate it into my journal so that I'm able to look at it every day, and think about them every moment. I want these goals to be the only things that I'm working on and thinking about.

First let me write a list of goals down and some steps that need to be done in order to complete them. I can't use bullet points because my Journal to HTML program cannot incorporate them yet. So I'll have to think of some creative way to list them...

Honestly with my hours summation and Horses, it looks like it's getting crowded down there. I might honestly have to remove the Horses concept, although it's fun and all, it might not help me in the short terms... I don't know. Well for now I guess, I'll make an HTML page on the website: "/horses.html" and just place my 'horses' there. I guess I'll go in and just update that daily, for now. That will be where I keep track of them.

Now my goals. Honestly right now I just keep some of my tasks on the Sticky Note program on my computer and it works. I started doing it recently, maybe a few days ago, and I noticed I've been getting things done more frequently (than before I started doing it) as I'm reminded of what needs to be done.

11:26 AM

Well here are the goals that I came up with that I need to do:

Create Ultimate Journal

- Word to HTML Converter (read and convert bullet points)
- Catch up on Journal Entries
- Instagram photo downloader

Find a Web Developer Job or Freelance Gig

- Complete web developer course
- Update/Remake Resume
- Create Website Portfolio
- Create at least 3 websites to add to my portfolio (just for practice)
- Apply for 1 job or look for a gig

Pass Data Structures Course

- Catch up on reading assignments
- Create a Linked List algorithm as per Unit 3
- Discussion Assignment for Unit 5
- Programming assignment review from Unit 4
- Graded Quiz for Unit 5


- Withdraw $200 from bank to pay to Mom
- Add money to Dad's bank account
- Finish Grit

I just have them down in my sticky notes. I should be able to look at them daily. Anyway I don't think I will be able to incorporate this into my journal after all because it would take up too much space. Like I said I have a three folder system: "Done, In Progress, Not started" that has folders and documents about the things I'm working on. I've not created a program to parse through these folders and make associated web pages with them yet though, but I do update the entries often.

Since it looks like I won't be adding my goals here, because I haven't come up with a way to incorporate them into my journal yet that would make sense, I'm going to be adding my horses back and keeping them here until further notice.

Now that I have my goals prioritized, it's pretty easy for me now to get started on one of these, as I completely know what to do and how to accomplish it. I can easily now just uninstall my games, stop watching anime, and just not waste time anymore with my life.

Getting a web developer job and/or gig is my top priority, but my quiz tonight and homework assignments are more urgent. I have to catch up on my reading first, and then I have to do the homework assignments, I have two of them. And then I have to do the graded quiz, which will count for a large portion of my grade in class. I'm going to work on this now.

1:38 PM

Hah. I just checked my grade for the first programming assignment I turned in and this is a little funny. When submitting the assignment, I wrote in this journal about how I didn't do the assignment and basically just wrote down "I tried to do it but ran into an error" and basically turned in a blank homework assignment. I also wrote about how since the assignment is graded by other students, sometimes they lazily give you a 100% score even if you didn't do it.

I didn't do it, and I didn't get a 100%. But for my overall grade in the assignment, I was able to get around 46% which is a really high grade for not turning anything in! This is the assignment that I'm going to work on retroactively by the way. I think I know how to do it, and I want to do it just to relearn a bit of Java again. I don't like Java and I don't want to do that much with it, but it's useful to know still. It's one of the easier languages to 'read' but it's a pain to write.

Anyway, I've come up with a better method of doing my 'reading' assignments instead of just reading the assignments. For one thing, doing the reading is extremely cumbersome for me. Let me go ahead and open my assignment pages that I'm supposed to read and see if I can make sense of it.

Hmm. Yeah this is readable, I can do this, but it's just so lengthy. I'm going to catch up on the reading (and read like 200 pages, no joke), maybe at night when I'm sleepy and want to read something boring but educational. The 'better method' I came up with was just looking up the chapter name, and any sub-chapters that I need to study, and search it on YouTube. There are tons of tutorials about the most random things here, so I'll just watch them online.

11:57 PM

Whew I am tired. I had a graded quiz today which was basically a test since it counted for a lot of your grade, and I managed a decent score which was an 84%. I'm actually pretty disappointed with that score, I'm not sure which questions I got wrong, but there were 25 questions and I apparently missed 4 of them, each question being worth 4 points. It was actually a really easy quiz, the problem is that I took a nap right before it since I was really sleepy, and I ended up having less than 30 minutes to complete the test (but the normal time to complete it was 1 hour and 30 minutes).

Since the quiz was actually extremely easy, I would have been able to get a much better score had I reviewed the other quizzes beforehand, but I didn't have a chance to. Ugh. I'm disappointed in that score but there's not much I can do.

I'm going to sleep.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Sleep – 3:10 AM

3:10 AM – Working on Instagram Photos Downloader – 3:30 AM

3:30 AM – Reviewing Yesterday – 4:27 AM

4:27 AM – Writing Journal – 4:33 AM

4:33 AM – Converting and Uploading Yesterday's Entry – 4:45 AM

4:45 AM – Reading Random Articles Online – 5:20 AM

5:20 AM – Writing Journal – 5:38 AM

5:39 AM – Uploading Yesterday's Photos to Instagram – 5:50 AM

5:50 AM – Writing Journal – 6:10 AM

6:10 AM – Reviewing Homework – 6:12 AM

6:12 AM – Writing Journal – 6:13 AM

6:13 AM – Reading Productivity Guides – 6:33 AM

6:33 AM – Wasting Time 7:13 AM

7:13 AM – Preparing Food – 7:20 AM

7:20 AM – Eating Food – 7:35 AM

7:35 AM – Preparing Food – 7:37 AM

7:37 AM – Eating Food – 7:47 AM

7:47 AM – Wasting Time – 8:03 AM

8:03 AM – Reading Productivity Guides – 8:30 AM

8:30 AM – Wasting Time – 10:50 AM

10:50 AM – Reading Productivity Guides – 11:01 AM

11:01 AM – Writing Journal – 11:16 AM

11:16 AM – Come up with goals – 11:26 AM

11:26 AM – Writing Journal – 11:44 AM

11:44 AM – Reading Productivity Guides – 12:05 PM

12:05 PM – Wasting Time – 12:57 PM

12:57 PM – Preparing Food – 1:08 PM

1:08 PM – Eating Food – 1:13 PM

1:13 PM – Preparing Food – 1:18 PM

1:18 PM – Eating Food – 1:38 PM

1:38 PM – Writing Journal – 1:52 PM

1:52 PM – Homework Studying – 3:08 PM

3:08 PM – Break – 4:29 PM

4:29 PM – Homework Studying – 4:39 PM

4:39 PM – Wasting Time – 6:27 PM

6:27 PM – Homework – 6:47 PM

6:47 PM – Wasting Time – 7:47 PM

7:47 PM – Homework – 7:57 PM

7:57 PM – Wasting Time – 9:57 PM

9:57 PM – Homework – 11:57 PM

11:57 PM – Writing Journal – 11:59 PM

Productive Hours (8:30)
Working on Instagram Photos Downloader (0:20)
Reviewing Yesterday (0:57)
Writing Journal (1:23)
Converting and Uploading Yesterday's Entry (0:12)
Uploading Yesterday's Photos to Instagram (0:11)
Reviewing Homework (0:02)
Reading Productivity Guides (1:19)
Come up with goals (0:10)
Homework Studying (1:26)
Homework (2:30)

Neutral Hours (5:46)
Sleep (3:10)
Preparing Food (0:30)
Eating Food (0:45)
Break (1:21)

Non-Productive Hours (9:31)
Reading Random Articles Online (0:35)
Wasting Time (8:56)

Megg's Horses
Math: 0
Drawing: 0
Python: 2
Web Development: 0
Java: 0
Programming: 2
Exercise: 1

Thursday, March 8th 2018

12:02 AM

I added two hours to my 'Programming' horse which is just general programming knowledge not specific to any language. It could have been three hours since I did general programming for 2 hours and 58 minutes today, but because I was 2 minutes short, according to the rules I made up, no extra numbers could be added to my horses. It's kind of a stupid rule but whatever, I like it.

Anyway I'm extremely sleepy.

7:30 AM

Another one of the productivity tips I was able to acquire was to plan out the day ahead. I'll make it extremely easy for myself today. Why don't I just do this once a day, right when the day starts, of all the things I need to get done that day?

I still have my sticky note of things I really need to do, and I am just going to pull out my daily activities based on that list and based on activities I do / want to do daily. If I can get through everything in this list today, I'll reward myself by either buying hummus (one of my favorite foods, goes well with beans and rice) or the completion of the activities will be reward enough. By the latter, I mean that I don't really want to buy anything if I can help it, one of my favorite foods included, because I don't have any income.

I have around 16 or so hours of awake time today. Let's see how well I can make use of that time today.

To Do Today:
Web Developer Course (5 Hours)
Journal Entry Homework
Convert and Upload Yesterday's Entry
Upload Yesterday's Photos to IG
Walk/Run Outside
Instagram Photo Downloader (1 Hour)

And yeah that's literally it. Those are the things I have to work on today. Honestly the first two are extremely easy. The third one is the hardest, and the one I should do first. The next hardest is the last one, and then after that is the Walk/Run Outside, then the remaining one is pretty easy which is the homework assignment (can be done in like 10 minutes if I rush).

According to the productivity tips I have, it's best to work on the hardest and most rewarding task first. In this list, that's literally the Web Developer Course (5 hours).

So I have to do five hours of that before I can do anything else. Okay let's do it then.

8:16 AM

I'm apparently very hungry, so I'm going to prepare some breakfast first before continuing with the course.

8:18 AM

So I waste a lot of time doing BS activities like going on forums and reading articles and other lame activities that do nothing to benefit my present condition.

9:37 AM

Wow I was lost. Anyway, I was going to write about American exceptionalism, but literally opening the forum page took my attention away for the next 17 minutes despite me not writing another post there or doing anything else other than basically stare and read a few posts. What a waste of time.

So back to American exceptionalism. I came back to America about 3 weeks ago now (wow time goes by fast, I didn't get anything done in that time period), and the first thing I was surprised by is how everyone spoke and understood English. Over in the Philippines, English was just a passing thing, everyone spoke a little bit of it but not that well and they all had accents, signs and other text were English, but very few people spoke it in person.

When I came back to the States holy crap, I was surprised by the amount of Americans and white people everywhere. Well, 'surprised' isn't a good word, it was more like I knew it was coming, but the experience was more overwhelming than expected. What surprised me the most is the English everyone spoke, everyone just spoke it fluently and quickly. "Blah blah blah" rapid words coming out of their mouths.

Then I spoke English to a stewardess, and I just seemed to do it fluently and without an accent. I have bene speaking English now for most of my life, but I'm still surprised at how quickly I was able to transition from one language to another after living in that environment where no one spoke English out loud in a while.

So then in the forums tonight, there were political related posts about how America has become inferior now to the other European countries due to the influx of immigrants taking over the country and slowly turning America into a White minority country. It's a pretty openly racist majority white forum where they openly mock every race, religion, political group, etc, under the sun. There's 'debates' about everything.

So like I said in the thread I was in America was 'inferior' and a bunch of Europeans were saying things like look how America is... So and so negative and racist comments... Then I defended America by telling a poster something like: "If it weren't for America though you wouldn't be on this site (creator is American) you wouldn't be on a computer (created by an American)..." and I just went through a bunch of different inventions like the car, plane, telephone, cell phone, the Internet (debatable, it took several pioneers to do this and an Englander by Tim Berners-Lee is a big name here), video games, etc, etc, were all invented in America.

I mean so many things came out of this country. The printing press, the rocket, the light bulb, the nuclear bomb, YouTube, Google, Facebook, Microsoft, Apple, top video game companies, graphics cards, processor chips, etc, etc. What made or makes these Americans so exceptional? Maybe the money? The language? No idea.

Anyway, I have to get back to my work.

11:11 AM

I've been wasting my valuable time again. However, here's an interesting thought experiment. Let's say that every time a person loses consciousness, they died, and each time they regained consciousness they became a new person, they still retained all the same memories as their previous self, but they were no longer the same person. This means that every time a person goes to sleep, they die, and when they wake up, it's someone else with all the same memories and experiences of the previous person.

I'm not saying that's necessarily true, and it's going to be hard to prove or disprove. But if it were true, that means that the you today, will be the only time that 'you' will be around, because tomorrow there will be another 'you' with the same memories and same thoughts and experiences, but a different person. Frightening right? That means the 'me' today is a different 'me' than all the others, and I'll only be around to write this entry.

Afterwards tomorrow will be a new me. Someone different, hopefully much better. He'll improve from what I'm able to do and accomplish, so I need to lay a good foundation for that person in return, just as how the previous "me's" have left their foundation for the present me.

12:18 PM

I wrote my To-Do list for today at 7:30 AM earlier, and I could have been done by 1 PM if I continued my web development course up 'til now. However, I procrastinated, and the time flew by fast. It's nearly five hours later now and I could have been mostly done by now, but now I will have to wait until after 5 PM before I finish it, and that's if I do it for five hours straight.

I procrastinated by doing pleasure-based activities like watching videos and reading comics, and even reading creepypastas. So many hours gone. How many years of my life have been wasted, despite me knowing exactly what to do and how to do it, I go by procrastinating? I purchased this web developer course back in 2016 for example, and I haven't even completed it up to today. I have many many courses like this that I have yet to go through. It's a pain. I suffer so much.

But that all has to change now. If I want to be a different person in the future, I will have to start by changing myself today. Like I wrote about existentially, today is my only day I'll be here, tomorrow I'll be someone new with all my memories and experiences transferred over. It's nearly impossible and hard to prove that I actually 'died' yesterday, and that I'm a new person today, because I feel the same as before, but that's part of the thought experiment.

It's... It's really been a frustrating experience for me. I don't lie when I say I have procrastination issues. I don't even have ADHD or ADD or any focusing symptoms like that, it's jus that I get bored doing boring things, and I lose in the end. How many years of my life have gone by already? I could have been someone completely different today had I started doing something productive to change my life five years ago.

Yikes. I was nineteen 5 years ago. What the fuck. No fucking way. Seriously all those years, they went by nearly instantaneously. I remember being 19. I remember turning 19, I remember several days and experiences vividly as a 19 year old, I remember what I was doing at the time, I remember some of my early thoughts and philosophies at the time. I remember the people I hung out with, I remember how much money I had, I remember what activities I did, what I was doing, what I was studying.

I pretty much remember all my general experiences of the past and I can quickly sum up my existence at any year and also give a story or two about some events that occurred when I was X years old. Maybe not when I was 8 and earlier though, those experiences I've had in separate years feel all gobbled together into one year and I can't recall those years that well anyway.

But yeah it's really depressing how much time has gone, and how I am who I am today. I really could have been someone different. By the way, I have had thoughts like this, about procrastination, about studying to become somebody significant and skilled, since 14. I didn't keep a journal at the time, so I wrote short stories about it. I was so fucking stupid. There was this one short story I wrote about a 14 year old kid, since I was 14 at the time, and he was playing this video game where this 'prodigy' young 12 year old or something, was hacking the game.

Two years is a significant amount of time difference, but it felt so much more back then as you progress through the school years. Like literally if you're in 7th grade, you're fully inferior to a person in 9th grade as they have had two years extra schooling, they literally know two entire years more information throughout several subjects than a 7th grader would, so the difference gap in knowledge was widely significant.

So back then, as a 14 year old and in 9th grade, I felt like my knowledge was so vastly more than a 7th grader. The gaps would be nearly impossible to cross without taking those two years as well, it felt like. So I wrote this essay about a 'prodigy' 12 year old, and the 14 year old and 12 year old were playing a game. The 14 year old was supposed to be this super good player, but the 12 year old beat him easily and made devastatingly mocking comments like "This is only how good you are after having a 2 year head start? You can't even beat me today. By the time I'm your age I will have significantly more skill and talent than you do today." But even more threateningly.

Like, I wrote pretty good and nice short stories. I enjoyed doing that. I had ideas in school while in class, about the next short story to write, and it was fun. I also made a lot of digital art and websites as a 14 year old. I even made some flash games and YouTube videos! I wrote the stories for the games and everything. I loved those days. I did so much, and learned so much. I loved that era. This continued throughout high school, and even college.

Hell, it was in college, despite it being nice and enjoyable in hindsight, I hated it at the time. I hated it. Hated it. Hated it. The courses were hard, I felt dumb. I failed my calculus class. The dorm was expensive, and so was the schooling, my parents went into deep debt trying to pay it for me since they had no idea how to play finances.

I felt like a rebel, like I didn't need college to survive on my own. So I dropped out, and I did some entrepreneurship. I earned maybe a few hundred dollars a week, I don't even remember. I was able to pay my mom's rent charge of $500 a week though, she said something like "If you don't go to college you're going to have to pay us" which didn't make any sense, but I had to make due somehow. I survived like this for one and a half years. I made some 'decent' money.

What did I do? I don't think I can replicate it. I made a website that went viral, I had ads on it. There were around 20,000 or so visitors a day, I got income from the ads. From there I funded my app development curriculum, and I started making different apps and games. I made several, but they literally gave me no income.

I think it must've been sometime in late 2013 that I made and published my first app. I was staying over at a person's mansion, this person I contracted for, and I was sleeping in his son's room. I still remember it vividly. It was a huge and nice mansion, in front of a lake. It had an enormous driveway that circled around a fountain at the front of the mansion, sort of like how you saw in movies, it's a common clich´┐Ż. But yeah it was like that. And he had a detached garage for 3 cars, but you could fit more than 20 cars in the driveway.

I would park in front of the mansion with my Miata, and I took some pictures of it while parked there. It was cool as hell. He told me his story of how he became hugely wealthy. Anyway, back to my first app that I made.

I was a procrastinator even back then. I knew I had a limited amount of time in the world and that I could only do so much. As a 19 year old that just dropped out of school, as a youngster, I knew I should have done whatever it took to give me a future that would be good for myself several years in the future. This was back in late 2013 when I made my first app, but I should go back to before that to mid 2013 to when I was just a new dropout.

So mid-2013 was when I dropped out. It was after my second semester at school. I'm going to repeat myself, but it's relevant. I thought school was too expensive, and I would have better luck doing my own thing without paying tuition and just trying something entrepreneurial or getting some cheap job with low pay. It's better than being in debt, I thought.

So I dropped out, but not before buying the domain of what would be a viral website. I don't know when the development of that actually started, if I started it while in college, or it was after college that I started it. Either way, I dropped out, and worked on this site. Time seemed to go a lot slower back then, or it just felt like I was able to accomplish a lot more. Anyway, the site went viral, and I managed to eventually earn an income from it after making daily updates to the site.

Around Fall 2013 or maybe Summer 2013 actually, I think it was Summer as I remember the weather not being so cold, I got into Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies. Hard to believe that back then it was around $200, and Litecoin was around $2 or something, it was unbelievable compared to today. I didn't get any income from that at all since I had very little income to begin with, and I could only put in so much money into crypto. I still bought three graphics cards to mine Scrypt coins with though, almost all of them turned out to be duds and literally disappeared. I also bought some Asic block erupters to mine Bitcoin with though. Anyway, that was one of the interests I found at the time.

Come late 2013, I was still into that stuff, and I was now making an alright income from my website (actually it would be below minimum wage and I would have actually earned more if I worked even a $5 an hour job, but since I only had a $500 rent each month, and no other expenses, I didn't care nor did I know that I made below minimum age). So then I got a gig with this person that made a really weird keyboard, I was into typing back then and was looking for cool new keyboards to try out. I contacted him and managed to get a contractor gig working for him.

I just maintained the website, did some site code updates, sent out emails, did some packaging, just miscellaneous work basically. One time I was staying overnight at his mansion, and I think I only did this for two nights or so, and this is where we left off last time before I went on a tangent. I was in his son's room, and I remember it vividly. It was darkly lit. I could have done any activity in the world at that moment, but I forced myself to work on an app.

I still remember some of the images that went on my screen from that day, as if I were still there, I remember the agony of how boring it was. I was forcing myself to go through this work that I didn't want to go through, but I did it, woohoo. I think it may have been that night or a few days later that I was able to publish my first app. After that one time, I would proceed to do it another 10-20 times, pushing out maybe 10-20 apps in under a year, in 2014.

Around a month later from that incident, it was January 2014. I was invited to CES 2014 by my boss, and it was so fun. I went to Las Vegas, stayed at a hotel, I was under 21 so I couldn't' even gamble, and it was so much fun. So much freaking fun. I can't believe I figured out how to get places by myself even though I didn't have wi-fi on my phone, or GPS, and I was scampering for money, so instead of getting a Taxi I would literally just walk from my hotel to the convention.

I stayed at the Circus Circus hotel and the convention was in the Las Vegas Convention Center. Looking up the distance online, it was only a 1.1 mile distance which is nothing, but it felt more painful back then, especially as I wore dress shoes and had to walk that distance back and forth. Still, I really miss those days and times. I felt so independent and that I could do anything. I felt like there were more, a lot more, opportunities back then than there are today.

Like I said, if I had spent my time wisely, I would be a completely, completely different person today. I ended up getting my first job at the end of 2014 in December.

I really think I know how to plan my own life, and that my decisions would have been sound if I hadn't listened to other people's advices or opinions.

Another smart decision would have been to quit work in 2015 and continue my studies and entrepreneurship having a three year head start (compared to today), not wait until 2018 to get fired later and then end up having not as much knowledge and motivation as back then. It's also shameful, because I have had wanted to quit for a very long time. I kept telling my parents I wanted to quit, this was a dead end job, there was nothing for me there. They said no, if you want to do some entrepreneurial shit, do it on your own while you're working.

There's probably journal entries I wrote from back in 2016 where I wrote about wanting to quit work. My first 'selfie for the day' picture I took on the first day of my journal writing entry, was taken right before I would head off to work. I hated it. I was so depressed and everything was so repetitive. My job wasn't web page development or anything related to web page development, it was just about moving and dragging items around on a screen and typing a little bit. A monkey could do it.

Still I held a lot of responsibility in that job. I would tell my friends about the shit I had to go through, and they would say "you only get paid that much for all that work?" Yeah. I mean that environment just didn't have any room for growth for me. I wanted to do web page development, but the job wasn't related to it. So I wanted to quit.

I told my parents. Again, this is repeating but relevant, they said no. I would say it several times in a row in a week and they would say no. What the fuck. Anyway, I know why I got fired. There was a self-evaluation form you had to fill in at the end of the year, I put down honestly that not only did I feel like my job was extremely boring and that I wasn't getting enough pay for the amount of work I did, I actually knew the income and benefits of some of my other employees and I felt so much like shit being treated so unfairly making less than half of what some other people made despite being harder working, and I wrote down that I deserved more.

The worst part was the firing of how I was fired. They didn't even give me a warning. I had signed really shitty contracts with the company that I just had to sign if I wanted to get a job back in 2014, one was that I would be an at-will employee. Meaning I could be fired at any time or any reason. So if they didn't like that I wasn't happy there, boom they could just fire me. Honestly though, I would have just quit if they asked me to instead, that would have been better for me.

But there was no negotiation at all. It was a normal work day, I did my work on time, and I just finished this huge project. Literally one of the hardest projects I've worked on in that company, and I've been there for three years. Three years of relationships, trust, friendships, and so on. I sent out several emails to clients, I sent some emails out and messages to coworkers, and like I said I was able to get that hard project done.

At around 4:00 PM in the afternoon I had this meeting I was invited to earlier that morning, it was just called "Catch Up" by my manager. It was pretty suspicious. I had complained to him about working so much and not earning enough, and he said this lie several weeks back without making eye contact "bonuses are handed out at the end of January", like, what bonuses? So after sending out my last email, I looked at the time and it was 4:00 PM.

I was feeling pretty good, got a lot of work done, was in a good relationship with my coworkers and clients, everything was swell. I was still generally unhappy about my job and pay though, but I couldn't do much about it that I already hadn't done. But anyway, it was meeting time, so I got my laptop and went into this meeting room, in the room was just my manager and the HR head. I already knew what it was about after I saw them, before they even spoke a word. So when they said it, I had already expected it, and I didn't react that much. I was actually feeling happy, liberated. I wanted to quit for years back.

But, what I felt unhappy about, was the way they conducted it. Just in the middle of nowhere during a normal workday, given no warnings whatsoever? They gave me the basic spiel and a BS reason about why I was being fired, saying it was about my performance in 2017. Wow. Really? In video game terms, there's a term called "Carry" in which one person in a team based game does exceptionally well so much so that he basically is winning or 'carrying' the game by himself, hence that term. In 2017, I carried my entire team. Literally.

I did several training sessions, I wrote the guides on how to do the job that I did, I tackled all the hardest projects, and literally anything and everything else that no one else did or was able to do. I could have just not even done any of those things. I could have done a shitty job with the training sessions, I could have not written several eBooks to be used in conjunction with the training, I could have not taken up any of those hard projects I took up and instead taken up easier ones. I felt like I did a lot of carrying work throughout the entire time I worked there, doing enough work for 2-3 people, they even said I did a lot.

As opposite as it is compared to how I procrastinate and not get anything done at home, because I was literally forced to do just that one job while at work, I did it exceptionally well and I tackled a lot of projects. I had no distractions (I didn't want to be seen having some random video or other activity open), so I didn't do anything else. I had people watching over my shoulder, so I made sure all my time was just devoted to work.

How do I get repaid after more than three years of exceptional service? "Catch up meeting at 4:00 PM." And then I get fired, no other warnings, no 1 day alert or anything, nothing. Just a normal work day, then a meeting, and then literally as the meeting was being conducted, all my account access and everything had already been disabled. By the time I got to my desk, I wanted to say goodbye to my coworkers through Slack, but my account was already logged out and disabled! Not to mention my manager said "pack up your stuff, I'll walk you out" as I sat in my desk in disbelief.

Packing up was one of the most embarrassing and heartwrenching moments in my life. I didn't actually care that much because I knew I would never see those guys again, I just wanted to disappear immediately and be out of there as soon as possible, as I packed my things up, almost in tears. It was so embarrassing and the way my manager was looming over my shoulder making comments like "are you done yet?" didn't help. I had a lot of things on my desk, since I'd been there for several years. Again I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye, and my mouth was quivering since I was almost in tears, I didn't want to say a single word because I would have sounded like I was crying.

After I had finished packing my entire backpack was filled with and it bulged out more than any other time before. Then my manager said out loud "come on I'll walk you out" and I expected him to say some comments like "Thanks Megg for all the years you've worked and the products you made here, it was a tough decision but we had to let you go due to present circumstances," but no, he just walked in front of me with silence. Then he opened the door for me in the front of the office, and waved goodbye, then turned around and headed back.

What the fuck. I couldn't even get in anymore because my keys were disabled. This was a place I'd been able to walk through back and forth back then, and it felt comfortable knowing I could go in and out anytime I wanted. That changed all in an instant. I headed down the elevator in full disbelief. I texted my friends telling them what had happened, I hung out with two of them that night.

So I was fired because I had told the truth, that I was unhappy where I was, that I felt like I didn't get paid enough. After three years of hard work and service, three years of relationships and friendships, I was dismissed extremely easily without any warning or a chance to say goodbye to anyone, like I didn't even matter.

Anyway, I had already wanted to quit for a long time, so again I felt liberated once I finally left, but the way it was conducted was harsh. I had good experiences though. I made wrong decisions when I knew what the right decision instead was. I should have quit years earlier in 2015, rather than have waited three years only to arrive at the same place, but later.

They also gave me a form to sign, a severance agreement in which I would receive some pay if I signed it. But signing it meant I had to give up a lot of rights. This was the same company that made me sign an at-will paper and also the same company that made me sign a 'creativity clause' or something like that, in which whatever I worked on during my time of employment there, even if it was on my free time, would belong to the company unless I otherwise specified it in the paper that it was something I was working on or had worked on in the past.

Reading through the papers they gave me though I would basically be giving up all my rights to the company just for a small amount of money. Only a delusional person would sign it (or someone that never read the agreement) I had no reason to sign it and I wasn't going to sign it after reading it, not after the way I was brutally kicked out. I couldn't trust them or what they were going to do with me after I had signed it. The agreements were harsh and I would have been severely restricted. I had a week to sign, and they messaged me a few times that week asking me to sign it and if I had any questions, I ignored those emails.

I forgive them for their harshness, since it's all in the past, and there's nothing I can do about the past. I've forgiven everyone and everything throughout my entire life. I've accepted all my mistakes and indecisions, all my wrong moves, and bad choices, and I've forgiven myself for them too. If I could get rid the regret I've personally had for my life these past few years, I can certainly forgive an evil corporation for kindly taking me in and then harshly spitting me out.

Today I have no skills because I had wasted three years practicing a skill that made no difference and had no relevance in the world outside of that organization. I am far behind from my classmates and friends. Even in things like Bitcoin in which I mined and knew about back in 2013, I'm not even richer than my friends who first learned about it from me back in 2017. I'm the one that told them and taught them about it, but I'm the one behind. Pathetic.

I'm pretty lost and frustrated today. Some more quick summaries about me while I'm at it, feel free to skip this useless stuff, I'm writing it for nostalgic reasons. Here's some of the past accomplishments and activities I remember doing:

I made videos in 2006 as a 13 year old and had hundreds of thousands of views which back in the day was a lot. Unlike my website visits which I honestly might have just exaggerated from memory, these videos are still online and viewable today, they certainly have hundreds of thousands of views. The most views in one vide I've had was around 800,000. I received a comment before that one of my videos was shown to an entire assembly of students at an entire school, what the fuck. I sure made viral videos back in the day.

I made my first website in third grade, and I would make websites for people and classmates throughout elementary school. One of my friends named Cory let me borrow like 20 DVDs for making him a webpage. I especially wanted to watch his Hulk 2003 movie, which just came out at the time, and I was so psyched about it since it just came out. I remember riding my scooter around a mile to go back home, carrying this plastic bag full of DVDs. I watched the Hulk and was disappointed, it was lame and boring for my 3rd grade self. I loved making and updating websites back then, to me it was so much fun to get my content on the web for others to look at and admire even if they were utter garbage made by some 3rd grader.

I acquired my first domain in 2009 that my parents agreed to pay $100 a year for, and I was able to turn that website from a site that had zero visitors, to something that had like 200,000 or something a day, at its peak, back in the day. It's actually this domain that this was all done on, I remember it used to be a top 100,000 website in the world.

So I wrote short stories back then at 14. I would also write creepypastas. There was this creepypasta circulating around that I rewrote and made edits on, I admit the original story was not by me, but I had improved upon the concept and posted it on my site. This version became the most spread, and it quickly became the most popular page on my website, especially during Halloween, and there was even a movie made about this creepypasta I worked on. A movie on IMDB shares the same title as that creepypasta I put up, and the plot is the same as the creepypasta. I don't remember how significant my edits were to it, I think it was originally a one paragraph story, and I added a few paragraphs to improve it.

I became an admin of a private WoW server at 13, people would come to me for admin help, and I was some kid with a high pitched voice that would go around doing game master work for a bunch of 16 year old teenagers (back then 16 was much much older than 13). I looked up to 16 year olds as "old" back then, to me today, they're kids. 16 year olds are almost babies. Back then 16 year olds were the 10th grade high schoolers, and I was a mere 7th grade middle schooler, so of course I thought the gap between us was huge. Now the gap between a 23 year old and a 26 year old is TINY. There's almost no difference.

Like I wrote earlier I made my first apps when I was 19, and in a year published around 10-20 of them, all in the iOS App store, the Android Play Store, and even the Windows Store. The windows and Android ones were taken down, but the iOS ones are still there. I don't get any income from them though.

When I was 14 I made some flash games. Like, I'm really proud of that. They're still on some sites today and I'm so proud I can just go in and relive my past memories. Oh man I really miss those days. I wish I were a kid again.

Also at 19 I worked on a second viral website, similar concept as this site back in the day, but it had a simpler interface. That was pretty much the only difference, and it worked even better. Also at 19 I mined and played around with Bitcoin and other coins, and even went to the small Bitcoin section in CES 2014, I forgot to mention that. That was literally the only reason I mentioned I got into it back then, was to allude to going to a convention that had it in 2014 at CES. I met a guy there that had 63,000 Bitcoins that I saw in his wallet, I think he worked for That was one of the factors of why I lost interest in it, this one guy had so freaking many, made it feel like a huge ponzi scheme.

And then I got my first job at 21 in December 1st 2014. Since then up to late January 2018, I just worked this boring job. I signed a 'creative rights' contract that anything I worked on would belong to the company, so I took a stance against this in the only non-offensive legal way I knew how, and that was to not make anything creative at all. All my life I've enjoyed making my own things, and then this contract says 'oh but if you do that, it belongs to us' so I just stopped. It was easier to stop too, but who am I now? I've become pathetic.

I've grown staler and dumber as a person since I did a dumb and stale job for several years. That was my fault. I'm no longer the same person as I was in 2014 or the years before that lead up to 2014. I'm completely changed, all my creativity and lust for hard work is different today, for better or for worse. But, this means I can change again for the future and become even better.

I hope that clears up my past a little and catches my journal entries up to the present. So I'm frustrated today, because I know I could have been someone completely different. But through the wrong choices, the wrong timing, I ended up as someone I never wanted to become.

I hate procrastinating. I hate wasting time. I always have. But it's a problem I have never been able to conquer. Like I said I spent tens of thousands of hours playing video games during my adolescent years. Tens of thousands of hours. From my journal entries even just recently, I literally was able to play over 30 hours of video games in a single weekend alone. It's not hard to imagine I was able to do this back then too and I did it regretfully.

I just want to change and stop procrastinating. To work on the important tasks at hand, and to get them done. Will I ever make it out of the mess I'm currently in and be able to earn an income again? Will I ever be able to become the person I want to be or will I be stuck being the same person I have always been?

8:45 PM

I just went back and reread some of what I wrote previously, and changed some things.

I'm in disbelief that it's already 3 months into 2018, and this third month is about to end soon. Time is going by exceptionally fast from my viewpoint. I just go to sleep, I wake up, and then I have this list of tasks to work on. I do some of the tasks, and then I go to sleep. I do it the next day. For the two weeks I spent in the Philippines, the days felt a lot longer, each day felt like an eternity. Here, the days go by fast.

I'm shocked that 2017 is already over. I remember writing my December 31st 2016 entry, writing about my New Year's resolutions, and back then 2017 hadn't even started yet. It was about to start, and I felt that it was going to last a very long time. It's already over. The entire year just went whoosh. There's no point dwelling in the past, I just like thinking about the past, the choices I could have been that would have been better.

So today I did two hours of the web development course I bought a few years back. I went through the entire HTML section, and did the final project in the end. I got HTML down. It's easy. The hard part is the CSS which is the next section, one I haven't started on yet. I mean it's not hard, it's just not something I'm good at yet, it's not something I've gotten used to doing. To me it's hard, there are things I don't understand, what's up with the floats, and the clear fixes? How do I make a site in this layout? I don't know some things that well.

I don't think I can get the next two and a half hours of the course I'm supposed to get done today. I wanted to do it for five hours, and at the time I had around 16 hours of awake time available. I had 11 hours of free time to do anything else, but even with that leeway, I wasn't able to do it. I will try to get more hours in tonight, but for now I'll finish up the homework and upload the previous day's entries and photos.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Setting up today's journal – 12:02 AM

12:02 AM – Writing Journal – 12:04 AM

12:04 AM – Wasting Time – 2:00 AM

2:00 AM – Sleep – 7:30 AM

7:30 AM – Writing Journal / Planning Day – 8:00 AM

8:00 AM – Web Developer Course – 8:16 AM

8:16 AM – Writing Journal – 8:17 AM

8:17 AM – Preparing Food – 8:30 AM

8:30 AM – Eating Food – 8:38 AM

8:38 AM – Preparing Food – 8:48 AM

8:48 AM – Eating Food – 8:58 AM

8:58 AM – Wasting Time – 9:18 AM

9:18 AM – Writing Journal – 9:20 AM

9:20 AM – Wasting Time – 9:37 AM

9:37 AM – Writing Journal – 10:00 AM

10:00 AM – Wasting Time – 11:11 AM

11:11 AM – Writing Journal – 11:19 AM

11:19 AM – Wasting Time – 11:49 AM

11:49 AM – Reading Productivity Guides – 12:18 PM

12:18 PM – Writing Journal – 2:28 PM

2:28 PM – Break – 2:42 PM

2:42 PM – Walking Outside – 4:25 PM

4:26 PM – Web Developer Course – 5:33 PM

5:33 PM – Nap – 6:45 PM

6:45 PM – Web Developer Course – 7:45 PM

7:45 PM – Break – 8:45 PM

8:45 PM – Writing Journal – 9:42 PM

9:42 PM – Homework – 10:02 PM

10:02 PM – Wasting Time – 11:02 PM

11:02 PM – Sleep – 11:59 PM

Productive Hours (6:03)
Setting up today's journal (0:02)
Writing Journal (3:20)
Writing Journal / Planning Day (0:30)
Reading Productivity Guides (0:29)
Web Developer Course (2:23)
Walking Outside (1:43)
Homework (0:20)

Neutral Hours (9:34)
Sleep (6:27)
Preparing Food (0:13)
Eating Food (0:28)
Break (1:14)
Nap (1:12)

Non-Productive Hours (4:48)
Wasting Time (4:48)

Megg's Horses
Math: 0
Drawing: 0
Python: 2
Web Development: 2
Java: 0
Programming: 2
Exercise: 2

Friday, March 9th 2018

Tasks Today:
Web Developer Course (Study for 5 Hours)
Walk / Run Outside
Upload Previous Days' Journal Entries
Upload Previous Days' Photos to IG
Instagram Photo Downloader (Work on for 1 hour)
Homework (Work on for 1 Hour)

6:38 AM

Alright I just woke up pretty recently. I have roughly 16-17 hours of waking time today starting from the moment I'm writing this. I just have to dedicate 5 of those 16-17 hours to working on the web developer course. I tried doing this yesterday, but I only managed to get 2 and a half hours in despite having roughly the same amount of waking time available.

So I'm going to try again today, I'm going to try to get everything done this morning, so by the time it reaches 12:00 PM I am already done with this most important task. That is the most important task for me today. The rest do not matter as much.

Anyway, time to get started.

8:40 AM

UNBELIEVABLE! I studied for two hours straight. Woohoo! That was not bad at all. Since I started recording my hours, I think two hours is the longest amount of time I have spent studying a course. I have not been able to sustain my attention onto something so educational for that long before.

I'm just going to give a quick summary of what I learned. I also did this in much more detail, writing several paragraphs, in the specific file I created for this course where I write down what I learned that I said I would add to this website at some point, but here it'll just be a quick summary just naming things I learned right off the bat.

Most of what I learned was about the basics: differences between inline/internal/external, colors, margins, floats, and positions.

The hardest parts were of course floats and positions. These define what the entire page looks like. It's the hardest concept I think to understand, and it's something that I still don't know that much about, but I understand a lot better now after today. I learned that there was an entire div dedicated to just doing 'clear:both;' if floats were used. I didn't know that. I used floats for the current layout of the site, but I didn't create an entire div class just for clearing elements, I just applied the 'clear: float' field to the journal div.

Anyway I'm going to go take a nap.

10:00 AM

Woo hoo!! I just did another hour! I'm already over halfway through my required 5 hours of the day. I should be able to be done around 1 PM today if I don't get distracted and slack off. Afterwards I'll go down the list of things to do, after I do these 5 hours I'm going to exercise outside by walking or running. Normally I would want to run, but it's cold outside, and I'd rather not freeze.

For now though I'm hungry, and I'm going to eat. Then I'll do the remaining two hours of my required hours today.

11:43 AM

Woohoo! I did another one hour of studying a course! I am on a roll today. I have just one more hour before I can finally go outside to take a walk and get some fresh air. I think it's been the one thing I have been looking forward to all this time. Of course I should also celebrate learning and improving, but I just really want to go outside right now. I can't though. Not with just one hour left.

So far I think reading the productivity tips I found online were really helpful. I mean I went from a person that could barely pay attention to doing anything just yesterday, to now look at me, I was able to put in four hours into studying something today. Wow!

Okay, just one more hour. I can get this done before 1 PM.

12:47 AM

Whew I am tired. I got to the point where I stopped last time two years ago, and that was when we worked on the second website project. It involves recreating the BBC homepage from 2014. I was much better at this before and was able to get through the middle-ish section on the page. Now that I'm trying again, it is so much harder. I'm stuck at the very top part of the header and I don't know how to continue.

The floats and divs and other things won't work the way I want it to or how I expect them to. It feels really different from before, even though it's all the same. Anyway, I'm just having a hard time here. I will continue working on it tomorrow or maybe even later tonight, and since it's part of the course, I will still record hours as if I were still doing the course.

I'm super sleepy now. Like, really sleepy. I'm going to take a nap, and then take a walk outside.

4:13 PM

I'm going to take a shower. I think it's been two weeks or so since I last showered. Not saying that's a good thing, it's just that I haven't done it in a while. I've been staying at home most of the time and haven't visited any friends or anything lately so I haven't really had a need to do it. Yeah I know it's bad.

4:27 PM

Now I have to work on converting and uploading the past 2 days' entries. Yesterday was possibly the most I have written in a single day at over 7000 words, so I'm going to scan through and see if there's any parts I have to censor or remove.

5:02 PM

Woohoo! This has turned into one of my most productive days in all of March. It might be my most productive day in all of March. Now I have just two tasks left, work on the Instagram Photo Downloader for an hour, and then work on homework for an hour. Can I do that?

Can I do this? Can I make today my first day in which I complete all of the tasks in my to do list? Is it possible? Can I do this...? Do I have enough strength, courage, persistence, to be able to pull this off?

If I am being honest, I am already exhausted. I want to just give up, go to sleep, watch some videos, play some video games, eat my favorite foods, indulge myself in all the worldly pleasures. After all, even after working so hard, all of this will amount to nothing in the end once I'm dead anyway. And who am I doing all this for? I'm not in a relationship, I don't have any kids, I don't have that many friends, my parents couldn't care less about me or what I do with my life, who am I doing this for? Nobody. I'm not even doing it for myself.

I'm just doing it to pass the time. My short time here on earth.

6:18 PM

I wrote like two lines of code total. Most of my time was spent researching how to access the Instagram photos in the first place, and I think I figured it out. I just have to find a way now to parse through JSON and download the images that way. I wrote about this more extensively in my notes for this project of course, but again I haven't made any program to be able to go through those notes and put them up yet.

I am so hungry. I have barely eaten anything all day. I have to go and cook beans now, which will take around an hour before I can eat. I wanted to cook beans earlier at around 11 AM, so that by the time I finished my web page development course hour, beans would be ready, but that meant interrupting my flow a little bit, so I skipped out on that.

I have finished everything on my to do list for the day, except for the working on my homework part for at least an hour part. I am going to cook some food and then work on my homework after eating. Or maybe I should cook some food, then work on my homework while the beans cook, and then eat, and then continue my homework? I think that's what I'm going to do.

7:08 PM

I checked my homework for the week and saw what I had to read and what I had to do. This week the topic is sorting algorithms. I feel like I haven't even mastered or fully learned all the lessons from the previous weeks yet. I feel like it would be completely appropriate for me to start again on the first week and do all the exercises and homework from then on until today. I don't feel like I'm caught up at all.

This week's homework assignment is to write a sorting algorithm, whether it's quicksort, mergesort, or shell sort. These algorithms are already publicly available, but the task is to write it yourself understanding the basic description and method.

I also stumbled across a Wikipedia article that described real numbers. Real numbers are any number that can be represented along a line. This puts in imaginary numbers as numbers that can't be placed in this line. That's so interesting. What about 3d numbers, numbers instead of represented on a line, can be represented on a 3d axis? That sounds insane, to today's understanding of mathematics, but who knows what's possible in the future.

8:15 PM

Oh my gosh I am so full. I went from extremely hungry to extremely full in the span of just a few minutes. I ate a bunch of beans. Beans full you up a lot since it's a heavy food. My stomach hurts. I shouldn't eat so much next time.

8:21 PM

I did it. I finished all my work today. Some things I didn't actually 'finish', like I didn't do any of my homework (I just studied for an hour) and I didn't finish the Instagram Downloader program (I just read online sources for an hour), but they still counted as me finishing the work on my to do list I put up this morning.

I'll do the same thing for tomorrow. I'm really full and tired right now, I am going to either watch some videos or chill out for a bit. Ahh I'm so full.

8:42 PM

Coca-Cola. This is a modern drink of our times. It has a real unique taste, the ingredients a closely guarded secret. How can I describe it? When you pour Coca-Cola into a cup, it starts to fizz and fuzz, making a loud fizzy sound, sort of like the static from a television, but more organic sounding. The sound is from the bubbles rapidly forming, and then rapidly popping one by one, if you take a close look at it, you can see the small bubbles popping all over, making that sound, and evaporating the aroma that smells like how the drink tastes.

It's a brown color, sort of like maple syrup, but darker, and it has a low viscosity able to flow like water. It smells sweet, usually served cold, and it leaves this strange 'melting' sensation in the mouth. If you're not used to drinking such soft drinks, this 'melting' sensation can be uncomfortable, but it's part of the charm of why it's such a popular drink today. This drink is sold all over the world and its taste can be distinguished by anyone who has tasted it before.

It leaves a comfortable sweet after-taste in your mouth, making you crave more. This is such a classic drink. I'm glad I drank some tonight, it's something I probably haven't drank in a few years, and I'm not exaggerating. I never drink soft drinks, I only drink juices and water. There are other kinds of soft drinks out there, but I haven't tasted them in years either, I haven't had a point to.

Why did I try to describe it? For historical archival purposes, just in case it disappears one day. I can't really describe the taste anymore than that, English is a limited language when it comes to describing exact sounds, tastes, or other sensations. You can't describe any sensation to someone who has never experienced that sensation before. In what language is it possible to do this?

Usually you are able to describe sensations to others by having them experience that sensation, and then giving a word for that sensation. For example, the word Umami is one I have never come to understand. It's a Japanese word for a 5th taste of the tongue. The four English ones: bitterness, saltiness, sweetness, and sourness. Those four, I can't even describe that well, but I can distinguish them since I've experienced all of them before. How can I even describe something sweet to someone who has never experienced it before?

Anyway, Umami is the fifth sensation of the tongue. It's a word I have never understood. I know Tomatoes are supposed to be high in Umami. It's supposed to describe a 'richness' and 'fullness' in flavor, but I don't think I've ever tasted that. I have never eaten some food and thought 'wow this is high in Umami'. Even though I've probably experienced Umami before, the way it's been described to me several times in English, still has not made me understand exactly what it is.

So what the heck is it? Carrots are also supposedly high in Umami. When I eat Carrots, they usually don't taste like anything. Just a hard tasting food. They do have a taste though, but it's very subtle. See, because Umami isn't used so often in our English culture, and it's not something I've ever heard used in a sentence in real life of someone going 'Wow the Umami on this food is so high, it's higher than the normal amount of Umami. It's so Umami-full', that I have never really come to understand what it means.

I still have no idea what Umami means. I've read several descriptions of it several times. I've skimmed through the Wikipedia page, I've tasted and eaten foods supposedly high in it, but I still don't know what it means.

Considering I can taste foods and still don't know what a certain 'taste' is after it's been described to me despite eating food my entire life on a daily basis, you can imagine how hard it is to describe sensations to someone who has never experienced it before. I've experienced Umami, but I don't even know what it is. How can I describe Coca-Cola to someone who has never tasted it?

It's just a limitation with all languages in general. There's no way to do it. There's too few words to describe many intangible concepts that we don't even have a word for yet. Language limits thoughts however. If English didn't have a word for 'courage', for example, then English speakers would have no idea what it is. If there was no word for 'time', then no one would know what it was.

For example, I can make up a concept right now that has no word for it. How about a word for the sensation of imaginarily being squished and flattened like a pancake? Sure someone can just use 'they felt like they were being flattened like a pancake', but I'm talking about an actual word for it, for that concept and sensation. How about a word to describe your skin being flipped inside out? Or a word describing the feeling of wanting to stick something into your fingernails (something I do often when I have a pillowcase where I can fold a small part of its edges into a sharp 'triangle', sometimes I don't so I can't)?

How about a word for wanting to lose weight? That's something common in our society today, but there's not a word to describe it. A word for wanting to be rich? A word for wanting to be skilled? These describe my own wants... How about a word for running sideways? Not just 'oh he was running sideways' but maybe 'he was ganning' (to gan is to run sideways). "He ganned through the thin alleyway where his obese pursuer wasn't able to get through."

How about even, a word for running backwards? "The footballer nanned and caught the ball headed towards him." You know we create labels to describe new things all the time. Anytime a new person is born, they become a new 'thing', and they're instantly given a name to distinguish them from other similar things. That makes them unique.

There's probably as many intangible concepts out there as there can be possible art, possible music, possible math discoveries, possible programs, and so on, basically limitless. So there's not that many words available right now. There's going to be a whole lot of new words in the future, and English as we know it in the time period I'm in, will be unrecognizable from future English.

I mean already Shakespeare's work is confusing to read through and he lived just a few hundred years ago. Language changes. But I can still completely understand works from the early 20th century as I can modern English today, so maybe it won't change all that much. Maybe in a few hundred years.

Anyway I'm going to take a break again.

10:59 PM

There used to be this theme park ride called the Caterpillar I vaguely remember from the Philippines. There was a carnival set up literally just right across from the home I used to live in as a kid. Man those were such good days, except at that point in time I never thought I would be living in the U.S. in the future. Anyway, this Caterpillar ride was one of my favorites, I had memories of it going so fast, and it was so scary. Like as a kid, it was terrifying and scary to ride.

I searched it on the Internet and a Wikipedia page popped up of the Caterpillar ride. Apparently this ride used to be so popular that it was in almost available in every theme park in the U.S. but quickly dwindled down in popularity. There's only two in operating existence today, one is in New Hampshire, the other is in Canada.

Actually looking at a FPOV video of it, it's not the same ride. There's this weird thing that comes down and covers it? I don't remember that happening. Maybe it was a completely different ride, but it was just called the Caterpillar in the Philippines. Anyway, I'm just reminiscing. I would love to visit a theme park again once I save enough. First I need an income in the first place.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Sleep – 6:10 AM

6:10 AM – Wasting Time – 6:27 AM

6:27 AM – Reviewing Yesterday – 6:33 AM

6:33 AM – Planning Today – 6:37 AM

6:37 AM – Writing Journal – 6:40 AM

6:40 AM – Web Developer Course – 8:40 AM

8:40 AM – Writing Journal – 8:54 AM

8:54 AM – Nap – 9:00 AM

9:00 AM – Web Developer Course – 10:00 AM

10:00 AM – Writing Journal – 10:03 AM

10:03 AM – Preparing Food – 10:10 AM

10:10 AM – Eating Food – 10:18 AM

10:18 AM – Preparing Food – 10:27 AM

10:27 AM – Eating Food – 10:38 AM

10:38 AM – Web Developer Course – 11:38 AM

11:38 AM – Break – 11:43 AM

11:43 AM – Writing Journal - 11:46 AM

11:46 AM – Web Developer Course – 12:47 PM

12:47 AM – Writing Journal – 12:51 PM

12:51 PM – Nap – 2:44 PM

2:44 PM – Preparing Food – 2:49 PM

2:49 PM – Eating Food – 2:54 PM

2:54 PM – Preparing to Walk Outside – 3:00 PM

3:00 PM – Walking Outside – 4:13 PM

4:13 PM – Writing Journal – 4:14 PM

4:14 PM – Taking Shower – 4:27 PM

4:27 PM – Writing Journal – 4:29 PM

4:29 PM – Reviewing Yesterday – 4:37 PM

4:37 PM – Converting and Uploading Past Days' Entries – 4:45 PM

4:45 PM – Uploading Previous Days' Photos to IG – 5:02 PM

5:02 PM – Writing Journal – 5:07 PM

5:07 PM – Working on Instagram Photo Downloader – 6:18 PM

6:18 PM – Writing Journal – 6:22 PM

6:22 PM – Preparing Food – 6:28 PM

6:28 PM – Homework – 7:08 PM

7:08 PM – Writing Journal – 7:14 PM

7:14 PM – Homework – 7:41 PM

7:41 PM – Preparing Food – 7:45 PM

7:45 PM – Eating Food – 7:55 PM

7:55 PM – Preparing Food – 8:00 PM

8:00 PM – Eating Food – 8:15 PM

8:15 PM – Writing Journal – 8:17 PM

8:17 PM – Wasting Time – 8:21 PM

8:21 PM – Writing Journal – 8:25 PM

8:25 PM – Break – 8:41 PM

8:41 PM – Writing Journal – 9:36 PM

9:36 PM – Break – 10:59 PM

10:59 PM – Writing Journal – 11:07 PM

11:07 PM – Wasting Time – 11:59 PM

Productive Hours (11:06)
Reviewing Yesterday (0:14)
Planning Today (0:04)
Writing Journal (1:49)
Web Developer Course (5:01)
Walking Outside (1:13)
Converting and Uploading Past Days' Entries (0:08)
Uploading Previous Days' Photos to IG (0:17)
Working on Instagram Photo Downloader (1:11)
Homework (1:07)

Neutral Hours (11:37)
Sleep (6:10)
Nap (1:59)
Preparing Food (0:36)
Eating Food (0:49)
Break (1:44)
Preparing to Walk Outside (0:06)
Taking Shower (0:13)

Non-Productive Hours (1:23)
Wasting Time (1:23)

Megg's Horses
Math: 0
Drawing: 0
Python: 3
Web Development: 7
Java: 0
Programming: 3
Exercise: 3

Saturday, March 10th 2018

Tasks Today
Web Developer Course (Study for 5 hours)
Walk / Run Outside
Work on Word to HTML Converter (add ability to find and add Strikethroughs, review bullet points)
Upload Previous Day's Journal Entry
Upload Previous Days' Photos to IG
Instagram Photo Downloader (Work on For 1 Hour)
Homework (Work on Linked List Implementation in Python and Java for at least an hour)

7:28 AM

Alright I just woke up recently. The plan is basically the same as yesterday's. I admit I didn't get that much sleep tonight, so I'm kind of disappointed in that. I'm still a little bit tired and sleepy right now, but I'm already awake so there's nothing I can do about it. It's going to be really hard to fall back asleep.

So, I have around 14 hours or so of being awake. Maybe 12 hours. This is less than yesterday's, because I had less sleep last night. Still, 10 hours is just enough to get all my tasks in, and I have two or so hours extra. Hmm. I'm yawning.

I'm considering lying down again and trying to go to sleep to get some more energy. I will try that actually, I don't know if I'll last five hours trying to do the web developer course if I'm tired like this.

4:32 PM

There's really nothing I can do about dying, is there? The last time I wrote on here it was 7:28 AM. The day was ahead of me. I just had to study for 5 hours and then exercise, and so on, and so on, and I would've been done with everything. I would've been done with studying by around 1 PM if I just did that from 7 AM onwards.

Now it's already 4:32 PM. I feel like it's too late. Even if I put in 5 hours straight right now, it would be 9:32 PM, I wouldn't have the complete time to do everything else. I know why I'm procrastinating too. It's because the task before me is difficult. I have to remake the BBC website and when I spent an hour on it last time, I was barely able to get anything done.

The thought of having to spend five hours on it, and just struggle and struggle, made me want to give up before I even started. I wrote about wanting to take a nap, but instead I started watching some anime. I finished two entire Anime series' during this entire time. Maybe 3. It's so bad I don't even remember all of these anime's names. I finished 2-3 but I watched several different anime series', since last night.

These were the ones I completed: Inou Battle and Yamada Kun to 7-nin no Majo. I watched these other ones as well, at least three episodes and some of them to the near end: Kokoro Connect, Sakurada Reset, and Amagi Brilliant Park. There might have been some other ones I missed too where I just saw a single episode or two and I can't recall their names. But yeah there's a lot of anime out there.

The reason why I didn't study at 12 PM was because I figured if I started then, I wouldn't be done until 5 PM, and then it would have been 'too late' by that point. That's the similar logic I'm using to procrastinate and not do anything right now. I'm already too tired.

7:14 PM

I fell asleep for the past few hours. It's now been over 12 hours since I woke up this morning and decided on what I had to do for the day. There's no way I can fit in another 5 hours of studying tonight before the day ends (it's physically impossible since there's less than 5 hours left today), so I'm going to be revising my to do list for just what I have to do tonight. If I'm able to get this done tonight, I'll consider today a success still, despite having procrastinated and wasting so much time.

Yeah. That'll be the compromise I have to make. There's still a few hours left today, I'll try and make the most of it. I realize the mistake I made today, and I'll try not to make those same mistakes again.

Tasks Today (Procrastination Update)
Web Developer Course (Study for 1 hours)
Walk / Run Outside (30 minutes)
Work on Word to HTML Converter (add ability to find and add Strikethroughs)
Upload Previous Day's Journal Entry
Upload Previous Day's and Today's Photos to IG
Instagram Photo Downloader (Work on For 30 Minutes)
Homework (Work on Linked List Implementation in Python and Java for at least 30 minutes)

9:39 PM

Woohoo! I did over an hour today! It wasn't even that hard actually, once I got started, I got a flow going. Also, it's so much harder than I thought. I got the topmost part of the header of the website done similar to the way the website is built, but the header is split up into three parts. When I started working on the second part, then the entire first part of the header became messed up!

I'm just using some cheap 'sleazy' tricks to get it done though, since I don't know the 'proper' way if any, there is to do this, and it worked for the top part, but then it didn't work for the next part. I don't know what to do to fix the second part though, but I can work on it tomorrow.

I have to get some exercise in so I'm going to walk outside for a bit tonight.

11:53 PM

Oh yeah, what a good day today, in the last four hours of it anyway. I wasted my time with the anime, I didn't really learn anything from watching even 10 hours or more (however many hours I watched it for) of watching anime didn't really change my life at all in any way. How could it? But my one hour of working on the course I was working on, didn't really do much to my life either, but I slightly learned a bit more.

It doesn't feel like I learned anything since I'm working on a project and it's freaking hard and I'm trying to figure things out and things aren't working as I want them to work, but I think I'm learning. I think this is how you learn, by just trying something hard, and keeping at it for a while until it's understood.

Anyway, I wasted a lot of time today. I may waste a lot of time tomorrow as well. I'm planning on actually playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided for a little bit after midnight, before I go to sleep. It's been a while since I played it and I think it'll be fun to get used to again.

Also I'm quite sleepy as well so I may just call it quits too. Either way the day is over now, it went by quick, and I realize I'm going to die someday.

As the days pass by, the clock ticks round and round, looping in a never-ending cycle, not getting anywhere, but somehow getting closer and closer to the day I'll be dead.

Time Log

12:00 AM - Wasting Time – 2:00 AM

2:00 AM – Sleep – 6:40 AM

6:40 AM – Wasting Time – 7:20 AM

7:20 AM – Reviewing Yesterday – 7:25 AM

7:25 AM – Planning Today – 7:28 AM

7:28 AM – Writing Journal – 7:36 AM

7:36 AM – Wasting Time – 9:44 AM

9:44 AM – Preparing Food – 9:52 AM

9:52 AM – Eating Food – 10:00 AM

10:00 AM – Preparing Food – 10:04 AM

10:04 AM – Eating Food – 10:10 AM

10:10 AM – Wasting Time – 4:32 PM

4:32 PM – Writing Journal – 4:41 PM

4:41 PM- Sleep – 7:14 PM

7:14 PM – Writing Journal – 7:22 PM

7:22 PM – Bathroom – 7:45 PM

7:45 PM – Reading Productivity Guides – 8:16 PM

8:16 PM – Web Developer Course – 9:39 PM

9:39 PM – Writing Journal – 9:42 PM

9:42 PM – Preparing to Walk Outside – 10:00 PM

10:00 PM – Walking Outside – 10:34 PM

10:34 PM – Working on Word to HTML Converter – 11:24 PM

11:24 PM – Taking Photos – 11:28 PM

11:28 PM – Uploading Previous Day's Journal Entry – 11:34 PM

11:34 PM – Uploading Previous Day's and Today's Photos to IG – 11:53 PM

11:53 PM – Writing Journal – 11:59 PM

Productive Hours (3:31)
Reviewing Yesterday (0:05)
Planning Today (0:03)
Writing Journal (0:26)
Reading Productivity Guides (0:31)
Web Developer Course (1:23)
Walking Outside (0:34)
Working on Word to HTML Converter (0:50)
Taking Photos (0:04)
Uploading Previous Day's Journal Entry (0:06)
Uploading Previous Day's Photos to IG (0:19)

Neutral Hours (8:20)
Sleep (4:40)
Preparing Food (0:08)
Eating Food (0:19)
Bathroom (0:23)
Preparing to Walk Outside (0:18)

Unproductive Hours (11:10)
Wasting Time (11:10)

Megg's Horses
Math: 0
Drawing: 0
Python: 3
Web Development: 8
Java: 0
Programming: 3
Exercise: 3

Sunday, March 11th 2018

Tasks Today
Web Developer Course (Study for 5 Hours)
Walk / Run Outside
Instagram Photo Downloader (Work on for 1 Hour)
Homework (Work on for 2 Hours)
Take Daily Photos
Upload Yesterday's Journal Entry
Upload Today's Daily Photos

8:45 AM

I just woke up, almost literally. I had a few minutes to lie in bed to think about the dream I just had, it felt so real and vivid, like I was actually there.

My dream took place in the Philippines. That's where I'm from and where I grew up, I lived a 4 hour drive away from the capital, which is where most tourists go, and even the capital is a pretty poor place, but they have no idea what it's like out in the actual 'provinces' (common slang word we use to describe areas where foreigners rarely go, it's also used to describe borders within the Philippines sort of like States in the U.S.) where foreigners are almost never seen, where English can just be barely understood and spoken.

Anyway, so in this dream I don't remember what it was or why I had to do this, but I was tasked to do something on the other side of town. To get around of course, I walked, which was the most common mode of transportation in this third world country. So the streets were beaten up looking dirty and littered with trash, the road construction quality was poor, the entire road was basically one large piece of cement with uneven surfaces and no lines on it, both sides of the road surrounded by buildings and stores, which doubled as house residents. All buildings had metal bars on the windows making each window look like a prison, and each building looked beat up and trashed in its own right. This is just how it was, this is how it is in real life as well.

My dream became a vivid memory of the real world. That wasn't what stood out the most from my dream though. So I was tasked to do some task that required me from walking from one side of town to the other, which meant I had to go through streets like this. What was gruesome to me was that I saw pigs chained up, lying on their backs, with their stomachs bulging out, strewn up in cages or just out in the open on the ground or on tables. They were visible just out on the side of the road, near residences. Some were even placed just a little bit underground beneath the road, where a metal grate still made them visible although it was a little dark there, and where vehicles would drive over them.

This was such a painful sight for me to look at. I couldn't believe the atrocities being done, to see pigs on their backs like this, all chained up. The worst part was that I was able to understand them. Of course they didn't speak English, but I understood them as if they were, a lot of them were quiet, some of them screamed out for help. I remember one of them was asleep a little bit underground, visible through a metal grate which also acted as the cage door, and this thing was huge, as it made all the pigs there visible. This one pig was sleeping, with its snout somehow on the grate, as a vehicle drove over it, shaking it up, waking up the pig. The pig made a nonchalant comment about not sleeping in that position again.

Throughout the city as I would walk I would observe this ghastly view, and be shocked and awed the entire time. There was nothing I could do about it. I was powerless to stop this as the laws of the world made this legal. I was angered, but motivated to try and change something.

The next part of my dream had me flying back to the U.S., and somewhere along the flight, maybe it was at an airport, but I remember it being at some other building, a mayor's house party or something (dreams are unbounded and you can be progressing along a story line to get somewhere but then all of a sudden you're on the other side of the universe and in a dream context this made sense). In this house party I met the mayor of a town (not in the Philippines as the race population here looked more like it was in the U.S.) and he persuaded me to vote for him.

This second part of my dream is irrelevant to the first part, but thoughts and memories of the first part and what I had seen still lingered in my mind. This mayor had talked about several issues with me to try and persuade me to vote for him, but he ignored the biggest issue of all from my perspective and that was the issue of animal cruelty, violence, torture, and slaughter. All of a sudden there was an angry crowd of people, voters, that were unhappy with this mayor and they started rebelling against him and saying what a liar and corrupt politician he was.

To me none of that really mattered, the largest problem still existed. It's something nearly impossible to beat, it's something accepted today by modern society by the majority of the people. People don't know how messed up the world really is, while they complain about the minor issues, and every issue is minor compared to this, the actual blood of billions of lives are being spilled on a daily basis, taken from them through torture, slaughter, and death.

In real life I have not eaten any meat for nearly six years. It was sometime in late 2012 that I became a vegan. I was obese at the time and was barely able to perform well in athletics, I was in college and in ROTC where I had to wake up at 5 AM every MWF, and run and do exercises for two hours until 8 AM. What surprised me is that despite doing two hours of grueling exercises three times a week, I was still unfit and unhealthy, always the last person when we did our run around the campus. At some point while studying in the library at night, I was in a private room in the library which was this small room with a desk and a chair that you could reserve, I had two whoppers with me that I was eating, and I just felt like I had a 'mini-heart attack' where my chest felt tight and constricted, I was barely able to breathe, and felt almost like blacking out.

I was on the floor on all fours trying to breathe. I was in a private room so no one could see me, and it was late at night so barely anyone was in the library to begin with. I didn't scream or anything, I tried to get composure by myself in this room. I pulled myself back up to the desk and sat back down on the chair, I eyed my half eaten whopper and the other completely unopened whopper, and I just threw them both away in the garbage next to me. They cost me around $3 each, which to a college student that had no source of income, that was a considerable amount of money. I then started looking up sources online on what I could do to lose weight, and I tried several advice, guides, and diets.

It wasn't until a short time afterwards, maybe a month or so of trying out different things, that I stumbled across this video guide on how to beat cancer. This sounds completely like pseudoscience as so many people lose cancer on a daily basis right? Well I learned about these chemicals known as phytochemicals and a subset of these chemicals were known as phytonutrients. These were found predominantly in plant foods. Phytonutrients were able to fight and block various diseases, including cancer, and saw that animal products actually increased cancer risk. This was proven to me when I saw the study of blood and poop of vegans/vegetarians/non-vegs being compared with one another, drops of these different groups' blood or poop were dropped on cancer cells, and the results would be shown on how many cancer cells were eliminated. The vegan group consistently won, so I decided to give it a try.

That was around six years ago, my study and understanding of the topic has greatly improved since then. The main takeaway I was able to get was that every disease and illness in this world can be cured by certain foods, diets, and behaviors. Pills and prescriptions are not necessary when every health problem in the world can be cured without them. Of course I'm not discounting surgery or other emergency procedures that are required sometimes, just pills and prescription pills, which I describe as just grounded up plants and chemicals placed in tiny capsules that have less potency than actual plant foods. Why take pills when you can eat food?

So along the way since my lifestyle and understanding of the world had changed, I became pretty enraged at our society that we continue to slaughter animals on a daily basis and continue to waste valuable resources such as the majority of our freshwater supply, the majority of our crops, and a good amount of our time, to raising live sentient beings each as individual as us, only to slaughter them for food in the end. It's such a waste not only for the lives cruelly and wastefully ended, but also for the human health damaged, and the environmental impact this animal agriculture has.

I have been eating some vegan meat-substitute products lately since my dad has been buying them for himself, he's also a vegan after I showed him studies of how ridding himself of animal products could cure his gout, and have been showing these vegan meat-substitute products in my daily photos of what I eat, but I think I'll stop now. I mean they taste exactly like meat does, the texture and feel are the same. I haven't eaten meat in nearly six years and feel completely fine, in fact I'm in much better health than ever before, and I don't exercise all that much, I only started doing my daily walks just recently.

I have come to understand there is almost nothing I can do about this situation despite understanding how it's possibly the worst problem of the world today. Sure there's politics, there's war, there's corruption, and other minor problems, but in my opinion, this is the biggest problem in the world that would solve our energy crisis and most of our environmental problems overnight, yet few others see it that way. I understand every other issue is minor compared to this, my own personal problems are nonexistent in fact.

This is one of the things that motivates me in the world, but I constantly forget about it. I try to solve the problem and contribute in my own way, one step at a time. I understand that it's a problem I will never solve, but as I continue to live, I will strive to solve it.

11:17 AM

Well it's time that I take my health and fitness more seriously than ever before. The past few weeks I was in the Philippines, I kept eating a ton of different kinds of foods, and I realize that my stomach became larger as a result. I have to eat much less food on a daily basis if I want to attain a better health and fitness for myself.

I don't even know how much I weigh, but if I were to estimate I would be in the range of around 180 through 195. I weight around 240-250 pounds at my peak, so I'm significantly at a much better health stage than before, but I'm still unhealthy. I need to walk and run more and also eat less foods. I eat way too much food right now.

Today we're taking my dad to a Chinese vegetarian restaurant for his birthday that he wants to go to since he is a vegan himself, it's just a Chinese restaurant where you can order all the normal Chinese foods, but vegetarian versions of them. It's a great place to eat, lots of items on the menu. I'm going to be ordering just a light meal, maybe just some vegetable sushi, instead of my normal "general tso's tofu" plus whatever other foods I would get.

We're going to be heading out soon, I'm going to be working on the website before then, and I will still try to get five hours in today. The way my list is organized is that it works in a hierarchy with the most important tasks coming in first at the top, and to 'unlock' the next set of activities, I would have to first complete the one above it. The web developer course is by far the hardest and most important activity on the list, and because of that it should be the first thing I work on.

If I want to upload my photos to IG later tonight or upload my latest journal entry to my website, I will first have to complete my five hours of web development, then I would have to walk/run outside for exercise (this can be any amount of time as I didn't put a time limit on it), then work on the Instagram photos downloader, then two hours of homework, take my daily photos, and then finally can I upload my journals and photos online.

That's for today anyway. The task list changes day to day, but the underlying principle would be the same. I have to do each task one by one, if I want to do the next task below. So that's how it works. I'm going to continue working on the web developer course now so that I finish it later.

10:41 PM

Well I have officially lost motivation to do anything else for the remainder of the day. I just feel too tired and/or unmotivated to do anything else now. I just feel like playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided for the rest of the night.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Reviewing Yesterday – 12:02 AM

12:02 AM – Planning Today – 12:05 AM

12:05 AM – Playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided – 3:40 AM

3:40 AM – Sleep – 8:45 AM

8:45 AM – Writing Journal – 9:53 AM

9:53 AM – Bathroom – 10:18 AM

10:18 AM – Reading Book on Aging – 10:40 AM

10:40 AM – Watching Videos on Aging – 11:17 AM

11:17 AM – Writing Journal – 11:30 AM

11:30 AM – Cleaning Up Room – 11:46 AM

11:46 AM – Working on Web Developer Course – 12:43 PM

12:43 PM – Lunch with Parents – 2:52 PM

2:52 PM – Working on Web Developer Course – 4:25 PM

4:25 PM – Sleep – 6:41 PM

6:41 PM – Working on Web Developer Course – 8:41 PM

8:41 PM – Wasting Time – 10:41 PM

10:41 PM – Writing Journal – 10:44 PM

10:44 PM – Wasting Time – 11:59 PM

Productive Hours (6:52)
Reviewing Yesterday (0:02)
Planning Today (0:03)
Writing Journal (1:24)
Reading Books on Aging (0:22)
Watching Videos on Aging (0:37)
Cleaning Up Room (0:16)
Working on Web Developer Course (4:30)

Neutral Hours (9:55)
Sleep (9:21)
Bathroom (0:25)
Lunch with Parents (2:09)

Unproductive Hours (6:50)
Playing Deus Ex Mankind Divided (3:35)
Wasting Time (3:15)

Megg's Horses
Math: 0
Drawing: 0
Python: 3
Web Development: 12
Java: 0
Programming: 3
Exercise: 3

Monday, March 12th 2018

Tasks Today
Create Pomodoro Program
Web Developer Course (5 Hours)
Walk / Run Outside
Homework (Write Linked List algorithm in Python then Java, write Binary Search Tree algorithm in Python then Java)
Upload Previous Days' Photos
Upload Previous Days' Journal Entries

Schedule Today
Write Pomodoro Program
Web Developer Course / Break Combo as often as required
Eat Food after 2 hours, then again after another 2 hours
Prepare to Go Outsides
Walk/Run Outside
Homework / Break Combo as often as required
Upload Previous Days' Photos
Upload Previous Days' Journal Entries

1:14 PM

Woohoo! I'm really proud of what I have gotten done so far. I've been productive for most of the day since this morning, I made a quick Pomodoro program that would just interrupt me after 30 minutes to let me know it was time to take a break. After that, working has become so much easier. I'm so surprised and shock at how easy it is to pay attention now that breaks have been implemented. Before this, I would try to get 5 hours done in just one go, and although that would have saved around an hour of break time, it would have been completely exhausting to go through.

I also worked the BBC site project again today, I gave up last night and called it quits with my current design and where it was headed, so I just 'cheated' and started watching the answer videos on how it was supposed to be done. After I started watching the videos, my frustration slowly went away, ohh now I get it. That's how it's supposed to be done.

It's pretty much not at all confusing now, now that I know how it's done. I actually managed to get most of the header done today, and I made sure to spice it up a little better than the answer videos as well, there is just one tiny section left.

So far I think the way my HTML and CSS code is organized is way more organized than the instructor's. The instructor had to make several divs for almost every element, I'm like what the hell. I just ended up giving the elements their own unique IDs and manipulated their CSS that way, instead of having to make a new DIV each time for every single piece. I think my way made more sense, it looks cleaner in the code too.

This was such a good activity. I enjoyed doing this. I just have around 2 hours and 12 minutes left of web development time before I can get my full five hours in. Believe it or not, it's actually extremely difficult to get that kind of time in. I don't know how some people are able to study 9 hours a day when I can barely last five hours doing something a lot more exciting than studying.

Anyway, I guess this is my life right now. I've just been here in my room since this morning, staring at this computer screen, seemingly no purpose in life. I wonder if I can share my project code with others? It does have the BBC logo on it, so I wonder if that's not allowed because of that.

I just checked online and it seems like from some other individuals taking the course, they have indeed uploaded all their files regarding the website onto Github. If I'm going to do the same, I'm going to remove the BBC branding first. I want to be able to share my work and code, but maybe not have any branding on it.

Wait, WTF. I'm checking my repositories, and I have a "Websites" repository. In this "Websites" repository, I have this BBC website there already, and the code is long. WTF. I have to check this out. This was from two years ago.

Well that's pretty overpowered. I finished most of the site before. I got way further than the header. Pretty much 90% of the website was completed. How the hell did I know how to do this before, but when I tried doing it again recently, I was so frustrated and barely knew how? Let me check out my code of how I was able to do it back then.

Oh gosh not bad. I wrote it in LESS back then so there's a bunch of weird spacing in the CSS, and I wrote the HTML in Jade. That's what I remember. I remembered myself doing part of it, but I don't recall doing it this much. Holy crap. Also from the videos, it keeps track of whether you watched them or not. I had not watched any answer videos until literally this morning, so I made this entire website by myself two years ago without peeking at the answers. That's really impressive.

I would say my code today is more refined though. I'm just completely blown away by this. Who knows how far I could have gone had I just kept this up? But I gave up at some point, feeling bored or tired or something. I don't even know how many hours this took me to work on, but it looks like quite some effort was put in. It's taking me a really long time now. Also I didn't upload the images folder to github for some reason, just the html and css.

Not bad though, not bad. I think my website today is better, I did things precisely and smoothly, it looks very identical, almost exactly. It does look completely different in Firefox though. Everything is so different across these two browsers.

I'm not planning on making websites from scratch raw like this all the time though so I'm not going to bother fixing it for both browsers right now, I plan on using a template framework such as Bootstrap to make all this transition across browsers seamless. However, this browser difference is a concern and I've taken note of it.

I'm going to let my eyes take a break and walk outside now.

4:55 PM

In that last hour of web development I unintentionally did not take a break at the 30 minute mark and instead kept on going for another 30 minutes. I'm surprised I was able to last for so long! I'm also surprised there's still 37 minutes left of web page development that I have to do! That's so unbelievable.

I actually just finished the entire header already, and I think it's looking good. I ended up fixing the issues with Firefox that I was having before even though I said I would just ignore it, but after I fixed them and added a new section to the header, new issues popped up. So this time I'm done trying to fix Firefox issues since frameworks will solve that problem later on anyway.

6:39 PM

I love time travel stories. I'm watching this anime called Occult Academy right now and it is about time travel. Apparently I also read online that Future Diary was about time travel, although I never got to that point yet. I might revisit Future Diary just to see that part happening though. But anyway, the reason I took a break in the first place was because my mom invited me to go out so we could buy a cake for my dad.

Well she said she would just get changed, so I took a 'break' which I thought was just going to be a couple of minutes. Then it turns out she started watching TV and now there's nothing happening. What the hell. I'm going to continue 'taking a break' anyway.

8:41 PM

Well my other computer that I watch anime on is behind by one hour. I thought the time right now was still 7:41 PM which is why I stayed there for so long. It turns out I'm behind. It's already well past 8 PM, it's almost 9 PM. I've been watching Occult Academy and I thought it was mainly about time travel, but it's really mainly about the occult, and the time travel bit is just a tiny part of it.

Anyway, this anime led me somehow to a top 10 list of the worst ways to die. Of course it's all based on opinion, but the article was pretty detailed describing each agonizing way to die, and they were all agonizing. This led me to the belief that there was no good way to die. I've thought about it, there's a bunch of different proposed supposedly 'painless' ways to die, but who can know for certain? The people that go through these procedures can't give any testimonials or reviews on any method of dying. Methods of death are something you can't really compare with one or another.

Can I name the top 10 worst ways to die according to the list I saw? I just want to try and recall it as a challenge. Here we go, in order from best to worst in this list of the worst: Starvation, Thirst, Lethal Injection, Electric Chair, Decapitation, Crucifixion, Burning, Decompression, Radiation, and finally Scaphism! Whew! I got it! Let me check if my answers are correct...

Well I got the items right but the order was wrong. This is the correct order: Starvation, Dehydration, Decapitation, Lethal Injection, Electric Chair, Crucifixion, Decompression, Burning, Radiation, Scaphism. So I got it close, but I had the order of some items wrong and therefore nearly the entire thing was wrong. I'm also surprised I was able to remember the word 'Scaphism'. English truly is the richest language with the most words, as there are even words for something as specific as 'death by being put into a boat and being eaten alive by insects'.

11:27 PM

Ah the day is gone again. I ended up watching this anime called Orange and I've seen roughly 7-8 episodes so far today already. I also saw 2-3 episodes of this other anime that I completely forgot the name of and the story by now, since I didn't care for it at all. Oh yeah, that Occult Academy show I mentioned before. Yeah I saw a few episodes of that, and then I stumbled across Orange.

I'm a little bit in tears right now from the show. It's a really good show I think. Pretty slow paced, but it feels realistic. The story is about how a 26 year old sends letters to her 16 year old self detailing regrets she's lived with up to that point, asking her 16 year old version to do things she didn't do and regretted not doing or to not do things that she regretted doing. The opening of the show starts with a line like "10 years is a long time", referring to the gap between 16 and 26, and I fully agree.

The changes between 10 through 18 were massive. From 18 to 26, even though it's the same amount of time, it feels like there's almost no difference between an 18 year old and a 26 year old. Most of the time the differences are indiscernible. It's mostly a difference in skill and knowledge. As a 10 year old you don't know anything, barely know how to read, barely know any math, history, etc. As an 18 year old who went through schooling you basically know everything that the rest of the population knows.

Anyway, I wanted to get 5 hours in today. I am way too sleepy now to be doing anything else. I can barely stay awake right now. I'm going to go to sleep and we'll see how much better I can do tomorrow.

Today was not a bad day, but it could have been better. I think the earlier I wake up, the more work I can done before the afternoon, and then it'll feel like I have a lot of time available throughout the rest of the day. I'm going to try it out. I'll sleep "early" tonight, by that I mean sleep soon, and I'll do work as soon as I wake up. We'll see if I'm more productive by waking up earlier.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Wasting Time – 3:30 AM

3:30 AM – Sleep – 8:30 AM

8:30 AM – Bathroom – 8:36 AM

8:36 AM – Reviewing Yesterday – 8:40 AM

8:40 AM – Planning Today – 8:41 AM

8:41 AM – Reading Productivity Guides – 8:47 AM

8:47 AM – Planning Today – 9:03 AM

9:03 AM – Writing Pomodoro Program – 9:25 AM

9:25 AM – Web Developer Course – 9:55 AM

9:55 AM – Break – 10:00 AM

10:00 AM – Web Developer Course – 10:31 AM

10:31 AM – Break – 10:37 AM

10:37 AM – Web Developer Course – 11:09 AM

11:09 AM – Break – 11:17 AM

11:17 AM – Web Developer Course – 11:48 AM

11:48 AM – Break – 11:51 AM

11:51 AM – Preparing Food – 12:00 AM

12:00 PM – Eating Food – 12:12 PM

12:12 PM – Preparing Food – 12:15 PMs

12:15 PM – Eating Food – 12:27 PM

12:27 PM – Web Developer Course – 1:11 PM

1:11 PM – Break – 1:14 PM

1:14 PM – Writing Journal – 1:42 PM

1:42 PM – Preparing to Walk Outside – 1:52 PM

1:52 PM – Walking Outside – 3:14 PM

3:14 PM – Web Developer Course – 3:45 PM

3:45 PM – Break – 3:51 PM

3:51 PM – Web Developer Course – 4:55 PM

4:55 PM – Writing Journal – 5:00 PM

5:00 PM – Preparing Food – 5:12 PM

5:12 PM – Eating Food – 5:24 PM

5:24 PM – Break – 6:39 PM

6:39 PM – Writing Journal – 6:41 PM

6:41 PM – Break – 8:41 PM

8:41 PM – Writing Journal – 9:00 PM

9:00 PM – Celebrating Birthday with Dad – 9:15 PM

9:15 PM – Eating Food – 10:00 PM

10:00 PM – Wasting Time – 11:27 PM

11:27 PM – Writing Journal - 11:40 PM

11:40 PM – Washing Dishes – 11:59 PM

Productive Hours (6:45)
Reviewing Yesterday (0:04)
Planning Today (0:01)
Reading Productivity Guides (0:06)
Writing Pomodoro Program (0:22)
Web Developer Course (4:23)
Writing Journal (1:07)
Walking Outside (1:22)
Washing Dishes (0:19)

Neutral Hours (10:58)
Sleep (5:00)
Bathroom (0:06)
Break (3:40)
Preparing Food (0:24)
Eating Food (1:21)
Preparing to Walk Outside (0:10)
Celebrating Birthday with Dad (0:15)

Unproductive Hours (4:57)
Wasting Time (4:57)

Megg's Horses
Math: 0
Drawing: 0
Python: 3
Web Development: 16
Java: 0
Programming: 3
Exercise: 4

Tuesday, March 13th 2018

Tasks Today
Web Developer Course (5 Hours)
Walk / Run Outside
Homework (Write Linked List algorithm in Python then Java, Write Binary Search Tree algorithm in Python then Java)
Upload Previous Days' Photos
Upload Previous Days' Entries

Schedule Today
9:15 AM – Web Developer / Break Combo – 11:30 AM
11:30 AM – Prepare Food – 11:45 AM
11:45 AM – Web Developer / Break Combo – 12:30 PM
12:30 PM – Eat Food – 1:00 PM
1:00 PM – Web Developer / Break Combo – 4:00 PM
4:00 PM – Walk / Run Outside – 5:30 PM
5:30 PM – Prepare / Eat Food / Break – 6:30 PM
6:30 PM – Homework / Break Combo – 9:00 PM
9:00 PM – Prepare Food / Eat / Break – 10:00 PM
10:00 PM – Homework / Break Combo – 11:00 PM
11:00 PM – Take Today's Photos / Upload Previous Days' Entries and Photos / Break – 11:59 PM

7:40 PM

The way I have my schedule set up, I leave no time to write in this journal.

Anyway, I was able to get five hours of web development time in today. Why is it so hard to do? I woke up at around 8:30 AM this morning, and roughly 11 hours has passed by since then, yet despite planning ahead of time to take full advantage of those 11 hours, I was only able to get in 5 hours of web page development time? Just 5 hours out of 11 hours. That's insane.

I put in so much effort and diligence into this and only managed to get in 5 hours. H-h-how is that even possible? Am I just not trying or planning well enough? Like right now I feel way too tired and exhausted to even be able to walk outside tonight, but I'll do it anyway.

After that, I'll feel too overwhelmed to be able to study... But I'll try to study anyway. Man. I'm not even doing anything hard or complicated, yet I'm having such a hard time.

Also, apparently I have passed both the HTML and CSS portions of the course, so now I'm able to make any website I want. However, it also helps to have learned the correct material, and I know that I basically learned the 'CSS1' or even 'CSS2.1' methods of making websites, and that's by using floats and divs. I know for a fact that this method is outdated. Especially with all the different screen sizes nowadays with mobile phones, tablets, large TV screens, etc, this 'float box' method is way too old.

With CSS3 there came out this new property called, I think, 'display' that allows you to choose and specify from a few different display layouts. There's no need to 'float' anything anymore with these new display layouts, because float was intended for text in the first place when it was first implemented. Float was just used for aligning text either left or right, and having other content go passed it, sort of like a newspaper or magazine. That's what it was created for.

But my course didn't even teach me that. It just said, this is how you make sites, by floating things, and it's so wrong and incorrect in this day and age. It was two years since ago since I first bought the course though, and apparently the course has been around since 2014, so maybe this incorrect way of thinking was still popular back then. But, I'm still glad to have learned this way of making sites, because it's the foundation for how the new layouts were built.

I'm going to have to study and research how to use 'Display' properly if I want to be able to make a really nice CSS3 compatible website, but for now I can at least make any website layout by using the old method. I mean the old method of creating a website can still be used, although it's outdated now. I can try to either redesign my site, maybe make someone a website, maybe try to freelnace, or maybe I can just straight into bootstrap? I kinda don't just want to jump straight into bootstrap though without first relearning the different 'display' property values.

Oh yeah and that's the thing, I learned about 'display' before which is how I come to know about Flexbox, Grid, and uhh whatever the other ones were, but now I don't remember them anymore. Get it? Anyway. I'm going to prepare food, eat some food, and then take a break, and then walk outside.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Washing Dishes – 12:07 AM

12:07 AM – Watching Anime – 1:00 AM

1:00 AM – Sleep – 8:30 AM

8:30 AM – Bathroom 8:35 AM

8:35 AM – Wasting Time – 8:53 AM

8:53 AM – Reviewing Yesterday – 9:00 AM

9:00 AM – Planning Today – 9:15 AM

9:15 AM – Web Developer Course – 9:52 AM

9:52 AM – Break – 9:59 AM

9:59 AM – Web Developer Course – 10:35 AM

10:35 AM – Break – 10:40 AM

10:40 AM – Web Developer Course – 11:36 AM

11:36 AM – Preparing Food – 11:48 AM

11:48 AM – Web Developer Course – 12:30 PM

12:30 PM – Wasting Time – 12:35 PM

12:35 PM – Preparing Food – 12:38 PM

12:38 PM – Eating Food – 12:50 PM

12:50 PM – Preparing Food – 12:54 PM

12:54 PM – Eating Food – 1:25 PM

1:25 PM – Watching Anime – 2:55 PM

2:55 PM – Web Developer Course – 3:43 PM

3:43 PM – Break – 5:12 PM

5:12 PM – Bathroom – 5:30 PM

5:30 PM – Web Developer Course – 6:23 PM

6:23 PM – Break – 7:05 PM

7:05 PM – Web Developer Course – 7:33 PM

7:33 PM – Break – 7:40 PM

7:40 PM – Writing Journal – 7:52 PM

7:52 PM – Preparing Food – 7:57 PM

7:57 PM – Eating Food – 8:22 PM

8:22 PM – Watching Anime – 11:59 PM

Productive Hours (5:41)
Washing Dishes (0:07)
Reviewing Yesterday (0:07)
Planning Today (0:15)
Web Developer Course (5:00)
Writing Journal (0:12)

Neutral Hours (10:56)
Sleep (7:30)
Bathroom (0:23)
Break (0:52)
Preparing Food (0:24)
Eating Food (1:08)
Nap (1:29)

Non-Productive Hours (6:23)
Watching Anime (6:00)
Wasting Time (0:23)

Megg's Horses
Math: 0
Drawing: 0
Python: 3
Web Development: 21
Java: 0
Programming: 3
Exercise: 4

Wednesday, March 14th 2018

Tasks Today
Web Developer Course (1 Hour)
Web Page Development (1 Hour)
Homework – Reading assignments
Walk outside
Homework – Forum Discussion
Homework – Programming Assignment
Upload previous days' photos to IG
Upload previous days' entries

8:12 AM

I need to find a way to stop watching anime. Yesterday I wasted so much time being brainwashed and not even thinking about anything while watching anime. It's such a mindless activity, I'd rather be playing video games than wasting my brain cells watching a show.

Yesterday I ended up finishing the entire Orange anime. I was in tears throughout a lot of it, it's a really good anime. I also ended up watching the entire Obunaga Concerto anime, another very good anime I really enjoyed. Then there were like 3-4 different animes I watched 3-4 different episodes of each.... I don't even remember their names.

One was this really long name, I just looked it up, it's called Abenoshi Maho Shotengai, and it looked and felt so much like Gurren Lagann, I found out it was animated by the same studio, I watched 3-4 episodes of it. I also watched 2 episodes of Puella Magi Madoka Magica, and 3 episodes of Oda Nobuna No Yabou, and maybe some other series' I can't remember.

I'm super impressed by anime and their animation and art. It takes a lot of work to make each one of these frames, and these anime look so great. Regarding some anime without subtitles, the animation looks pretty limited if you're just looking at the screen the animation footage the entire time, but that doesn't mean they're bad, the anime artwork is still beautiful. W-wh-why are the Japanese so good at art? At this point it's part of their culture, and I think it's because they have to practice their Japanese characters, and this teaches them a subtle way of understanding lines and how to draw, much better than English characters.

I can barely draw. I can draw things if I'm just looking at it directly and I can put it on paper nearly exactly, but I can barely draw anything by just thinking about it. I don't know the techniques and never learned them, but the Japanese, wow. I think they're taught the techniques in school, maybe it's handed over from classmate to classmate, or who knows. I just know there's so many beautiful anime out there, there's probably more anime than there are video games being made in the west. There's also a ton of games on Steam.

All I know is I barely know anything. I'm so stupid in the amount of knowledge and skill I have. I've made my own games and engines before and I barely remember how to do that today, I remember it being a very involved and creative process though. Man. I'm so unskilled.

I have a good amount of homework due tonight, I'm pondering whether I should spend 5 hours doing web development again and the rest of it for homework again like yesterday, except it didn't work out, or if I should cut down my web development hours in order to do more homework. I'll do the latter, I'm going to dedicate less hours to web page development today. Yeah.

Hmm. I'm also planning on updating the website a little, since I should know how to make any web page layout today already, I can just sketch out a design I want, and make it. Of course the only method I know how to use is the CSS1 method of creating layouts, which is creating divs and floating them, I know this isn't the right method, especially in this day and age, but I plan on updating the site later as well anyway, so this will just be temporary.

Or I dunno, I could also learn how to use the new CSS3 methods on making websites, and then redesign the site afterwards. I'm considering both options, though I think the latter is going to be more productive so I'm leaning towards that.

Uhh what else? I think that's it for now. I'm now going to create a plan for the day. I haven't uploaded any previous days' photos or entries lately because I haven't been going through my tasks today properly. I'm hungry and probably going to eat first after planning out the day.

11:01 AM

10 minutes already? My break was 10 minutes long? All I did was lie down for what I thought was a few seconds, and then boom, instantly 10 minutes had passed by. Wow.

Anyway, I've thought about it, and I can pretty much make whatever website I want to now using the CSS1 method of making websites since I now know the technique, but this is outdated. I'm thinking of just jumping straight into Bootstrap so I can remake the website into something better, add a portfolio, and so on.

I'm on the Javascript part of the course now, and I basically learned just how to change html elements on the page using Javascript. This is something I've already known for a while, just something I haven't gone too in depth in. For example I learned about the 'onclick' attribute that allows you to run javascript commands if that element is clicked, I didn't know about that before.

So with this kind of understanding, I think I can actually make a short RPG game using Javascript. Of course the game will suck a lot, and I will probably use "Alerts" or something... I don't know yet... Heh. Anyway, this is so much fun. I think it's completely possible for me to make an RPG game right now without Bootstrap, but I also want to remake the website so I can add this quick RPG game and other quick scripts I've written into my portfolio.

What should I do first? Attempt to make an RPG without bootstrap from scratch, or learn bootstrap and redesign the entire site...? Hmm... I think I'm honestly going to go with the RPG just because it's been a while since I've done anything creative like this, and I think it will be fun. This sounds like so much fun. It'll just be a quick simple game, like a Pokemon battle basically, just one battle... Maybe I should even make a game menu and everything? Heh. Man. I don't know.

Yeah. I'll just start working on it now. I'll sketch out what I want on it, I'll even make a game menu. Yeah. This'll be good. It'll just be like one battle or something. It'll be some short simple thing. It shouldn't be that hard. This will be fun. I'm going to be spending a lot of time 'planning' first, so I won't even get into actual code until a little bit later on, even though I'm going to write my hours as if I were just programming the entire time straight, I'm not.

12:13 PM

Oh gosh this is so not easy. Being creative and coming up with something from scratch is hard. I'm not following any tutorial or any existing builds, I'm making my design and game from scratch, all the code and algorithms used will me made from scratch from what I understand. It's really tough.

12:18 PM

Anyway my fingernails were getting long and it was getting annoying to type. But yeah, so far I've made the layout of the game. It has enemy and player HP on the top left, it has an image of a monster I was able to find online in the public domain, it has an area for story text below all this, and below the text there's a slot for three buttons which can change the other layouts on what you click.

This is so cool. Ultra cool! This is awesome. I like the layout of the game already, although it doesn't do anything. I'm going to go back and see if I can make a button reduce the enemy's HP by clicking on it.

12:40 PM

Whew it's just a little bit past noon and I am already really tired. I don't know why, I just barely did anything the entire day and I'm already tired. I'm going to take a walk outside soon after I eat so I can boost my energy up.

I still have homework due tonight that I did not forget doing, but I'm thinking of other things right now. There's so many things I'm doing at once, and I can barely find the time of the day to do them. Wow. Anyway, I'm going to prepare some food, eat, and then walk.

4:45 PM

I'm back and full of energy now. Time to start on my homework and try to get as much of it done. There's some things that I feel behind on, like I didn't write a class for a Linked List properly in Java, mainly because I didn't know how, and also my Binary Search Tree class was pretty badly written as well, and I barely learned anything from it since I worked on it last second.

I feel like I'm missing a lot of education in my education. Despite having all this free time to study, and I do study, I feel like I still haven't learned a thing. I just barely scratched the surface of what I'm supposed to know and what I'm supposed to learn.

I'm supposed to learn 9 different sorting algorithms this week, I haven't even learned one yet. These are the ones I'm supposed to learn: Insertion, Bubble, Selection, Shell, Merge, Quick, Heap, Bin, and Radix sort. 9 different sorts. I think I knew and wrote algorithms for both the Insertion and Selection sorts but I don't remember them now. I wrote them in Java too, last year.

As I was walking a friend I hadn't talked to in forever and someone who I hadn't seen in probably 1-2 years, well I did text him about his birthday early this January, but anyway, he just texted me and out of the blue said he was interested in building a mining rig. I actually stopped walking and froze in my foot steps. Memories of 2013 and having my own mining rig and being excited about Bitcoin and other crypto coins, back then there were just around 10 of them, flooded my mind.

Then the pain and anguish memories came when I told some friends about it as a group in early 2017, I had my coins from 2013 still and never bothered to buy anymore. A few months later one of my friends in this group came out and said he had made over $100k already from Bitcoin. I hadn't come close to making anywhere near that amount, so I was shocked. I looked at myself in the mirror with regret, like what have I done. I had several years advantage, I tell someone about it, a few months later they're wealthy from it, I'm not.

H-h-how could this happen to me? The memory still floods my mind when it was worth $1k at the beginning of 2017, and I was telling them about it, about how it worked, about how it was mined, etc, etc. I've been keeping it internally, but this memory of mine plays in my head every so often. I would ask myself questions like why didn't I buy any myself during that time, as I was telling them? Why didn't I buy any in 2016 or 2015? I knew about it. I mined in 2013. Why'd I stop?

Lots of memories flooded in, and I felt like there I was with this once in a lifetime opportunity getting in earlier than the vast majority of people, and I squandered it. I feel so much regret and pain from this. I don't like it when anyone talks to me about this subject, I have had one other friend who said he wanted to make a website just based off of cryptocurrency coins and wanted to track them. I have yet another friend who went crazy about them a few months ago, and then another friend who was getting back into it after selling all his coins in 2014. Basically all my friends, and I can't even name a single one who isn't into it now, is into it, and I started before all of them, but I might finish the last out of all of them.

The thing is, they all have jobs and they all have work and an income to be able to buy more coins. What about me? Where is my income? I-I-I don't have anything. I'm much more of an expert in this field than all of them, I've had mining experience in 2013, I created and managed a forum back in 2013 (and I had a really significant domain name that would have been worth so much money today had I kept it), I even made a YouTube channel that has a pretty awesome name that is dedicated to it, and I've dedicated hundreds of hours (thousands?) of reading on the topic since 2013. I know the ins and outs of it, I know trivia, I know the lore, whatever, but it's not knowledge that gets a person wealth in that field, it's basically whoever has more wealth, can get more wealth.

You know, I have pretty eternal regret about it. Why do people have to keep rubbing it in my face? I couldn't tell the future. Also, I feel like there's no one I can confide these regrets to. They're pretty strong regrets. For example, the price of Litecoin at the time I was mining them, and yeah I was able to mine just 4 of them in like a day, was like $1 a coin in 2013. I switched what I was mining though to some other coins, StableCoin which I spent the most time mining, ended up literally disappearing after I spent more than a month mining it.

I had my own stresses and problems at the time. Of course today if I were put back in time to my shoes back then, I would know exactly what to do, exactly when to do them, I would have future knowledge with me. At the time, my problems seemed insurmountable at the time with my resources. I also didn't have an income, well not that much income anyway, I was obese, and I had a car I really hated taking care of because it kept getting scratched and dinged almost every day and the marks would stay, and I didn't like taking care of it because I'd be obsessed about staring out the apartment window to see if people parking next to it would bang their door on it. My blood pressure was high, so was my pulse speed, and I didn't have any friends back then (sort of like right now) as they were all in college.

Also the mining rig was in my room, and I hated sleeping in my room because of the fan noise, and also it would smell weird, like burning metal. That's what I smelled from my room anyway since it was on 24/7, and my bed was right next to it. I felt like my lungs were getting congested from the micro pieces of metal burning up into the air, or I had a thought like that, which is why I turned it off and sold my graphics cards.

A-a-anyway, what's done is done. I really can't live in the past anymore. That regretful 2017 memory still comes up, memories of 2013 still come up, memories of 2015 and 2016 still come up. I can't do anything about those past years anymore. I need to build up a skill so I can find a web development job. Yeah I have a lot of regrets and I do have a lot of pain when I think about those past moments, but what can I do about that now? Nothing...

I can't do anything about that now other than to keep moving forward. I just have to struggle again. Things will get better if I struggle.

11:51 PM

Well tonight I have homework due where I have to write my own quicksort algorithm. It's not due in 4 minutes, but it's actually due in 1 hour and 4 minutes. For some reason the times got shifted back by one hour, so it's 10:51 PM in the school time right now. I don't know the reason of why it went one hour back, but that just gives me an extra hour to figure things out.

However, I don't think I can do this. I know Quicksort now and what's required, but implementing the algorithm for it is too difficult for me. I barely know Java right now (despite back then I knew how to make games with it, I don't even remember how to make classes or anything right now).

Anyway I'm really tired. I'm behind on the reading. I barely understand what's going on in this Data Structures course. I mean I understand the concepts behind these data structures and algorithms, I can describe them and their methods from the top of my head, but do I know how to implement them in actual code? No... I probably can't even do that in Python, the language I'm most familiar with, let alone Java a language I barely use.

Well the thing is, the source code for Quick Sort is already widely available online, and I just have to write my own implementation of it. I don't like copying and I don't want to copy or cheat, because I don't learn anything that way. I'm so frustrated with my life on a level that's indescribable, I can't keep failing like this. Well I'm not really failing, but I do consider myself a failure for my weaknesses and everything I've done wrong in my life so far. I'm so weak.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Watching Anime – 2:00 AM

2:00 AM – Sleep – 8:00 AM

8:00 AM – Bathroom – 8:08 AM

8:08 AM – Reviewing Yesterday – 8:12 AM

8:12 AM – Writing Journal – 8:44 AM

8:44 AM – Planning Today – 8:49 AM

8:49 AM – Wasting Time – 8:56 AM

8:56 AM – Preparing Food – 9:05 AM

9:05 AM – Eating Food – 9:14 AM

9:14 AM – Preparing Food – 9:16 AM

9:16 AM – Eating Food – 9:26 AM

9:26 AM – Brushing Teeth and Flossing – 9:31 AM

9:31 AM – Web Developer Course – 10:18 AM

10:18 AM – Break – 10:23 AM

10:23 AM – Web Developer Course – 10:51 AM

10:51 AM – Break – 11:01 AM

11:01 AM – Writing Journal – 11:08 AM

11:08 AM – Web Page Development – 12:13 PM

12:13 PM – Writing Journal – 12:15 PM

12:15 PM – Cutting Fingernails – 12:18 PM

12:18 PM – Writing Journal – 12:22 PM

12:22 PM – Web Page Development – 12:40 PM

12:40 PM – Writing Journal – 12:42 PM

12:42 PM – Preparing Food – 12:47 PM

12:47 PM – Eating Food – 12:55 PM

12:55 PM – Preparing Food – 12:57 PM

12:57 PM – Eating Food – 1:07 PM

1:07 PM – Watching Anime – 3:15 PM

3:15 PM – Preparing to walk outside – 3:23 PM

3:23 PM – Walking Outside – 4:45 PM

4:45 PM – Writing Journal – 5:30 PM

5:30 PM –Homework – 5:41 PM

5:41 PM – Watching Anime – 8:16 PM

8:16 PM – Wasting Time – 9:00 PM

9:00 PM – Preparing Food – 9:12 PM

9:12 PM – Homework – 11:51 PM

11:51 PM – Writing Journal – 11:59 PM

Productive Hours (9:34)
Reviewing Yesterday (0:04)
Writing Journal (1:40)
Planning Today (0:05)
Web Developer Course (1:15)
Web Page Development (1:23)
Walking Outside (1:22)
Homework (3:50)

Neutral Hours (7:33)
Sleep (6:00)
Bathroom (0:08)
Preparing Food (0:17)
Eating Food (0:34)
Brushing and Flossing Teeth (0:05)
Break (0:15)
Cutting Fingernails (0:05)
Preparing to walk outside

Unproductive Hours (7:34)
Watching Anime (6:43)
Wasting Time (0:54)

Megg's Horses
Math: 0
Drawing: 0
Python: 3
Web Development: 23
Java: 0
Programming: 4
Exercise: 5

Thursday, March 15th 2018

Tasks Today
Web Developer Course (4 Hours)
Web Page Development (1 Hour)
Walk / Run Outside
Homework (Linked List in Python and Java, Learning Journal)
Upload Photos from previous days
Upload Journal Entries from previous days

12:05 AM

Yeah so should I do my homework assignment, just a little bit of it anyway? Agh. I'll try. I'll at least submit some half-written code that barely works.

7:58 AM

I fell asleep last night while working on the homework assignment. I ended up not even writing a single line of code, but I was dreaming that I was typing things in as I drifted to sleep. That happens sometimes, like when I just wake up, I tend to imagine myself doing things, while in reality I'm still lying down in bed.

So in the end I would get a 0 on the assignment, but I don't think I would have finished anyway. Like I wrote in my first journal, it would have been much better if I had submitted something because I most likely would have still gotten a small grade because of it instead of a zero, but I fell asleep before I had the chance.

What next? Oh yeah time to go back and do some more of the course. I put in 4 hours for the course today and 1 hour for my own free time on doing whatever with web page development. I've gotten more used to this schedule now so five hours is starting to feel like it's not that much. It isn't that much. Anyway, time to get started.

7:12 PM

If I'm being honest, I never wanted to stop the web developer course today. I wanted to keep on going since I was in the middle of making a game, and it was getting fun. The game was supposed to be a reaction based game where a box appears and you click on the box to make it disappear, and the game times your reaction. I made it a little more creative and made this multi-bordered gray box with a spider that appears in the middle, a graphic I downloaded online, and if you click on the box, the spider disappears.

I think it's a bit cooler than the actual project we were supposed to do, I mean it's a much improved version of it. Also, the code is written in such a neat and clean way, very much unlike the tutor's actual code. He's not even using any functions and just places everything out in the open despite teaching in his class about functions the previous lesson before. Anyway, I'm still learning a lot, and I could have definitely gone on for several more hours.

However, I took an unnecessary break, unnecessary because I wanted to keep on going and I could have kept on going, and that one tiny mistake ended up costing me several hours of time. I'm going out for a walk because it's getting dark outside. I started off walking at night in the dark, but I've come to just walk whenever I feel like, and it actually does feel a little bit better when there's a small amount of sun out.

10:11 PM

I am seriously lost. I haven't uploaded any journal entries or any photos in a while, in like a week. Maybe the way I have my schedule set up is entirely wrong? Am I just procrastinating on it? I don't like to think that I am, I tried to make my list a 'hierarchy' list where I work on the hardest task first, and then continue down the list of importance, but I tend to never reach the end, and I also tend to skip over some items and jump to another one like walking outside for example.

I'm going to upload my entries and photos tonight, just so I can stop procrastinating and get everything caught up again. The longer I don't do that for, the harder it is to get back to it, so I will get back to it now. I'm going to have to think up of a plan to make my days more productive because right now I don't think I'm as productive as I can be. I feel like I'm lazy and not taking full advantage of the day. I mean basically in the morning I'm productive, then the afternoon strikes, and then I'm not anymore.

Again I'm going to have to come up with a better way. But first, time to upload the past few entries. Oh boy this is going to be a lot to catch up on.

10:42 PM

I just finished uploading all of the past few days' entries online. Of course that wasn't the hard one to do out of the two 'uploading' portions. Uploading my photos to IG is going to take a lot longer.

11:22 PM

Wow uploading the photos didn't take that long at all. I thought it was going to take around an hour to upload all those.

I want to go to sleep early tonight and wake up early tomorrow. I've never done that before, but I think the day will be more productive if I do so. There's also another thing I haven't done before, and that's planning tomorrow ahead of time. I'm going to try that now, I'm going to plan tomorrow, right now.

11:52 PM

Well that's it for my day today. I don't have much else to do. Tomorrow I have my day planned out pretty well. I'll do a minimum of 3 hours of the web developer course, and then I can do anything else web development related for 2 hours, which may also include continuing with the course. What a good plan. I think tomorrow will be another day where I complete everything. I can sense it.

Time Log

12:00 AM – Wasting Time – 12:05 AM

12:05 AM – Writing Journal – 12:06 AM

12:06 AM – Homework – 12:30 AM

12:30 AM – Sleep – 7:30 AM

7:30 AM – Wasting Time – 7:49 PM

7:49 PM – Planning Today – 7:56 AM

7:56 AM – Reviewing Yesterday – 7:58 AM

7:58 AM – Writing Journal – 8:02 AM

8:02 AM – Web Developer Course – 8:33 AM

8:33 AM – Break – 8:38 AM

8:38 AM – Web Developer Course – 9:09 AM

9:09 AM – Break – 9:14 AM

9:14 AM – Preparing Food – 9:24 AM

9:24 AM – Web Developer Course – 10:00 AM

10:00 AM – Bathroom – 10:04 AM

10:04 AM – Break – 10:12 AM

10:12 AM – Web Developer Course – 10:46 AM

10:46 AM – Break – 10:52 AM

10:52 AM – Web Developer Course – 11:25 AM

11:25 AM – Break – 11:54 AM

11:54 AM – Web Developer Course – 12:26 PM

12:26 PM – Preparing Food – 12:41 PM

12:41 PM – Eating Food – 12:51 PM

12:51 PM – Preparing Food – 12:55 PM

12:55 PM – Eating Food – 1:10 PM

1:10 PM – Watching Anime – 1:37 PM

1:37 PM – Planning Today – 1:40 PM

1:40 PM – Web Developer Course – 2:57 PM

2:57 PM – Break – 3:27 PM

3:27 PM – Watching Anime – 4:27 PM

4:27 PM – Preparing Food – 4:35 PM

4:35 PM – Eating Food – 4:45 PM

4:45 PM – Watching Anime – 7:12 PM

7:12 PM – Writing Journal – 7:23 PM

7:23 PM – Preparing to Walk Outside – 7:30 PM

7:30 PM – Walking Outside – 8:38 PM

8:38 PM – Preparing Food – 8:48 PM

8:48 PM – Eating Food – 9:00 PM

9:00 PM – Preparing Food – 9:08 PM

9:08 PM – Eating Food - 9:18 PM

9:18 PM – Watching Anime – 9:30 PM

9:30 PM – Planning Today – 9:41 PM

9:41 PM – Homework – 10:11 PM

10:11 PM – Writing Journal – 10:15 PM

10:15 – Wasting Time – 10:25 PM

10:25 PM – Uploading Past Days' Entries – 10:42 PM

10:42 PM – Writing Journal – 10:44 PM

10:44 PM – Uploading Photos to IG – 11:13 PM

11:13 PM – Taking Today's Photos – 11:22 PM

11:22 PM – Writing Journal – 11:24 PM

11:24 PM – Planning Tomorrow – 11:27 PM

11:27 PM – Wasting Time – 11:47 PM

11:47 PM – Planning Tomorrow – 11:52 PM

11:52 PM – Writing Journal – 11:53 PM

11:53 PM – Brushing Teeth and Flossing – 11:59 PM

Productive Hours (8:23)
Writing Journal (0:22)
Homework (0:54)
Planning Today (0:22)
Reviewing Yesterday (0:02)
Web Developer Course (4:34)
Walking Outside (1:08)
Uploading Past Days' Entries (0:17)
Uploading Photos to IG (0:29)
Taking Today's Photos (0:09)
Planning Tomorrow (0:08)

Neutral Hours (10:14)
Sleep (7:00)
Break (1:23)
Preparing Food (0:55)
Bathroom (0:04)
Eating Food (0:47)
Preparing to Walk Outside (0:07)
Brushing and Flossing (0:06)

Unproductive Hours (5:00)
Wasting Time (0:54)
Watching Anime (3:06)

Megg's Horses
Math: 0
Drawing: 0
Python: 3
Web Development: 27
Java: 0
Programming: 4
Exercise: 6