Wednesday, May 30th 2018

9:34 PM

So before I went to sleep last night, I ate a carrot, and I ate I think it was 4 blackberries. My vision healed dramatically around 10 to 20 minutes later. I could see so much more sharply and so much more clearly. This one digital clock I had that I always stared at from my room, would sometimes look blurry to me with my glasses on, and after I ate the carrots, I was able to see the time so much more sharply. Although now I'm not seeing it as well as last night, just because of my workday so far, and I didn't take as many breaks as I did yesterday, nor did I even take a break to get out of work either.

So yeah, I freaking loved what I was able to see just after eating carrots and blackberries, this was awesome, I thought. I was also restless last night, I could not prevent myself from exercising even further, for some reason. I just felt like I had this drive to go outside and just walk and walk for hours. I could have walked for hours, but the time made me want to go back at a certain point, and I went back home, although still feeling so restless and energetic, I lied down and proceeded to go to sleep, I don't even think I brushed my teeth.

Then I was woken up early this morning, well not so early, around 7:14 AM, I still remember looking at the time, man that time went by so freaking fast. I can't believe it's already night time as I type this, it's been more than 12 hours since then, holy moly. Time just goes by so fast right now, and I guess it goes even faster when you're older. I can't even imagine that, oh my gosh, how much is time going to accelerate as I age? As I get old? Ahhh.

So I was woken up around 7:14 AM and was told that I had to drop off my mom at work today, because my dad was suffering from his gout and he didn't have to go to work until like 9 AM so that meant I should just go on ahead. Okay, so then I went out and I dropped off my mom. This is a pretty normal procedure, and I already wrote about it yesterday. I literally just drove on this road that I have already been on thousands of times, and then I dropped off my mom at her workplace, although this new workplace for her she's only been working at for just about a year, I've been down this road so many freaking times it's not even funny now.

Afterwards I drove to my own workplace. Oh yeah. Woohoo. What a drive right? Well I found out that Malcolm Gladwell had a podcast, and I listened to one of his episodes about out of control cars, and just listened to that as I drove. It was so interesting, this was definitely a Malcolm Gladwell piece, it sounded so much like him, and so did the flow and direction of the talk. This was a podcast done right, he had done it again, freaking Malcolm Gladwell hitting so many marks, I enjoyed his story so much although I don't think he made that many episodes for the podcast.

Afterwards I got into work, I got in a little bit later than normal, around 8:13 AM, which was a little bit later compared to the 7:30 AM I got in at yesterday. I mean I was super early yesterday, not so early today. I pretty much just proceeded to work as normal. It turns out the 'server crashing' from yesterday that I experienced, was trying to test the server with two different browsers on the same computer, and that's what caused it to slow down so much, because I had to test it in two different browsers. So what I did instead was just test one browser at a time, and that worked out well.

I was able to get a lot of work done today, I got at least 4-7 pieces done, and wow. There were three new assignments given to me today, and I finished 2 of them just like that, in around an hour or so. I think they would have expected me to take more time doing them, but the thing is, I have nothing else to do, except just these assignments, so I just worked on these assignments as hard as I could. Man it is a lot of fun figuring things out, although I'm not sure how much better I am becoming as a developer, I don't think I'm really learning all that much, I'm just learning how to put these pieces together to make them work the way I want them to work.

Tens of thousands of lines and the hundreds of files I have to sift through, they no longer intimidate me. I remember the first time I looked at this project, it was all so intimidating and I had no idea what I was even staring at. The more I worked on this project though, the more familiar I became with it. Sure I have just barely touched the surface of what the entire project encompasses in total, but I have been able to understand more and more of it and it's just gotten easier and easier the more that I worked on it.

Oh wait, oh wait. Yeah. I had three dreams last night. I had so many freaking dreams, it was so marvelous. I loved it so much. I lived these dreams much better than I lived my real life. In one of the dreams I actually died, I have no idea nor do I remember what, but if I had written down exactly what I did then I would have fully remembered everything vividly. But the thing is I woke up pretty 'late' and my parents wanted me to get out right away, so I didn't have enough time to write down my dreams, which I remembered soooo freaking vividly this morning. It was like a movie I had just seen, I remember it very vividly for a day or two, and then poof, I don't remember anything about it or barely anything about it anymore.

So what I do remember is that for some reason I was holding a bunch of coupons in my arms. Like, I had withdrawn all of my coupons, for something. I think it was either money or coupons, but it was rare, and it was valuable, and people wanted it. I was walking down this street with someone, a friend, and we were going to go somewhere, I was going to possibly deposit these coupons, these brown paper looking coupons, into the bank or something, but I got shot as I was walking across this path, and uhh yeah I just fell to the ground, and I died. That was that.

Then I had another dream where there were girls, and I was with some friends and we were on a mission or something, I think to get out of the school. The school was some elite looking school with intelligent people, and it reminded me of Hogwarts, like just a giant looking gothic building that was red or brown, and it was the school I went to I guess. It felt super elite. Anyway, I was on a mission with some friends to 'escape' and we were just escaping and trying to get out, using cars, but the thing is we didn't want to be caught out in the streets, so some of us got off at the city and we had to sneak our way around, it didn't make any sense.

The one critical point I still remember in the dream is that there was this figure, he reminded of me Dumbledore, and this figure was the headmaster or principal of this school that I guess had a long white beard just like Dumbledore did. And he was this very wealthy guy I guess, and one of the 'myths' or 'rumors' I heard about him was that he had kept a secret garden with very exotic plants, and it was somewhere you didn't expect. Well in the school, there's this roundabout with this giant fountain in the middle, and it has snakes and crocodiles and such in the fountain, and there's a small island in the middle of the fountain where there's plants and bushes and so on, and probably where the snakes and crocodiles like to hang out (or is it alligators?).

So I was just randomly tossed into the middle of the fountain into that island, I don't remember how that freaking happened, but I was just flung across from somewhere and I ended up in the middle of the island. I hid behind some bushes because I was so terrified of getting bitten and killed there, and then I was pushed down into this stream, and this part didn't make any sense because it completely goes through the 'roundabout' road, this stream was connected to the fountain and lead down this watery path cutting through the roundabout, so I could still see the sky, it wasn't underground or anything (but that's where dreams adjust themselves to look like whatever), and I was brought into that secret garden.

The first sight that I saw was this Socotra Island-looking tree, it had huge thick trunks and small short branches with pink leaves or flowers, and I was just so awed looking up at it from the waters below. Holy crap, I found his secret garden, which was apparently on this cliff. Because I got up on the grass, climbed up this hill to where the tree was, and then on the other side was nothing, it was like a big downward plunge into a beach below, and there were people walking down there, and there were trees growing along the sides of the beach as well, so it was also part of the secret garden.

So I had this discovered this hugely amazing secret garden that I wanted to explore, I wanted to join the people down there and just have fun with them exploring this place, and then that's when I got woken up. The dream was so nice and vivid, you know we only have a limited amount of dreams. I still remember my high school dreams that I had written down in my dream log, and yeah it has been a while since I dreamed anything significant like today, I think I still have dreams daily, but I just don't write them down like this because I barely remember them.

This dream was so vivid. I really wish I could relive some dreams from the past, but they're never to repeat, ever again. I think your brain needs to be in a certain state, and to have certain memories, and the environment has to be exactly right, for exact dreams to form. For example, I had several dreams of girls I had a met in high school, and I didn't like them that much before the dream, but I liked them a lot after the dream, and then I found them very attractive in real life because in the dream, we did something memorable together, in real life though, we're basically strangers.

So I can still remember these dreams, because I wrote them down, and I can actually still name off the top of my head the girls I had dreams of. They did not have the same dream as me though, because I'd look at them in the morning like 'hey remember we did this together?' and they'd look at me as if they didn't know me as well. Yeah. I miss those days. Whew. I miss those days.

And so I kept on working, and I got a good amount of work done. I got a lot of work done actually, and yeah I guess it was good of me to get all that work done. I don't think I learned nor experienced much, but I got stuff done, that's what matters. Then afterwards work was over, I didn't even take any breaks or anything like that, and I barely stood up and did my 'looking at the Quench machine' thing, because of the seeing experience I had last night, I felt like I could just rejuvenate my vision at will, of course it takes wild effort to do that though.

And then afterwards I picked up my mom, nothing out of the ordinary there. She did go by some flowers today, I think they were called Rosemary flowers? I always saw them being handed out in front of churches in the Philippines, and people would make these necklaces from them, so I got to know them as Rosemary flowers? But I don't think that's what they're called. They're just these summer of spring flowers that bloom everywhere around this area, like I passed by so many of them today and every day that I've been walking so far, and they give off this very strong smell. It smells good, but it's very strong.

Hmm, no I'm not able to find it online. It's easily one of the strongest smelling flowers I've experienced though, just walking by them, you smell them immediately and the smell is strong. So my mom was so keen on finding out what was smelling so nice yesterday, because I dropped her off yesterday morning, and she was like "What's that smell? It smells good, I'll have to check it out later" but she never checked it out yesterday. Instead, today, she didn't get in the car right away, she walked passed the car, and went over to the plants on the right, and she grabbed a petal and brought it in the car for her to smell and she gave it to me so I could smell it. Yeah it did smell nice.

Other than that though, the drive home was very typical. Honestly it's weird, but I still remember today's drive home, and also yesterday's drive home. They're such plain memories, and I've heard from most people that they basically instantly forget driving moments like this. I mean back when I was going to school, I'd hear from people that they never even remembered driving to school. Why is it that I remember a lot of my driving trips then? Of course I can't just explain where I drove to or what the experience of driving was like on a certain random date, but I remember it from the same day and maybe a few days before.

I remember my days pretty vividly as long as I have a reference point of what happened that day. I really can't just name like 5 months ago and tell you exactly what I was doing and what I did at exact times, because first of all, I wasn't tracking my time back then, and second of all, I don't care to remember such vivid details about everything. I don't think my brain can store it all, or can it? Kim Peek's brain did, so maybe with certain training and condition I'd be able to do the same, but it would take me many many years to be able to do it, and I don't really want to be able to do it, so I'm not going to dedicate much of my time or life to doing that.

Then we got home, and I immediately started cooking up some beans. I ate two plates of kale with sweet potato chips on top while I waited, and I also ate a small plate of peanut butter. I think I ate way too much sodium, and also I ate way too much food at that time because I felt my heartbeat and blood pressure go up like crazy after eating that kind of meal. I measured my heart rate at work though, and I was below 60 beats per minute, I was around 56 or 57, which I was very very happy about. The day before I measured around 60 beats per minute which I thought was meh, but getting under 60 beats per minute, oh boy, that really cheered me on.

After eating the food, I went outside to go for a walk. I already left home very late, so I didn't even bother trying to actually go to the woods today. it was already dark, and it was raining. I brought an umbrella out with me, and to no one's surprise, no one else was outside. No one is ever outside when it's raining. It was already empty in the woods yesterday, it's even more empty today with no one even on the playground at the beginning, and no one else walking around the path that gets to the entrance of the forest.

So there I was, just alone, walking, with this pink umbrella. I think I looked weird, but whatever. I just wanted to walk, and no one was going to stop me from getting 10k steps today. man. It took so much freaking longer than expected without the woods. The woods, although it is scary as hell, it's quite a distance. I really cannot just stop in the middle of the woods and turn around without first reaching the bridge, it's so freaking hard to, because I want to reach that bridge. By the time I reached that bridge, I'd usually be at around 6000 steps, so it's really freaking far in. Remember, to get out, I have to run for a long freaking time, usually scared, usually nearly peeing my pants, usually panting desperately as if I were being chased by some monsters, and as if I were about to die.

Every time I ran out of the woods, I always felt like I was going to die. It's so freaking horrifying going in there. I don't think I'm going to go in there again actually, not by myself, well, maybe. It depends on the time I guess. If it's way too dark and raining like it was tonight, yeah, I wasn't going to go in there, although it's more likely that no one else was in there either, so that was actually the safest time for me to go there. Oh well.

So I took this alternative path instead, and I just went down the concrete path for as long as I could, until I reached the end, and I checked my steps, freaking 4000 steps!! What the hell. I reached the end of this path, and it's as if I had barely gotten started. So that really annoyed me. I kept on walking longer and longer and because it was dark, areas were starting to get closed off, so at the end, when I got to like 6000 steps, I freaking just walked these two blocks over and over and over again, blocks that were in a public location and didn't have any signs that said "Closed at Dark" which the woods had, and also the alternative path had. So yeah. I just went back and forth until I reached around 8.2k and then I started walking back home, and I got 10k eventually. I also had to do a bit of extra walking as well to reach it.

And man, writing freaking 5000 words takes a long freaking time. I mean, how is the quality of this? Is the quality of this high? I'm just describing my normal day to day experience in life, and I don't think this is the highest quality writing, but what else can I write about? I really don't even know what else I can freaking write about. I don't want to write too publicly about my work, so I just give vague nuances to what I do and things I'm assigned and stuff like that.

I'm not even sure how many people read my journal entries. I have not looked at the visitor counter in a long time, and I'm surprised people even have the time to do anything these days. I enjoy my current schedule of just waking up, going to work, coming back, eating food, exercising, writing journal, eating carrots, and then sleeping. That's basically my schedule for right now. it's a weird schedule I guess, but it works for me.

I think I would like to study as well at night, but do I have the time to do that? I signed up for 50 or more freaking courses this 3 day weekend alone, and I so far have not even started on a single one of them. I don't think I have even watched a single video on any of the courses I signed up for, and some of these courses I paid big money for (well not really), but I paid real money for them! And I'm not even doing them! Argh!

Also I don't like using my computer at night. I'm going to actually unplug my computer right now, and type elsewhere, and if the battery dies, then I'm done, and I'm just going to be eating carrots afterwards and going to sleep. So let me unplug now.

Okay I'm unplugged and I am just typing away, all on battery power. I haven't done "that" in quite a few days, and I'm really feeling like doing "that" again. Like, oh man, I should just turn on my computer, and do "that" before going to bed tonight, you know? It's the pull of addiction. Though logically speaking and logically thinking, I've already done "that" a thousand times, so I don't need to do "that" ever again. My experiences in the future aren't going to differ – at all – from all the times I have done it in the past. There's not going to be any difference, the first time is the same as the last time.

But yeah. I do enjoy dreams though, and dreams are so ephemeral just like a second of time. They're here for just a brief moment and then ----- gone. Just like that. What makes one second more valuable than another? Honestly, individually, I think very few of my seconds actually meant anything. If snapshots of my life can just be taken per second, I'd pretty much be frozen in time, just doing 'one thing'. I really think it's the individual seconds that add together, that make up a greater whole, and in no way is that an original idea.

I think every idea, or a lot of ideas, have already been thought of but not brought to reality. Really, all ideas are just part of the ether, I have had so many dreams and ideas and wishes, that never came true, and will never come true. It doesn't matter how much I really liked an idea or how much I really imagined something back in the day, some ideas are impossible simply due to physical limits, the most obvious limitation being time. If we could master time, which we will never, then our entire existence would change. We would no longer be humans, we'd have transcended humanity by far.

I have around 900 words left to go and I am already out of ideas on what to type about next. I mean seriously what the heck do I type about? Ahh. Life is just too short, we just die, instantly, without even realizing we died. When we're dead, we won't even know that we're dead. We're just gone, just not here. It's like going to sleep forever, and then dreaming one last dream, but never waking up from that dream, instead you just die, and to you it seems like the dream ends and nothing else happens, but to everyone else alive, you're just gone.

I drive by two graveyards on days where I don't drop off my mom in the morning, and I have to drive by to pick her up in the afternoon. I drive by one grave on my way from my home to my workplace, and then there's a second grave that I pass by from my workplace to my mom's workplace. Since I had to drop her off at her workplace today, I took a different route, a much faster route, and that route did not require me to pass by any graves. In fact I've already written about this before, but it takes 15 minutes for me to get from my home to my mom's workplace, it takes 15 minutes for me to get from my home to my own workplace, and it takes 15 minutes for me to get from my workplace to my mom's workplace, so all in all it's 15 minutes. If I wanted to, for no reason, go to my workplace first and then go to my mom's workplace, that would take me 30 minutes, but then I'd pass by two graves at that time, and I'd probably pass by the same grave three times if you count the way back to my workplace, and then in the afternoon to pick up my mom.

I have not yet entered the grave, the very large cemetery, that is in between my own workplace and my mom's workplace. I should definitely just visit there though, just one of these days, because I would like a chance to cherish life and experiences a bit more, and I think I can do that by visiting graves and trying to view life from their perspective which is no perspective, but they did have a past, and they were alive like me once.

So, I shrug. People don't really think about this that much, but there can only be one group of people per age group per year. Me and the age grew I grew up with, those born in around 1992-1994, we'll be the only group of 24 year olds in the year 2018, no one else can claim to have been 24 in the year 2018, just us. So for every year that passes by, we're the only unique ages of our age group. It doesn't matter how old you are, if you're 47 or what, you are the only 47 year olds in the year 2018, the 44 year olds from later will only be 47 in 2021 or so, so they can't claim to have been 47 in 2018.

It's nothing really, but just a weird, possibly weak, observation. And we're only here once. That we know. So I think it's just interesting, because you can group up these years into age groups, like 'young', 'teen', 'young adult', 'adult', 'middle age', 'elderly', and so on, and you have to realize that you're only in one of these age groups for a short period of time. If you live long enough, you'll eventually fit into all age groups.

It's vital that we don't rush wanting to grow older, because we'll be older for longer than we'll be younger. The younger ages are the most important, and right now is the youngest we'll ever be. So whatever age we are at right now, we have to make the most of it. We won't relive this age ever again, we won't have any second chances, we won't be able to repeat anything, and every situation and moment is unique. The combination of people, of things happening, of time, will always change. The girls I met in school can only be met that one time, I can't go back to the same location and meet the same women, because they'd be long gone out of there, and they'd be a lot older and doing other things with their lives now.

Not that I should really care, I really just need to focus on my career and professional life more. I am not in any rush to be in any relationship, although it would be nice, I can concede that I won't be in any relationship for a while, and that's alright. I'm not in any rush to getting older, I'm not in any rush for anything. I like time the way it is now, and it seems like time is going by at a very manageable pace, but it still goes by too quickly.

Anyway, I'm nearing my 5000 words, and I barely had anything to freaking write about. I'm going to be eating some carrots and some blackberries, and then I'm going to sleep. I'm possibly walking outside tonight, but most likely not. I woke up this morning really tired despite having more than 7 hours of sleep. It's so weird, but it might've also been because I worked out a lot more than normal yesterday.

The reason I may have had a slower heartbeat today as well, being under or around 60 heart beats per minute, which is amazing, is because I was super sleepy. I noticed that once I ate those sweet potato chips, my freaking blood pressure and my heart beat rose dramatically. I noticed my blood pressure going out because I could feel it. that's not good. I'm going to try and avoid sodium from now on, so no more salty foods for me, at least, until I get my blood pressure under control, which it already is, but it can definitely be improved.

So yeah. There we go. That's my journal entry for the day. I am so freaking tired and I am so freaking sleepy. Still, I got to eat some carrots.

Oh yeah, I'm so freaking shocked I only wrote for around an hour to get 5000 words, I took many breaks, and this hour felt like an eternity. I wonder how much more words I could really write if I just kept going through it all without taking any breaks whatsoever? I might do that tomorrow.

Tasks Today
Find out what happened to photos from May 9th through 11th
Upload 21 photos to Instagram
Work on Time Log app
List Courses To Take in Order
Sell Bike if Possible

Full list in the Extended Backlog page

Was today as productive as it could have been? No
Did I take over 10,000 steps today? Yes
Did I program a little today? Yes
Did I eat under 2000 calories today? Yes
Did I write at least 5000 words in my journal today? Yes
Did I take and upload my daily photos for today? No
Did I upload yesterday's journal entries today? No

Time Log

12:00 AM – Sleeping – 7:14 PM /

7:14 PM – Preparing for Work – 7:40 AM /

7:40 AM – Driving – 8:13 AM

8:13 AM – Working – 5:01 PM

5:01 PM – Driving – 5:40 PM

5:40 PM – Preparing Food – 5:50 PM

5:50 PM – Eating Food – 6:50 PM

6:50 PM – Watching Videos – 7:50 PM

7:50 PM – Exercising – 9:30 PM

9:30 PM – Changing Clothes – 9:34 PM

9:34 PM – Writing Journal – 10:43 PM

10:43 PM – Carrots – 10:53 PM

10:53 PM – Wasting Time – 11:59 PM

Productive Hours (11:37)
Working (8:48)
Exercising (1:40)
Writing Journal (1:09)

Neutral Hours (10:16)
Sleeping (7:14)
Preparing for Work (0:26)
Driving (1:12)
Preparing Food (0:10)
Eating Food (1:00)
Changing Clothes (0:04)
Carrots (0:10)

Unproductive Hours (2:06)
Watching Videos (1:00)
Wasting Time (1:06)

Megg's Horses
Math: 0
Art: 8
Python: 7
Web Development: 232
Java: 0
JavaScript: 2
PHP: 4
C#: 4
General Programming: 8
Exercise: 42
Game Development: 4