Thursday, May 24th 2018

12:20 AM

Well I found out that I'm really hard to understand when I speak out loud. I just freaking listened to myself talking a few times to a friend and I could barely understand myself. What the hell. This is a big problem because I'm supposed to be fluent in English but I can't even understand myself speaking! I don't think I have an accent, and people told me basically throughout my life that I didn't have an accent, but I listened to myself just now and freaking I think I have an accent, I can barely understand myself.

I need a lot more practice in English if I want people to understand me, because I can think and speak pretty well, at least to myself, when I'm talking to myself, but when my words actually come out of my mouth, instead of through the keyboard for example, then I have a hard time understanding myself. That's so weird. That's such a weird phenomenon. I guess I can practice talking out loud while I walk, and record myself into a device speaker or something like that.

Maybe I can then transcribe my words and see if I am understandable. I know there's a word for handwriting that can be read, and the word for that is legible. Is there an audio equivalent for that? Like somebody who can understood? Because I really have a hard freaking time understanding myself. If fucking the voice transcriber program can't even understand what I'm saying, then what hope do other people have? Sometimes when I say something other people think I say something else entirely, and I used to think that was a problem with their own interpretation, but actually the fault is with me because I can barely freaking understand what I'm saying!

I guess I need to start singing out loud again. I used to do this all the time back in 2015 when I had that private gym to myself at midnight. I used to bring a Bluetooth speaker with me that I got as a present back in Christmas of 2014 I think, and I used to play loudly on that device. I used to play really awesome songs that I just sang along to and it was super hard to understand myself because my voice was so crappy. I actually recorded myself a few times, singing, although you can't record your voice while playing songs at the same time, so I used to have these awkward times when I would just be singing and there would be no music playing.

The custodians that came by at night must've thought I was crazy to constantly be there almost every night just singing while working out. I think that's how I ended up losing so much weight to begin with, was that I was just always there almost every night, especially on weekends, on that elliptical, doing my thing, singing hard and singing loud. I had really fun times back then, looking back on it now, although back then I was probably depressed as shit going to the gym and trying to lose weight alone and sad. It was shit. I couldn't even understand myself while I sang.

I'd play the same song on repeat and sing along. This made me so tuned into those songs that sometimes when they're playing out loud, I instinctively just almost start to sing, I would almost start to sing, but not really, because I still have that control of myself. But in the gym by myself, I would always just randomly start singing along to these songs and it was the most awesome experience ever. Well, back then it sucked actually, I hated it. I did not like it at all.

Like I used to sing That's Life and some other songs like Over the Garden Walls, and then some rap songs like Remember the Name, and the cool thing is that I remember the lyrics to all these songs. I have memorized so many lyrics for so many freaking songs, I can just sing along pretty much at anytime.

Those songs I named were complex, and their lyrics were harder to memorize and sing out loud, I think. Maybe I just suck at singing in general, but yeah. I was never freaking good, and it seems like no matter how hard I try, I sound like shit. I don't believe in talent at all and that with the correct practice and hard work, anything can be done, but I just am terrible at singing despite having sung for so many hours already. Well, maybe I haven't sang for enough hours just yet. I probably just sang for a round 100 hours or so, maybe less than that. So it's not really that much if I was being honest. I was delusional earlier into thinking I had practiced for 'so many hours' even though I had really just barely scratched the surface, and it wasn't like I was taking lessons or anything, although I did a few times, so my improvement was minimum at best because I tried to learn it all by myself.

Anyways, the photos have pretty much been backed up at this point so now I can just upload yesterday's entry, right? Or maybe I should go to sleep? I think I'm just going to go to sleep instead, but first I'm going to brush my teeth and clean up a little.

12:34 AM

I wonder how many hours I have left to live? There's 168 hours in a week, roughly a third of that or 56 hours are for sleeping, so that leaves me with 112 hours remaining. Roughly 40 hours of that, is for web development. How many years do I need of that, to get 10,000 hours of web development under my belt? There's 40 hours of web development a week if I just show up every weekday, and 52 weeks in a year, giving me 2080 hours. So basically, I'll have to spend 5 years at web development before I become a world class expert at it. That's not that long. Five years is barely any time at all.

Basically, before I turn 30, I'll already have become a world class expert at something. That's amazing. That is, if I am able to do this work for that long. Of course life has twists and turns and who knows what may happen. But in just five years I'll be in a level that I can't even comprehend being at this moment.

Out of the 112 hours of non-sleep time, there's 40 hours of web development, meaning I have 72 hours of free time remaining per week that I can choose to do anything with. If I impossibly spend all that time doing web development, which is already impossible because of the amount of 'neutral hours' there would have to be, like driving, or brushing my teeth, or changing clothes, etc, I would have 112 hours of web development a week, and there's 52 weeks in a year, so in two years I'd be an expert. That's even cooler, but impossible.

I'm going through college at the same time, so I'm going to just focus on those two things. With the 72 hours I have left, 32 hours are for the weekend (16 hours on Saturday + 16 hours on Sunday), and with those hours I can pretty much do anything. But with the other 40 hours, I'm pretty limited I think.

Well it feels like there's so much time in the world. That's what it feels like as I plot out the time. But I know the time goes by more quickly than any of us can imagine. How many weeks do I have left to live? Let's say I live to be 75, which I don't want to just live to be 75, but let's say there's another 51 years for me to live, that's 52 weeks x 51 years, that's 2652 weeks remaining. That.... That sounds like a lot of weeks.

Well for half of those weeks I won't be anywhere near as capable as I am today. I'm very capable today, right now, much more so than compared to me 50 years from now, although I will still be active. Maybe I might actually be even more capable when I'm older, but that depends a lot on my actions today. By capable, I mean, I'm able to do a lot more things, like I have more energetic freedom to do what I want to do today, rather than in 50 years.

Although I might want to, in 50 years, doing some 'young person' activities would possibly be unavailable to me at that age. You don't see that many 75 year olds making YouTube videos or making games or going out to bars and clubs, the 'young people' activities. In 50 years, what kind of technology will I be not using despite having access to?

I don't want to be generationally old when I'm older, meaning that I don't want to be stuck in the past and not have adapted to the newest and latest trends at the time. I really can't imagine what's ahead of me in the future, I mean the adults today who are over 70, most of them grew up to their 40s or so without ever touching a single computer or even cell phone. Those didn't even become popular or so until just around 20 years ago.

I have lots of memories of how 'primitive' life was back then. There was Earthlink, and Internet Explorer, and AOL, and NetScape. Those were the famous browsers of the time, although I didn't grow up using Mosaic, I've heard of it. I remember using Netscape as an alternative to Internet Explorer back in the day, and then there was also the AOL alternative which was Earthlink, which I used a few times. I loved those days being a kid man, oh my gosh.

There was this computer cafe I went to, it was in my friend's apartment place, and I was in 4th grade or something at the time. There was a poster on the wall for 'kid friendly websites' and I asked the lady at the counter if I could add my own website to there, which was and she wrote it down on the list for me and that really cheered me up, as I ran outside again with my friends. Just little random memories like that, and I remember my friend lending me his 'new' DVDs at the time, back when Blockbuster and Hollywood video were a thing and you couldn't really stream movies that well online, so it was awesome that my friend let me watch the latest cool movies, and I scootered home on my scooter bringing this huge bag of movies with me.

I watched The Hulk (2003) and it was a terrible freaking movie. I thought at the time that the movie was just 'too complex' for my fourth grade head to wrap around, and that it was an 'adult' themed movie, but man, it was so freaking boring. It was so boring. I was so disappointed because I'd been hyped up for that movie for a while, and watching it really made me just dislike the Hulk in general after that, and I don't think I watched his other movies, I probably did, but I don't remember any of them, all I know is that I had this big plastic bag filled with DVD cases and my I told my friend I'd make him a website (I made him a website page really), and he had no say in what would be on it...

I remember trading movies and videos around, and we kids used to think it was so cool passing around games and trading cards and movies and such, and each one we got and traded we thought were 'so rare' and so cool. there used to be fights for Yu-Gi-Oh cards, and I loved that neighborhood that I grew up in. There was this one memory I had where some kid on the third floor of an apartment building in the complex, was giving away his Yu-Gi-Oh cards, and there were a bunch of kids gathered below catching the cards as he threw them out.

I also remember having many snowball fights in that neighborhood. One of the snowball fights left me basically crippled, and I ended up with hypothermia in one my legs. I had to crawl back home, passing by adults who literally just looked at me with scorn for some reason, I wanted them to help me get back home, and I think I cried for help a few times, but they all just walked by around me. But yeah, I remember crawling all the way back home, probably crawled three or more blocks, under the heavy snow. I don't know what happened to the guys I was playing with, that part of my memory is gone.

I just remember I think I was playing WoW at the time, and I was in this underground tomb in Duskwood, the underground tomb in Duskwood, there's basically only one, and I was playing a mage. Some friends knocked on the door, and I played with them outside. Was that when I got hypothermia? It might have been earlier and that was just another memory of playing outside in the snow.

But anyway, yeah. When I got back home my feet was black or very dark, or was it very red? Either way I could barely feel it, and my parents did what they could to take care of me. But I also remember crawling up those flights of stairs, oh man. I had to crawl up at least 10 stairs, in 3 sets, 2 of the sets had 2-3 stairs, and the last one had 5 or 6. So it wasn't that bad.

Another injury I got was getting stung by a wasp. My parents and I were playing Tennis, and a wasp got on top of one of the tennis balls as we were playing, but I never noticed, so as I picked up the tennis ball, I think I covered the wasp or something, and it got very defensive and stung me. I don't remember what happened to the wasp, but it was on the floor later afterwards, I think. It might have died that day. I remember my ring finger was swollen for a long time and I could barely move it and it hurt. I don't remember which hand it was, but yeah it was so painful, it lasted around a week or more, memories from the time felt like they last for such a long time.

I mean one day as a 10 year old, feels like 3 weeks as a 25 year old. I think that's the equivalent amount of time, even though it was the same time. Of course I don't remember my school days that well, I don't remember what I particularly did in school, but I did take away with me things that I somehow learned that I don't remember learning. Multiplication and long division? Yeah I know how to do those, but do I remember learning them? Nope, it felt like auto-pilot. I don't remember learning about the history of America or whatever other lessons they taught in elementary school at the time, but I did know those subjects somehow in the end.

I remember I 'trade borrowed' one of my classmate's gamecube games, I borrowed his Lord of the Rings The Two Towers game, in third grade, and I gave him my Spiderman game for it. I remember bringing it home (it was literally like the 3rd day of school or something) and walking home and it was in my backpack, I felt so happy having it. I still remember that walk, and going through the trees and up the hill to go to the apartment, and when I got home I played it for a few hours (those few hours felt like a lifetime), and it was so boring. It was such a lame game, I never admitted it at the time, I thought it would get better eventually, but it never did. That spiderman game was a blast, and I traded it for some terrible game.

There were also these little animal thingies that my teacher would give out in third grade for being good or doing well in class or something. I don't even remember how you got them, but I just remember really liking them and wanting to trade them and such. I still have them to this day! Of course as an adult, I just think of them as some random plastic toys for kids that I could literally go out to the store and buy thousands of, but as a kid, these little toy thingies were special! Other people in the class really wanted them, and we would play around with them and trade them and such. It has lost its appeal over the years though, again, they're just some plastic toy things today.

Oh yeah there would be random fights and adventures and things we would have. Like I remember walking around the neighborhood as a third grader and I would see these 4th graders playing 'Dynasty Warriors' outside, they would just have these mops or sticks or something like that and do these cool poses and say silly lines and phrases as they went around pretendedly attacking each other, and they were these older big kids at the time (like 1 grade difference was huge in terms of maturity back then), and I thought they were so smart and so experienced because they had a year ahead of me.

I remember one of my classmates was my upstairs neighbor, and I would sometimes go to their house and I would basically be the computer master knowing everything about them, and I'd come over and play around with their computer or something. I was some weird kid, I installed all these random programs (many of them actually viruses) and I'd completely customize the machine and desktop to its limitations at the time. Like I had a folder where I kept all my cool games, and I had customized the icon to be different, and people were like 'whoa that's so cool" and there were at least 30 kids' "houses" in the apartment complex neighborhood I could visit.

I had so many friends there. There was one above me, there was one to the building on my right, there were three to my build on my left, there was another more than 5 other kids that I remember I could just visit and paly with anytime. Holy crap that neighborhood was a blast. I exaggerated about the 30 kids, but there were at least 10 kids in that neighborhood who I was friends with. Sometimes we'd go to the playground and just play there, what was the appeal in all that by the way? What was the appeal in going to some park and running around playing tag or swinging on the swings or going on the merry go around? Those were so fun back then, but I can't rationalize it as an adult.

I remember there was this one kid crying and he wanted a pump because his bike tire was flat or something, and his dad was going around and he asked me if I had a pump, and I did, but I didn't want them to come to my home, so I just told them my mom didn't want anyone coming in. And I still remember that kid crying. I felt so bad just a second afterwards, I should've just let them use the pump.

I remember playing soccer, I remember playing around with RC cars, I remember going down the hill on my scooter while sitting and falling and crashing and crying because I scraped my knee, I remember crying so often, I used to cry so often. I cried like once every two days or something like that and I would get so much attention. I'd be a constant crier.

I also remember learning this levitation magic trick online, and I was in 6th grade I think, and I would just show off to my fellow six graders and everyone including the teachers would be super impressed. Of course it was just some illusion trick that works for some reason, but back then there weren't so much available on the Internet as today. Today I can basically go online and learn anything and everything I would ever want to learn, like how to levitate, but back then, this was rare stuff, and you'd have to find some random guy who uploaded content willing to teach you, that was a rarity.

I remember my computer at the time, it was a 120GB hard drive desktop computer which my dad bought for over $550 or so at the time (which was expensive at the time for some reason. Like to me that's really cheap now, but back then, that was more than my parents were willing to spend on basically anything). And the computer had I think like 128mb of ram, and a really crappy processor. It was super slow, even brand new. And I remember those huge CRT monitors, and the mouse and keyboard had their own slots to plug into on the desktop tower, nowadays you have USB that everything plugs into. The monitor would flicker on the video camera if you tried recording it, but in real life it looked fine. Oh, and I remember my parents buying this video camera they saw on some catalog, it came with this 32mb SD card. Serious.

I remember for the longest time that 4gb or 8gb usb pen drives were the maximum and the most common kind. Like, who would need more than 4gb? Seriously? Nowadays you can buy easily 64 GB USB pen drives, maybe even 128GB, I haven't checked in a while. But that was just in 2009. 4gb was more than enough. That was a lot back then, and seriously, it's a lot. 32 MB was a lot. You could record videos with 32MB and be fine. Weird how it all changes right?

Windows XP was the best freaking operating system. I'm serious, that was my favorite to play around with. It was so much fun. I had so many viruses and malware program on my computer, because I'd download random stuff from, like games and such. Back then there wasn't really any search engines, or they weren't really that commonly used, sure I used Google and Yahoo at the time, but not that frequently.

If you wanted to get to a website back then, you either heard it from word of mouth and then visited the site that way, or you randomly typed in a website on the URL bar and pressed enter to see if that worked. That's how I found websites like or (which was a Cokemusic clone). Holy shit. I was talking with _Raven177 at the time, and we were literally just looking for a new game to play with each other. Keep in mind I was 11 and he was 17, and again he treated me like I was his 'equal'. I could even boss him around at some points. What an awesome fucking guy.

I randomly, and I mean this, I did not search for this website or anything like that. But we both wanted to play a game similar to CokeMusic and Habbo Hotel. I think I met him actually because he was a 'Mafia' leader in either CokeMusic or Habbo Hotel. Oh shit, did he die? I looked up his 'real name' online and it says there was some 32 year old that died 'unexpectedly' last month. What the fuck? I could be him, although the age difference should just be around 6 years, I should be 26 and he should be 32... not me being 24 and him being 32... but it could still be him. I never found out what he looked like, just his real full name and his username.

Anyway, so we were chatting with Yahoo Instant Messenger, and we both wanted a new game to play. I'd link him some, and he was like nah. So then I just randomly typed in the chat, let's visit this website... "" and he said something along the lines of "look, you can't just type in a website and expect it to be a game" and voila, it was a fucking game. That was the first time I ever was blown away by just how lucky I was. I've never visited before, and the reason why I was so confident with it to begin with, was because I'd come across random good websites by just typing in their name in the bar.

Like I wanted to view photos of creepy clowns, so guess what?, and that was a website filled with a bunch of creepy clowns. Lame, all the games on now are AAA games (made by established companies). Back then the games were all random and crappy, like there was Little Fighter 2 which was this not crappy game, but it was available to download from there. Also, randomly, mods and such for other games, like Dungeon Siege, were for no reason, available on Again you didn't really use search engines to find things back then, at least I didn't, so to get the coolest mods for Dungeon Siege, I had to look them up on, which surprisingly hosted them.

I remember 'modding' LF2 by editing the sprites. That was the first time I learned how easy it was to modify games by doing that, and I just did it myself randomly while playing around with the files. Oh yeah, I also really liked the Ash and Misty couple so much, I had this giant Paint image, where I would copy/paste images online that I could find of Ash and Misty. There used to be this 'movement' called AAML which stood for Ash and Misty's Love, and it was, for some reason, something I was really into as a third grader. I even wrote fanfiction for it!

To see how bad my writing was at the time, this is honestly how I wrote and spelled and I saw nothing wrong with it. In fact, I actually thought I had 'perfect grammar' at the time. This was my writing as either a 3rd or 4th grader and I would write fanfiction on AAML, and I'm taking this from from the user named G4Fan (which was me, I was really into the G4 gaming channel for some reason). It's not dated when I wrote this, but like I said, 3rd or 4th grade, so either 2003 or 2004. Here's "Chapter 1" of my childhood AAML:

disclaimer;i dont own pokemon or any other characters but i do on karl(duh im am karl)

discalimer:i dont own pokemon but i do own this fic and zero

chapter one:the beggining


misty:*caches ash(did i spell it rigth?)*are you okay?

ash:pidgeys are after me!*sees her bike takes it*

misty:hey wait! thats my bike!

ash:*soon falls of the bike* pickachu get in the pokeball its the only way to survive *puts a pokeball in front of pickachu*

pickachu:*feels worried,stands up,jumps on ash's shoulders,shocks all the pidgeys and misty's bike.

ash:nice job pickachu *falls on the grounds tired(or he got shocked a little)looks in the sky sees a ho-oh,checks his pokedex*

dexter:the information of this pokemon is unaveilable some pokemon have not been discovered.

narrator:and soon ash and misty travel together.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-3 days after that_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- the day in mt. moon with brock duh!!

brock:here we are mt.moon.

ash:after this will go to cerulean gym.

kid(this is the kid that entertains):*fishing in a creek*

ash:where are the clafairy's?

kid:i dont know either

misty:do you live in this house?


brock:hey look a guy is coming out of the house*points to the guy*

ash:where are the clafairy's?

guy:rigth here*points to a small passage

all:*looks in*

kid:im breathing breathing out

"prapare for trouble"

"make it double"

"blasting off the speed of light"

"surrender now or prepage to fight"


meowth:thats right

misty:team rocket!

kid:are you guys trying to ryhm?

ash:no!these people steal

jessie:too late*gets two claifarys*

james:catch us before we get all of them*gets two*

tr:*just keeps on getting more clafairy's*hahahhahhaha

ash:i wont let them get away pickachu use your thundershock attack

pickachu:pika(ok ash)*uses thundershock on tr*

tr:team rockets blasting of again*dissapears and makes a star*

kid:that was easy

guy:for saving the clafairy's you deserve a moon stone *shows it to him and gave it*

ash:wow thats cool!

kid:millions can view millions can hope

brock:maybe you can travel with us kid

kid:you can call me zero and I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE YO OTHA BROTHERS CANT DENY.............

A/M/B/Z:good bye!

guy: thank you bye!!

ash:hey look a sign*it sead gary was here ash is a loser*RRrrrrrr that gary*runs as fast as he can to cerulean


brock:do we just leave him alone?

misty:no we have to follow him *pulls zero and brocks hand to run*

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-the day after that in cerulean-_-_-_-_-_-_

I like big butts and I cannot lie all you other bothers can't deny when a girl walks

in with a itty, bitty, waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung ...

that doenst count

I could barely understand it myself, and I laughed a little here and there. Honestly at the time, it felt like I had written 20 pages of fan fiction, and that my story was so original and such. I basically just took the first few episodes of Pokemon and added this new character named 'Zero' (because the name sounded cool) to the story. Oh my gosh I'm crying from the cringe.

It turns out that I wrote a second "chapter" to this story though, and here it is:

discalimer:i dont own pokemon but i do own this fic and zero

chapter 2 the day ash wins his 2nd badge


_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-the day after that in cerulean-_-_-_-_-_-_

brock:i hope you sister's look beutiful misty...........oh yeah i for got my name is brock

misty:im misty


zero:you like girls brock?

brock:yeah!there hot!

zero:when a girl walks with an itsie bitsy waist and that thing on your face you get sprung

ash:*quickly runs in the gym* hey im ready to win my second badge *no answer*

misty:*goes in with the two* you'll have to go against me then *turns on the battle field* staryu go *staryu comes out*

ash:(thinking:what pokemon shall i use?)butterfree go!*throws butterfree's pokeball butterfree came out*

brock:ill be the judge

misty:ready staryu?

staryu:*says what ever it says*(very ready*

ash:gust attack *butterfree let's out a strong gust*

misty:*staryu gets hit* tackle staryu *staryu started spinning then hit butterfree.butterfree fainted*

ash:*returned its butterfree.send out piggeotto* us gust *piggeotto used gust staryu fainted*

misty:return*ruterned its staryu* go starmie *starmie came out of the pokeball*

ash:use gust *piggeotto use gust.starmie fainted*

misty:starmie no!*returns it*

ash:yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i won

misty:yay here ya go *gives him the cascade badge*

ash:yeah i won!!!!! now lets go to saffron!!

_ 2_ hours _later____

brock:*leads them half way to saffron* will have to camp here it's getting late

ash:what about food?

brock:fine ill cook *cooking spaggeti*

misty:*gets the fire wood*

ash:*makes the tent*

zero:* makes an excellent plan*can we go to sleep now?

brock:*cooking dinner* your not even hungry?

zero:no.*waits till they all go to sleep,takes out lipstick from brock's bag,put it on,kisses ash in the cheeks and giggle's*

the next morning


brock:*wakes up first* good morning you guys *looks at ash's cheeks,sees that misty kissed him*

misty:*yawns* morning brock

brock:did you kiss ash?

misty:*takes a look at ash* no

zero:*rolled to ash and woke him up while asleep*


ash:*yawns*what happened to zero?

brock:misty kissed you


ash:*wipes his face,looks at his hand sees a red kiss* misty!

misty:it wasnt me!

zero:*wakes up by the screaming misty* what happened?

brock:misty kissed ash in the face

zero:no you did is a saw you!

brock:but i dont have lipstick!

zero:*gets lipstick out off brocks bag* ha you see

brock:wait a minute how did you know that i have lipstick in my backpack?

zero:saw you kissing*giggles*

brock:so it was you all along?

zero:yeah a 9 year old tricked older people *giggles*

brock:*makes breakfast*


after breakfast at saffron


chap 3 coming up

Well that was really lame and random. Zero would just singing "I like big butts and I cannot lie" for no reason, and that story and joke were really lame. At least we know how old I was at the time, 9 years old, because I think I imagined myself as Zero being in the story, so I put myself in there. And why did I write this fan fiction which by the way is titled "The Legacy of AAML" (in case I didn't mention it yet)?

No idea. I have no idea why I wrote this as a 9 year old. And why was it so stupid? Why was it so dumb? Like the dumbest writing I have ever read in my entire life? And I wrote it?

Oh gosh. The thing is though, it actually would take me effort to write it in that way. If I wanted to make a really terrible story, I'd have to come up with effort and try to actually format it all weirdly like that and misspell a lot of words like that. I did not misspell them on purpose, and back then Microsoft Word was not that popular, so literally I think I wrote it all in Notepad, maybe? I think I wrote it in WordPad, and I don't think that had any spellchecker on it.

And no I had no idea what 'you got sprung' meant. It was just some part of the song back then, which was a hit song at the time.

But yeah I have no idea why I kept this large 'Paint' file, it was literally this Paint file that I just kept on expanding as more photos were added, and it was this cool collage of AAML related photos. I had a few different 'large paint files' for a lot of different things. I don't know why I kept those? I don't know why I downloaded every program I encountered and installed them, like Bonzi Buddy for example, I found out later that was a spyware program, but I had it reading my email and showing it to my friends and parents and letting it basically do anything it wanted to on my computer.

I had many such random programs. What was memorable, which I now don't remember the name of, was this 3D world on the desktop. I forgot what it was called, I just spent some time searching for it now and wasn't able to find it. I did find a video of it a few months back (or maybe it was several years ago), so I'm not insane and I did not just imagine it. The video highlighted a lot of what I remember.

Basically, this was in early 2000s, it might've been 2003 again when I was 9 years old. But it was this 3D desktop environment, where it was like a video game, but your desktop was actually this video game. Your files and programs could be launched and viewed from within this virtual desktop. It was basically like real life, you walk around with WASD and you'd have your files and executables pinned on the walls or somewhere, and you could add/change posters or paintings in your room by putting in something custom. What was super cool was the recycling bin, it was literally this trash can beneath some table that you could grab files and throw into.

Again it was this 3d world. There was also random games like there was a basketball you could grab and shoot hoops with, inside of the desktop. It was so freaking cool. It sucks that I can't find anymore footage of it, or I can't find the footage of it anymore. But I'm seriously not insane. It was the coolest desktop experience. And to shut down I think you go to bed, or maybe that's to put the computer to 'sleep', but yeah. It was this surreal experience where your desktop was this game. It never caught on though.

I downloaded this and a bunch of random fun spyware and other kinds of programs from Those were fun days.

11:33 PM

Today was great for the most part, except for when I got home this afternoon and I ended up wasting my time and doing private things, three times, instead of doing something productive. I got home around 5:40 PM, and I would have exercised right away, but it was so hot outside and the sun was glaring. So I stayed indoors thinking I'd leave around 7 PM, so I watched some videos, and did something once, and then I fell asleep. Before I knew it, when I woke up, it was already passed 8 PM, and then I was like oh no it's too late.

So then I just stayed indoors the entire time. I did something two more times, and other than that and watching some videos, that's all I did today in the afternoon at home. Lame. I'm going to have to push what I should have done today, to tomorrow, and I'll have to put in twice as much effort if I want to 'catch up' to where I should be.

I have to wake up early tomorrow, and I only got five hours of sleep last night, so I am definitely just going to sleep soon as soon as I can and not even think about doing anything else. But it is definitely surprising how the time can just go by quickly like that. I feel so drained right now.

So today was for the most part productive, last night I spent several hours writing in this journal, and I managed to get over 5000 words before going to sleep. Right away the day had already started off awesomely, like the only way I could mess it up was if I did me, and wasted my time. I woke up decently early, I didn't get enough sleep last night, like basically every other night, so I was tired. I read some random headline of article today saying that people who get five hours of sleep or less have a 65% higher mortality rate than those who got more than 5 hours of sleep, or something along those lines. I really need to get more sleep.

I didn't read the rest of the article, the headline and a bit of the subtitle was fine, in this day and age, information comes and goes like lightning, I just read what I need to and get out of there before my brain gets filled with additional useless information that I'd never need or use. That sounds cool when I say it, but it's not entirely true, as I do more wasteful activities, and in fact it'd probably be more productive for me to actually read those articles than do what I did.

So then I took a 'warm' shower, normally I'd have the water at the hottest temperature, but recently I've started putting it to 'warm', which is still hot but not that hot. I want to transition to taking cold showers, and recently I've started to wash my hands with cold water instead of hot. Cold water has just started to feel refreshing to me, although it would still be hard to get in and just jump into it in the morning, I think it would be nice to transition to it slowly from the hottest water temperature slowly to the coolest.

The reason why I put my water at the hottest anyway, is because when I get out of the shower, it's usually chillingly cold. No matter how hot it is outside or how cold it is outside, it's always cold in the morning after a shower, for some reason. So I use the hottest water temperature as a layer for my skin, so that when I get out of the shower, there's a few seconds that I have of still feeling not so cold, and that gives me enough time to comfortably grab the towel and pull it back into the shower as I dry myself off in there where there's the steam from the hot water.

I took a warm shower today and did not have that same layer of hot water on me. So when I got out of the shower, it felt cold right away, and I was shivering the entire time as I dried myself. It was cold. I'm not sure if I can do cold showers, I know it's not going to kill me, but the feeling is so uncomfortable that I shudder and shiver against it. I dunno, that's why I'm transitioning to it slowly.

I went into work today and did awesomely. I was able to get done that thing I was talking about last night, or maybe yesterday, that I thought was going to be very hard to do. it turns out the solution I might have mentioned last night, which was this alternative solution I came up with right before leaving work, worked. I just didn't have enough time to fully debug it and apply it before leaving yesterday, but when I applied it this morning, I got it done nicely.

Then I had this other thing to work on, which was mostly HTML. That part was super easy, although it did take me around 5-6 hours doing it, and I didn't even take any breaks for lunch or a nap either. I was sleepy throughout the afternoon, especially after 3 PM, and it really felt like at that moment that work would last forever, but it didn't. I got that HTML thing done as well, it was originally this very complicated structure with over 400+ lines of code, and I refactored the entire thing, basically just rewriting everything, and I brought it down to around 160 lines, around 30 or so of those lines must've been comments, literally comments.

It was super nice. I like writing 'clean' code that's really nice and easy to understand. I really don't understand why it is, that when I go online to view other people's source code, they are not written that well. They're seriously hard to read through and most of the time I have no idea what's going on. The only time I'd know what was going on, is if I did something similar to what the person did, for example like we both made a Minesweeper game, I could somehow then, understand even a stranger's code because they're just implementing different ways of getting the same thing done.

But when it's for some other things that I have never attempted before nor do I even know where to start, I can't understand anything that anyone else wrote. Like, what does this do exactly, and why do you need it to do that? Nope. I don't understand.

Adding some frameworks into the mix makes it even harder to understand if you have no idea what to do in that framework or how work is done in that frame. Like Angular, I mean, I'm good with AngularJS now, I can do a lot of things with it, no problem there. But Angular, which is the 'upgraded' version, I usually have just a small idea of what's going on, but I don't understand it fully. It's weird. Angular feels so much more complex than AngularJS.

Anyway, I got a lot of work done at work today, and I practically worked for 9 hours straight since the only breaks I took were to literally just stand up to fill up my mug with water, or I'd use the restroom. Other than that, I didn't even eat lunch nor did I go out and drive anywhere. I just sat at my computer, doing work, the entire time.

It's also kind of surprising that I can sit down at a desk for many hours, like I did yesterday and this morning, and just write a few lines of code down. The actual solution to the 'hard problem' that was plaguing me for the past few days, was 5 new lines of code, and modifications to 6 other lines of code. That's it. That was literally the solution. Of course, the only reason I was able to accomplish this was because other people had attempted it first, and they left clues, and I used what they wrote sort of as a springboard to help me understand what to do better.

In fact, they pretty much got it through 90% of the way, just the final stretch they didn't get to. If I had to do it from scratch, I'd be tackling this problem for over a week, maybe weeks. Now that I know the solution, and thank you for this freaking solution, I can actually do it myself now. if I had to do it from scratch, I could do it. Of course I'd have to write the original attempted code, which was probably 10 or 20 lines more than the 11 I worked on, but I could do it again now. And yeah it was a hard freaking problem, I'd be stuck at it for more than a week or two if there weren't already clues.

After work, I went home. Then I regretfully did nothing for six hours. Yikes. Man. That's a lot of time to do nothing with. Also I'm tired, but I probably already mentioned that a few times already.

And with that, I think today has been the most I have written in a single day possibly, mainly because I copy/pasted the stories I wrote when I was 9 years old. And it's weird, I actually had this memory where those stories I wrote were original and decent, and when I reread through them again today, they're basically just the original story with this new 'Zero' character that doesn't even do much. I mean he was called 'Kid' in the first 'chapter', and the way it ended 'Just call me Zero' it sounds like the ending of an anime where the character is looking out into the sunset and some minor characters call out 'but wait what's your name?' then the main character stops walking and stands still in front of the sun for a moment, with the orange horizon visible around him and his shadow casted behind, he says 'Just call me Zero', and the frame freezes and a diagonal black transition box panes in from the left as the credits roll.

That's probably how I imagined it, but it was extremely lame. That story was lameosity. Anyway, the day is over now. It's 11:59 PM, and with today's end, I am born again tomorrow. But I don't have unlimited rebirths, and one day I'll just be gone, and not reborn.

Tasks Today
Find out what happened to photos from May 9th through 11th
Upload 21 photos to Instagram
Work on Time Log app
Backup Dashcam video of the strongest rain I've been in

Full list in the Extended Backlog page

Was today as productive as it could have been? No
Did I take over 10,000 steps today? No
Did I program a little today? Yes
Did I eat under 2000 calories today? Maybe
Did I write at least 5000 words in my journal today? Yes
Did I take and upload my daily photos for today? No
Did I upload yesterday's journal entries today? No

Time Log

12:00 AM – Setting Up Today – 12:02 AM

12:02 AM – Backing up dashcam video – 12:20 AM

12:20 AM – Writing Journal – 12:29 AM

12:29 AM – Preparing to go to bed – 12:34 AM

12:34 AM – Writing Journal – 2:12 AM

2:12 AM – Sleeping – 7:20 AM

7:20 AM – Preparing for Work – 7:58 AM

7:58 AM – Driving – 8:10 AM

8:10 AM – Working – 5:01 PM

5:01 PM – Driving – 5:40 PM

5:40 PM – Wasting Time – 11:33 PM

11:33 PM – Writing Journal – 11:59 PM

Productive Hours (11:06)
Setting Up Today (0:02)
Backing up dashcam video (0:18)
Writing Journal (2:14)
Working (8:51)

Neutral Hours (6:32)
Preparing to go to bed (0:05)
Sleeping (5:08)
Preparing for Work (0:38)
Driving (0:51)

Unproductive Hours (5:53)
Wasting Time (5:53)

Megg's Horses
Math: 0
Art: 8
Python: 7
Web Development: 210
Java: 0
JavaScript: 2
PHP: 4
C#: 4
General Programming: 8
Exercise: 35
Game Development: 4