Wednesday, May 23rd 2018

12:11 AM

Alright so let me continue from yesterday. I don't know why I didn't just write during all that free time I had from 8 PM to the end of the day, I could have just written, and I would have easily made it to 5000 words. I also wonder why I didn't just walk outside for an hour, I would have easily gotten 10,000 steps. I'll write down what I did, but before that, let me continue yesterday's train of thought if I can, I may have derailed it after creating and setting up today's entry and finalizing yesterday's entry, which involves doing some math and logistics that may have thrown me off.

Anyway, where was I? Yeah. That's how life works. You can be ahead one second, then behind, then dead, the next. It happens to everyone. You're only the best for so long, you're not the best one second later. Not that I ever was the best, maybe at typing, that's basically the only thing I've ever been great at, even from a young age. I've written about this before, but when I was 11 or 9 or so, I can't even recall, I think I was in 3rd or 5th grade? There was this guy called Sword500 from I think it was AOL Instant Messenger, and it was literally on the AOL platform.

There used to be, if you wanted to use the Internet, you had to launch AOL which was like its own operating system. Every time you wanted to log into the Internet, it would make this loud and very audible noise from the internal modem inside the desktop tower, like there was no way to turn this sound off, you could turn the speakers down all the way, but that's not where the noise came from. It was also impossible to log into the computer at night for me, because my parents would be woken up by the loud noise. AOL was its own cool platform, you had a buddy list, a web browser, your email, and a bunch of other cool things AOL just put in, it was like its own operating system it felt like.

I used AOL for about 3 years, from 2000 I think, to I think late 2004, so that's actually 4 years and nearly 5 years. My family didn't get rid of AOL until I was in 5th grade or so, around the time I also started playing World of Warcraft. I had to convince them to get rid of AOL because it was so loud and noisy and not to mention very slow, it was dial up Internet. I still remember my username for the AOL login that my entire family used, but it was under a username I made up for some reason.

Man those were the days! I remember my parents being scared of purchasing anything online because how of they thought it could steal their credit cards and such because they saw it on the news, and that is true, but they didn't get rid of their fear until like 2012 or later. In fact I bought things earlier than they did, because they never used their credit cards for anything online. I wanted Runescape membership back in 2003, it was just $5 a month, but my parents said no because they would steal their credit cards. Okay.

My parents were so young back then. They were so freaking young. They are getting old now. it's not even funny anymore. This is actually true, I've read so many comments or heard from so many people that when they were younger their parents seemed young and immortal, but then they got to their 20s or 30s, and their parents started to look so very mortal. It's frightening.

Anyway, no one even remembers dIal-up anymore. No one. Well, not any of the younger kids anyway. Even from my own generation, like I said, I was pretty much the only person doing this from childhood, and everyone else was doing some other things not related to computers and not related to the Internet. I did so many things computer related so much earlier than practically all my peers, so it feels like shite getting surpassed like that. It's a terrible feeling but I deserve it from negligence.

I don't even know what I did on the computer back then, oh yeah. I played Neopets, Runescape and Cokemusic and Habbo hotel. Not that there was anything to do in Habbo hotel, it just felt cool having that realistic looking character walking around hotels and talking to random people. As a kid I didn't know what dating was or what life was like for teenagers and adults, so I thought it was a kid's game, but it's actually this adult's game, depending on who you run into.

But yeah, I had a friend in 3rd grade named Raven, he was a 17 year old. I was 9 or 10 or 11 at the time, and we both met at Cokemusic. His username I still remember so vividly, it was _Raven177, with that underscore in the beginning. I actually don't think games or websites allow you to have underscore as the first letter in your name anymore. But that was his name. I was so surprised there was this much older person playing with me and treating me like an equal, like wow, I was freaking 9 or 10 haha.

I eventually traded him I think it was 50 CCs (Coke Couches) which were the most expensive items in Cokemusic, for 1 Runescape scythe. We both didn't know the scythe was untradeable, but he dropped it on the ground, and it disappeared without me seeing it. So he lost it, and I lost it. Then Cokemusic shut down. That's the end of one ultra super rare item in that game. Oh yeah, I remember as well when he first introduced me to the game Runescape. I played the very first version of Runescape which was Runescape classic at the time, and it was already packed with people, all those 'normal holiday items' going around at the time, would today be extremely rare and expensive, but back then they were plentiful.

He was level 47 in Runescape and already had full Rune gear. I thought he was the coolest player, and he probably was. Level 47 was really high at the time, but I caught up to him, and I surpassed him in that game. I loved Runescape so much that it just happened. Long story short, I was able to get every quest done, I got the rarest items in the game at the time, and I had a very powerful character, but I gave my password to a real life friend because I was done playing it, and they ended up stealing all my stuff which had rare holiday items and two sets of full Rune armor, and changing my password, and I was a 9 year old when I signed up so my password recovery wasn't even set up, so it was stolen from me basically. Great. That happened I think in 7th grade.

Anyway, _Raven177 and Sword500 were pretty cool people I knew back in the day. I doubt they remember me but I went by the username Megg45368. Another friend I remember was in Diablo 2, a friend called Nate, who was a very nice dude, I played a lot with him and his sister, they were both freaking pros at the game and had high Magic Finding levels, so they'd give me free stuff. His username was Alaphas and I forgot his sister's name, I think it was Hailey. I was in 5th grade at the time and I remember telling them about my experience in class where I learned about sex for the first time, I told them "okay now I understand boys and girls have different parts, but I still don't get how babies are born" or something like that, definitely not in that nicely written grammar.

I probably realistically wrote it more like "k but how r babies born? Y are boy and girl parts diff?" because I actually did write in that kind of shorthand back in the day. Literally. I did that every day and I talked like that every day. 'How r u?', no one does that now these days! Right? I don't' really talk to anyone that does that, so that's what I think, but who knows? Maybe there's still a ton of people that do that.

Haha and I remember Hailey or whatever his sister's name was, shouting at me in all caps talking about how the boy's penis goes into the vagina, and I was like "ohh that makes sense now" but not like that, I probably just wrote "oooooooooooo". I remember she ended whatever her message was with "!!!11one one one" and I was laughing so hard at that joke, like holy crap. It was so funny!

And I remember A/S/L? questions in the game as well. People would just always ask ASL? Always in the game. It was so much fun. I had this character I was super proud of, his name was MansterCollosus, and I had all of my characters have "Manster" in the beginning for some reason, like even I don't know what started it, but all my characters had Manster, like "MansterPal" or "MansterSummoner" (I think). Oh no, MansterCollosus was my main character, he was my, I think, level 87 necromancer, which is a freaking high level character, especially online. I played non-ladder though so my character wasn't ranked anywhere.

But one of my other characters was also a necromancer, and I specialized this character for summoning. I had gear that gave me extra summoning points, and I had all my skill points put in the right places. I could summon an army of over 20 skeletons I think, plus a golem, and I would go out and duel people and my skeletons would just kill everyone! It was so awesome. He was such an awesome character. Keep in mind I was 11 or so at the time, and I was playing this game with a majority of people whom were over 18, it was a rated M game.

I think Nate and Hailey were teenagers though, idk why they played with me, but they were so nice and fun to play with, and they gave me free stuff.

Then I just randomly out of the blue quit that game without saying goodbye, and I started World of Warcraft. I did this with all of those games by the way, I never said goodbye to _Raven177 nor did I say goodbye to Sword500 or Alaphas. There's just one guy I remember in World of Warcraft actually, I didn't make that many friends on it, his name was XxDragonFirexX in the game, and I thought it was cool. Exaggerated name, but cool. I played when WoW first came out in 2004, I was in 5th grade and it took a lot of convincing for my parents to sign me up for it. I told them my cousin also played it, which was true, and I told them I could meet him in the game (which was true but unlikely as there were so many servers). But yeah, they got me the game, it was $50, and it came with 4 DVD discs, the total game size was 4.7 GB at the time, I still remember because I had to use the discs to install that game so many freaking times.

Also, Maplestory was only 70 megabytes at the time. I still remember that. I remember having to leave the computer on overnight to download those 70 megabytes. I remember that "Downloading" screen from Internet Explorer, where there was literally another window that opened up for every download you had. It's not like browsers today, where the downloads occur inside of that download manager, hidden and invisible. Oh, I was also around on the birth of YouTube, Gmail, Facebook, MySpace, FireFox, Chrome, the iPhone, the Macbook Pro, and so on. Like, I have been around, and I've experienced all these things.

I remember the transition from Windows XP to Windows Vista. XP was the best operating system in the world, I thought. Dude. There so many things possible with that operating system. It was honestly complete. 2004 is basically the same thing as today, except technology is just a little bit further. Honestly, I feel like software was already so ahead back in the day, that most of the stuff we do today, was already possible back then.

Sure the graphics are a little bit better in video games, the computer hardware is a bit faster, so is the operating system, and the technology is a lot more refined, but today is basically the same as 15 years ago, really. If I could be transported back to 2003, I'd feel like it was the same thing, the only difference is that people in general as a whole were a lot less tech savvy and not many people had computers let alone laptops.

Things were a lot simpler back then, the websites were super simple and with the knowledge I have today, I could totally take full advantage of that. I mean there's so many exploits and hacks that were so easy to do back in the day. Man. That's what I feel like would be so different, would be that with the knowledge I have today, I'd be a force to be reckoned with back then. Whew. Of course I'd still be pretty much stupid. I'm still stupid, even today.

Oh yeah my cousin was the one that showed me how to make my first website when I was in 3rd grade. I was 9 years old, and I think he was 12 or something, but wow, thank you so much. He sat down with me and walked me through making a website using this site builder called expages. It was basically like Tumblr, but it was Expages. Oh I found it online, it's actually called Expage. It was the Tumblr of the day, it was sort of like Geocities, but not as complex.

All those Expage sites looked the same, they had this colorful background, some random Midi song playing, they had a draw clipart image here and there, you had these animated marquees, sometimes the cursor would be colorful and animated, the text would be sparkly, and then at the bottom you'd have links to go to the guestbook, quizzes, and games, and then a view count and last edited time at the very bottom. Every Expage website had that!

I freaking loved that website man! Those were so awesome! I remember the community back then. OH! I also remember the community around FreeWebs which is now back then! It was such a small and tiny community haha! I remember the public chat had like 30 people or something, and I thought that was a lot. I connected with those random people as a 4th grade and we signed each other's guestbooks and such. Nowadays you have chat rooms with thousands of freaking people.

I don't remember what my username was for Expage, otherwise I'd find my website in the archives if it was there. I don't know why Expage shut down, seriously. It was such an awesome website, it was so funny and hilarious how it operated and how viral it went.

Oh, and I remember Yahoo Instant Messenger. It was this improved version of AIM and it was so much fun. I remember playing games with Raven through it, there were so many games and themes on that thing, it was so freaking cool. I was such a different person before I became conscious. It really felt like my entire life was just on autopilot, even last year was on autopilot, like I was just going through life, being forced into situations (although it was all under my control) and being tugged and pulled one direction to the next, seemingly no choice.

Oh, I think the biggest difference between me and my younger self from before puberty, is that I now spend some time watching porn. I don't know how many hours of my life have been wasted due to this, probably and easily over 10,000 hours, yet I really have nothing to show for it. 10,000 hours of watching porn amounted to absolutely nothing. I think the reason why I loved my childhood more and why those days felt longer and those experiences more exciting and more vivid than recent memories today, is because I do negative things today, as compared to before.

Back then I thought the sky was the limit, anything was possible. Now I know that everything is possible up to a point because I've gone through some hardships, I've suffered and lost, I won here and then, lost some here and there, I've experienced ups and downs and twists and turns, enough life experiences to make me realize that some things others can do, are just things that I will never be able to do because it's not in my interest to do them.

Although I also know that I shouldn't do things just because I'm interested in them, I should do things because they're profitable. That's essentially how one makes it in the world, is not to do things that are fun or interesting, but boring yet profitable. All these ideas have been regurgitated back and forth through me thousands of times, and I know it all.

How'd I get from talking about my day to this? Anyway, after work, on the way to pick up my mom, I was caught in a huge lightning and thunder storm. There was so much rain. This is possibly the most rain I've ever seen recently, like I could stand outside for one second, and all my clothes would be entirely soaked. It was so hard to see, nearly impossible, everyone had their lights on, but the rain was too much. I had my wipers on the maximum speed setting and it was barely getting through. It was epic, I thought, until I saw the lightning illuminate the entire sky. It was very close.

It's five miles for every second of delay between the lightning and the thunder, and I counted one second. I was five miles away from this most recent lightning strike and I was terrified. It was very wet and rainy outside, and here I was in traffic, in my car, with thunder and lightning going on around me. I felt like I was going to be struck by lightning, and that I was going to die. I wanted to survive for just a bit longer. I thought about the last entry I wrote and thought about how that was going to be it, and I accepted my fate. But then I lived through it, I drove and drove to the way to pick up my mom, and got to her just fine.

Just right outside her office there was this lady that stopped on top of this hill on the exit out, and I drove passed her as she waved us by, but she stopped there because there was a turtle on the ground. I had experience with them before, picking one up, it was super easy, but this one was a large snapping turtle. I at first wanted to pick him up, but two women warned me against it, as it could bite my finger off, so I didn't even try. Oh and as I parked the car and got to the turtle the lady told me she didn't want it getting run over, I told her neither did I, and that's why I came to pick it up, but then her and some other lady who stopped by said not to get close or to touch it, so I took their advice.

Some other guy eventually came by and took a picture of it, and then he got this foldable chair out and he lifted the turtle up while I put the bottom of the foldable chair on it, so it was flat and close to the ground, and he just lifted it over to the grass out of the road. He wasn't given the same 'be careful' advice as me, so he was pretty fearless in confronting it, which I would have been as well if I weren't told not to.

Anyway, then I got home, and I wasted all that time. I'm really sleepy. I need sleep. Good night.

10:42 PM

Alright I've got just a thousand words left to go before I can finish today's entry. I might actually go back and delete some paragraphs here and there so I will have to write a little bit more than a thousand words if I want to make today a better day than yesterday.

So today has been an awesome day so far, and it's not even over yet! I actually still have to finish my 5000 words, then I have to at least upload 21 photos to my Instagram account so that I can have a log of it. I think that will take me around 30 minutes or so do to though, especially since I have to go through so many freaking photos.

Alright so what made today great? Well I woke up pretty early today, I think. I don't even fully remember. No wait, no, I don't think I woke up that much earlier than usual today. Although I did leave work a little bit later than usual, I did stay a little bit longer as well, by accident, because I was so caught in my work, it was so much fun.

Alright so last night I wrote about how I was working on this very hard task that is seemingly impossible for me to do, and I couldn't and didn't know what to do about it. I had gone over a lot of different ways in order to try and fix it and I was such a greenhorn, I had no idea what I was doing pretty much. I actually did know what I was doing, but since I felt clueless, I guess I didn't have the confidence in solving the problem.

Today I spent several hours on that problem, it was the first thing I worked on when I got into the office, and the last thing I was working on as I left. I had basically just had to comb through thousands of lines of code trying to figure out what would work and what wouldn't work. I ended up trying a few different ways in order to get it to work, and finally, and awesome, I was able to get something that worked.

I really have no idea how so many hours can go by and I would barely get anything done. I wrote maybe just a few lines of code the entire day, possibly less than 50 lines of code total, even when I was experimenting, and the final result was just like 5 lines of code. That really solved the problem, was just doing 5 lines of code, and changing some other lines here and there.

Well I solved the problem, but in a very inefficient way. I was told to redo it again and find another way to do it, and that's what I was working on until the very end. But what was awesome is that I felt useful for once, for once I was able to accomplish something that I didn't think would be possible. Like tomorrow, I know I can do this last part. They said that if I couldn't come up with some better method, then they'll just have to do with this way, but again it was very inefficient and I really want to come up with something different.

The problem now is that I'm not sure if the other methods I come up with will work or not. I actually tried it as I was leaving the office, and I think the entire local server crashed because of what I tried ended up going into an infinite loop. It's weird, it shouldn't have done that since I didn't use any loops, but maybe the way I called some methods caused it to loop up like that. All I know is that whatever I wrote, caused the entire browser to not move for around five or so minutes, and that's what I stayed there so late, because I was waiting to get my mouse back, so that I could do things again, but instead the entire screen froze and I basically did not get that part completed.

Again I don't know if there will even be a solution for this. But I'm at least glad to have figured something out.

Also, I took a break during lunch and went out to a nearby parking lot where I parked under a tree and closed my eyes for a little. I used to take naps at my old office so that I could learn the information a bit better, and I did this inside of the 'Quiet Room' that they had in my old office, but they didn't have this in this new one. So I had to go out and improvise, and I thought, oh wait, why don't I just go outside and find a tree to park under? So that's what I did.

It's actually a lot more productive for me to take a nap during the middle of the day before coming back to work, rather than me just working throughout the entire day. Because when I came back, I felt extremely refreshed, and when I take a nap, I make sure to think a little bit about the problem that I'm trying to solve so that I can come up with a solution for it while I nap. It doesn't work all the time, and it's especially hard during stressful times, but it works for work for some reason. I've completed a number of challenges that I thought were very hard or impossible, through these naps that I would take. It's great.

Now I have a lot harder problems to solve and figure out, and I admit this is a lot more fun than my old job. Like this is way more fun than my old job. The part that is so awesome about my current job compared to my old job is that I can actually learn something that is useful outside of the company. Like basically all the things I learned in my old company, I could have just learned on my own in like a week or something, but instead I didn't, and so I was stagnate for a while. But now I'm back, and I'm learning to work with new frameworks and new languages, and I admit that this is a lot more fun than not.

So I have just around 30 more words to go, but I'm going to keep on writing about whatever random things come to mind so that I can actually delete some older paragraphs which I am considering deleting that I wrote about last night. I'm also not sure whether or not I should keep the usernames of the people I played games with when I was a kid, but since I don't even know them anymore, nor do I have any way to keep in touch, and I actually do know Raven's real name and I might have seen his Facebook before, because I think his username also had Raven in it or something, but yeah I think I'll keep them because whatever, they're just usernames and they're from people I have not played any games with in over ten years.

That much time had already passed by. I don't even remember anyone from 15 and onwards, I think. I mainly just talked to girls at that point, and I talked to girls online. I knew their real life names for maybe a year, and then I forgot. So yeah, there's not anyone in any games that I can really recall today. Except for this Mushu guy in uhh, Heroes of the Storm, which I played recently last month or so. It's been a while since I played that game, which is a good thing.

I still remember playing that game and being insanely addicted to it. I hated every second of that. I remember also being unemployed, and just staying at home, working on my website, or literally just doing nothing. I hated those days too. I couldn't do anything, and life was such a bore. I don't think I actually want to retire when I'm older. I really don't want to, but I think the reason why most people retire is because they become unable to do the work they were once able to do, because of their aging and decline in health.

Today actually, so I picked up my mom like normal, and then we went home. Did I write about that snapping tortoise I saw yesterday and helped? We put him on the grass by the sideway the other day, and today I was expecting some blood and guts on the street if the turtle ever went out on the road again, but I was so happy to find that there wasn't anything. I also made sure to turn very slowly when I went into the road. I hope that turtle learns to not go outside in the morning. Oh, and the only reason why this turtle went out during the daytime, was because, and actually it's a tortoise not a turtle, was because it rained hard. It rained so hard that it looked light night.

I'm not joking or exaggerating with how much rain there was. The videocam on my car has actually filled up because of recording a lot of footage, and I was about to delete all of my videos, then I remembered that storm the other day, and no. I'm not going to delete any videos. Was that actually yesterday? It felt like it was a lot longer ago than that.

Oh man. The last time I felt like 'it felt like a lot longer than that' was in 2016, after Halloween. I dressed up as some karate master and other people dressed up as random other people, and that was when I first started this journal, or right around that time. We took a group photo of all the people who dressed up as someone, and I made a comment somewhere, maybe in my head, when I looked at the photo, and felt like it was taken 'a long time ago' even though it had been just a few days. Holy crap. Well, 2016, now is a long time ago. 2016 is a long time ago today, but it wasn't a long time ago at the time.

Just like that, I felt like that massive rain storm was a long time ago, but in fact, it was pretty recent, it was just yesterday, but I'm still in disbelief about it. I actually grabbed my SD card from my car as soon as we got home, because the entire thing was filled, and I'm going to download the footage onto my computer before erasing the entire card so that I could save that footage. That was one of the scariest moments of my life. I felt like I was going to die, for real, even though I was surrounded by other people stuck in traffic, probably everyone would just stare if my car was hit with lightning and I died right there.

But yeah, it was so dark last night that it was very hard to see, and the noise was so loud, and that was possibly the hardest storm I have ever experienced. Today though the sun was so bright that it had already gotten rid of a lot of the flooded waters that were here just yesterday. Was that yesterday? I think it was yesterday. I think that's why I didn't go outside, was because it was so rainy and there was so much water everywhere.

But today, I went outside, and normally after a storm like that, especially in the paths that I go through, you'd expect at least a few floods and lots of water and streams and such, but no. It was so surprising, it was a dry day today even after the rain. I expected so much water but didn't get any. Normally after a storm like that, the flooded waters would stay in the woods where I jog through for at least a week or a few days, but it disappeared after less than day. I mean it was already gone by the time I ran through there. It was practically dry, although you could still see some signs of there being water, I could have just walked over the streams and not get my socks wet since it was so shallow whereas normally I'd have to leap from rock to rock in order to get across without my pants getting wet.

Anyway, I've already written over 6000 words, I'm at about 6022 at that very word, when I wrote 6022, that was when I had 6022. Now I'm at 6040 and I'm going to delete some words so that I can clear up some of those paragraphs that I wrote about. I don't know if I actually want to delete them or not, but I kind of feel like I should. I mean I have some world changing paragraphs in there, I think. I'm not sure if I want to change the world that much.

11:07 PM

I deleted around 200 words. Pretty insignificant to most people even if they read it, but to me, I juts didn't want anybody reading it. It wasn't even that deeply personal, it's some public thing no one else in the world would have any problem sharing, but for me, I kinda juts wanted to keep it to myself. So now I have to upload my daily photos. That's what I'll work on next.

Tasks Today
Upload 21 Photos (7 Day's Worth)
Work on Time Log app

Full list in the Extended Backlog page

Was today as productive as it could have been? No
Did I take over 10,000 steps today? Yes
Did I program a little today? Yes
Did I eat under 2000 calories today? No
Did I write at least 5000 words in my journal today? Yes
Did I take and upload my daily photos for today? No
Did I upload yesterday's journal entries today? Yes

Time Log

12:00 AM – Writing Previous Day's Journal – 12:06 AM

12:06 AM – Setting Up Today – 12:09 AM

12:09 AM – Completing Yesterday – 12:10 AM

12:10 AM – Setting Up Today – 12:11 AM

12:11 AM – Writing Journal – 1:35 AM

1:35 AM – Sleeping – 7:30 AM

7:30 AM – Preparing for Work – 8:00 AM

8:00 AM – Driving – 8:10 AM

8:10 AM – Working – 12:30 PM

12:30 PM – Break – 1:30 PM

1:30 PM – Working – 5:10 PM

5:10 PM – Driving – 6:00 PM

6:00 PM – Resting – 7:00 PM

7:00 PM – Wasting Time – 7:30 PM

7:30 PM – Walking Outside – 9:00 PM

9:00 PM – Chores – 9:47 PM

9:47 PM – Wasting Time – 10:42 PM

10:42 PM – Writing Journal – 11:02 PM

11:02 PM – Modifying Journal – 11:07 PM

11:07 PM – Writing Journal – 11:09 PM

11:09 PM – Uploading Photos – 11:54 PM

11:54 PM – Uploading Journals – 11:59 PM

Productive Hours (12:59)
Writing Previous Day's Journal (0:06)
Setting Up Today (0:04)
Completing Yesterday (0:01)
Writing Journal (1:46)
Working (8:00)
Walking Outside (1:30)
Chores (0:47)
Modifying Journal (0:05)
Uploading Photos (0:45)
Uploading Journals (0:05)

Neutral Hours (9:25)
Sleeping (5:55)
Preparing for Work (0:30)
Driving (1:00)
Break (1:00)
Resting (1:00)

Unproductive Hours (1:25)
Wasting Time (1:25)

Megg's Horses
Math: 0
Art: 8
Python: 7
Web Development: 202
Java: 0
JavaScript: 2
PHP: 4
C#: 4
General Programming: 8
Exercise: 35
Game Development: 4