Wednesday, April 25th 2018

4:44 AM

As long as I'm still alive I can still do anything that I want to. That's right, I only have this one chance, this one life, this one opportunity to accomplish and do anything and everything that I want to accomplish. I forget about it every day, that's why I waste my time doing useless things or doing nothing at all. All I had to do was do every task in my task log, and every day I'd be closer to accomplishing my goals. Instead however, I became lazy and complacent, and didn't do those activities.

Because of my procrastination I have had to pay a big price. I could've been where I wanted to have been, years ago. I wrote about where I wanted to be back when I was 16, and the future seemed so far away, and everything seemed possible. I wrote about where I thought I'd be at 25, and at that point, I thought I'd have accomplished so much. I kept these dreams up even when I was 18, and even then the years seemed so far away and that my dreams were a lot closer.

I'm almost 25 now and almost none of what I wrote about back in the day have manifested. I wrote a list of 100 goals I wanted to accomplish in my life before I died, it should still be in my room somewhere in a folder. But these 100 things are unbelievable achievements. I'd just write things like I wanted 1 million YouTube subscribers (back then that was nearly unheard of), more than 1 trillion dollars, I wanted to star in a Hollywood movie, I wanted to write a best selling book, I wanted to direct my own movie, I wanted to play every instrument in a band, visit every country in the world, create a best selling video game, become a world class athlete, have a phd, etc, etc. I basically wanted to accomplish pretty much everything.

And back then, hey, 9 years seemed like a long time. It seemed like enough to accomplish all of these things, and I think with the right kind of support and resources and luck and effort, all these things are possible in that short amount of time. For example, how would one get a trillion dollars? It's possible today, if every billionaire in the world just temporarily gave you all their money for one second, you'd be a trillionaire. Writing a best selling book and directing a movie, are both possible in under a year. Starring in a Hollywood movie is also possible in under a year (although it would take so much work and 'talent' to compete against other people applying for the same role).

I mean technically in a way, all of these things are possible in a lifetime. It would just take great amounts of effort and luck to achieve these results.

And 'living in the real world' has got me denying the possibility of these dreams. Things are so much harder than they seem, and if I even try to do any of these things, I become naive because of how simplified I make these difficult tasks seem. Anyway, my dreams have not died. I have formed new dreams and goals over the years, but my willingness to accomplish them has remained the same.

I'm not going to be giving up, why should I? Why should I even waste my time? As long as I'm still alive, I'm going to go for what I want and I'm not going to let anyone or my present circumstances prevent me from accomplishing my dreams.

I am getting older though, and every second I waste is a second I will never get back. I wasted maybe four days in a row, playing video games or wasting my time. Those are 4 days of my life, or roughly 100 hours, that I will never see again. How many hours do I even have left in the world? Let me calculate how old I am now, first of all.

I'm doing these calculations based on if I were exactly 25 years old. If I were exactly 25 years old, I would be around 219150 hours old. Wait a minute, there's only 8760 hours in a year. This means that because I wasted around 100 hours out of 8760 in a year. Four days out of a year is a larger fraction than I expected. I thought it would be just an insignificant amount, but 100/8760 is a bit over 1%, I only have 100 of these 1% total. That basically means I wasted 1/100th of my year so far playing games (probably more if you count the other days I played Dota or playing other games). Oh no!

Roughly 33/100 of the year is spent on sleep. Another 33 is spent on doing other neutral activities like driving or work or whatever. Realistically speaking, I can only take advantage of 33/100 of the year, and so far I have already wasted 1/100. Lame. I can't believe it. That's a huge chunk out of my life gone.

It is such a short lifespan no matter how I think about it. 52 weeks in a year, around 80 years for a person's lifespan, if they're fortunate enough to make it that long. That just leaves 4160 weeks in a lifespan. That's how long an entire life is, just 4160 weeks. There's 520 weeks every 10 years. Okay that seems like a lot thinking about it like that, but that's not really all that much. That's ten years, basically from 25 to 35 or 20 to 30, is 520 weeks. That's it? Now that doesn't seem like any time at all.

I can't believe I wasted any time at all... I think I'm going to plan out my life starting from now. I have planned out my daily life, but I haven't really planned out my weekly or monthly or yearly life yet. This is something I wrote about before, and something I sort of planned back then, but it was way too weak of a plan. Not solid enough, and not uploaded anywhere. I want to upload it to the site so I can keep a better record. Is it in my backlog to make such a plan? No it isn't. I'm going to add it now.

Okay I added it. I want to create a long term plan for my life. A plan to guide me so that I know exactly what I'm doing with this limited life that I have. This life will not be completely easy, but I don't want to waste it. I'm here only once. Once I'm gone I can sleep forever and have no more pains, no more stress, no more problems. But while I'm here, I should get as much as I can because that's the only way I can fulfill my desires. I think I can accept death more easily if I'm ready to go, and I won't be ready to go until I've done everything I wanted.

Here are my plans for today:
- Create Yearly/Monthly/Weekly Plan
- Read philosophies on achievement
- Create 100 goals to accomplish before I die

I used to read a lot of self-help back in high school, mainly so I could get a girlfriend, and none of that worked. I created goals, I announced it to people, I really wanted them to come true, but looking back, it was more of an embarrassment than anything. Is there even a point? I remember I made a video where I talked about the five things I wanted to accomplish my senior year, and it was so freaking embarrassing. Fuck. It went viral in the school too though, it got around 600 views, maybe a thousand, just from people spreading it on Facebook alone, within that school.

Random people I had never met knew me and recognized me in the hallways. It was weird. People were like "Megg keep going for your goals!" and so on. I was so embarrassed. It was very embarrassing. I freaking announced in the video I wanted a girlfriend. Ugh. That makes me cringe so hard. It's set to private on YouTube now, but yeah that was very, very embarrassing and I cringe when I think about it. pretty much anything I do, I feel like cringing on.

I also had that list of 100 goals, and I showed it to my friends. That was so embarrassing. That was so embarrassing. I read it in self-help that it was a good idea to do this. I thought it was too, but looking back, again, I accomplished basically nothing of what I wanted to accomplish, and all the self-help seems like nonsense in hindsight.

However, I'm resurrecting the passions. Also, I had the above tasks in the wrong order. How can I create a yearly/monthly/weekly plan if I have no idea what I'm going for? So that means I need to write 100 goals. How can I write 100 goals if I don't know the reason for it? So I need to read some ideas on why that is important. So that's the first thing I need to do.

Tasks Today
Clean Up Room
Upload Previous Day's Entry
Web Development for an hour
Communications and Networking course for 30 Minutes
Software Engineering course for 30 Minutes
Upload Previous Days' Photos
Upload Today's Photos
Create weekly plan, monthly plan, yearly plan (up to next year)

Fix or Remove Archive Link
Fix or Remove About Link
Instagram Photo Downloader
Notes Uploader
Clean Up YouTube Channel
"How to make HTML Buttons do something with javascript" video
"Quick Life and Death of Albert Einstein" video
"Aging" video
Automate website uploading
Automate journal entry converting and adding to website
Buy Cellphone for Landline Number, door latch, system recovery software
Unity Game Development Course
Web Development Course
Software Engineering Course
Computer Networking Course
Plan for the Year / Month / Week
Create "Extended Backlog" page
Make Video on how to make a contact form
Tic Tac Toe Programming Problem
Upload Java Code to Github
Create Time Logging Web App
Create Long Term Plan for my Life

Steps Taken: 8951
Lines of Code: 100
Calories Consumed: 2500+
Journal Words: 1549
Drawings: 0

Time Log

12:00 AM – Sleep – 1:00 AM

1:00 AM – Bathroom – 1:08 AM

1:08 AM – Nap – 2:00 AM

2:00 AM – Browsing Internet – 3:45 AM

3:45 AM – Uploading Previous Days' Photos – 4:38 AM

4:38 AM – Setting Up Today – 4:44 AM

4:44 AM – Writing Journal – 5:38 AM

5:38 AM – Reading – 6:20 AM

6:20 AM – Nap – 10:00 AM

10:00 AM – Messaging People – 11:30 AM

11:30 AM – Browsing Internet – 12:53 PM

12:53 PM – Cleaning Up Room – 12:55 PM

12:55 PM – Preparing Food – 12:57 PM

12:57 PM – Eating Food – 1:18 PM

1:18 PM – Browsing Internet – 1:32 PM

1:32 PM – Preparing to Exercise – 1:43 PM

1:43 PM – Exercising – 2:53 PM

2:53 PM – Exercise Log – 3:05 PM

3:05 PM – Browsing Internet – 3:15 PM

3:15 PM – Break – 3:42 PM

3:42 PM – Web Developer Course – 4:46 PM

4:46 PM – Break – 5:46 PM

5:46 PM – Watching Videos – 6:10 PM

6:10 PM – Fixing Website – 6:11 PM

6:11 PM – Studying – 7:30 PM

7:30 PM – Wasting Time – 10:46 PM

10:46 PM – Attempting to Study – 11:59 PM

Productive Hours (7:06)
Uploading Previous Day's Photos (1:03)
Setting Up Today (0:06)
Writing Journal (0:54)
Messaging People (1:30)
Exercising (1:10)
Web Developer Course (1:04)
Studying (1:19)

Neutral Hours (4:01)
Sleep (1:00)
Bathroom (0:08)
Nap (4:32)
Preparing Food (0:02)
Eating Food (0:21)
Preparing to Exercise (0:11)
Break (1:27)

Unproductive Hours (5:09)
Browsing Internet (3:32)
Watching Videos (0:24)
Attempting to Study (1:13)

Megg's Horses
Math: 0
Art: 8
Python: 5
Web Development: 111
Java: 0
JavaScript: 2
PHP: 4
Programming: 8
Exercise: 21
Game Development: 4