Sunday, April 1st 2018

6:27 AM

Woo! I got 68% right on the practice exam that had 106 questions. There were so many questions! I like this score because at least it's better than a 50%. Obviously I should score in the 90s range, but I don't spend that much time studying for this course, so getting anything above a 50% for me is already pretty satisfactory.

I do need to spend more time studying, and I will just review all the answers today later on. I probably won't even be able to get 5 hours of studying in today, because that is a difficult task to do.

7:04 AM

There is no good way to die. No matter how much I try to think of a way where dying is painless and wanted, I can't come up with anything. Whether dying by old age, or dying in a fire, or dying by drowning, it all feels the same. It's just life being wiped out and extinguished, never to exist again. All my conscious memories and thoughts, and perceptions, everything that once were, would be no more. How is there a humane or safe way to die?

Dying, and not being able to do the things you once were able to. That is a scary thought and it will eventually happen to all of us. Every single one of us. Everyone. Every single person. Senescence is another event that will eventually happen to us, to those fortunate enough.

How am I supposed to live with myself knowing that I'll eventually be gone?

Oh man. I know I mock the religious, but I feel like turning religious myself. You know, to pray to 'someone' despite there being no evidence or proof, and me knowing that tens of thousands of other religions have existed. But there is comfort in being religious. Comfort from death, tricking my mind into believing that, despite no evidence whatsoever, death isn't the end, and that there's some next step in the afterlife.

You know what sucks though? Hell. I mean, eternal suffering? For all time? Again, I'd rather not have existed than to be born. I hate having existed. Everything I do now is already long gone history, everything anyone does is already long gone history. Even people a thousand years from today, their own present moment is but the past to someone even a thousand years later, and even then in the span of a million years, a few thousand years aren't even a millisecond (well actually if 1 million years was 1 second, then 1000 years would be 1 millisecond, but that's not my point).

I just don't know how it will all end. Even if I did know, it wouldn't be comforting. Not even if I knew ahead of time 100 years before it would occur, I still wouldn't feel comforted. Life is so freaking short, I feel like crying.

Even those that have already been dead for a while and have been 'immortalized' throughout history and people still talk about them today, well they don't know that. To them, the last thing they knew was whatever they were doing in the era they lived in. They don't know of any advancements that came about due to their work. They don't know nor could they have imagined the kinds of technology and other wonders that we have today.

They would be blown away by it all if they were still alive, but they will never know about what any of the future would be like. It really does suck. I read about people all the time on Wikipedia, and I'm always imagining that they somehow knew they were on it, but they don't. They're just some long lost history, they only know about what existed in the era that they lived in, outside of that, in the future, they know nothing of.

Any kind of way I imagine dying sucks. Do I fear death? I don't think I do. Well, I don't want it to happen, at the same time I know it's inevitable. Whew. I really don't want to die. Everyone just lives life not even thinking about death, at all.

I remember when I was in high school I used to be scared of talking to and asking girls out. There's no point in the fear. I knew that back then but was still frightened. What was the point of being afraid? That moment passed by quickly, my entire high school life passed by quickly, and those moments are memories now while back then they were so vivid and those present moments felt so real. Just like the inevitability of every moment passing by, there's an inevitability to growing older, and then eventually dying. It just doesn't seem like it's possible at the moment, just like how the moment feels like it'll last forever, it doesn't. It all ends, everything.

8:20 AM

Well this is something I already knew but completely forgot about: calorie restriction. Supposedly eating less calories helps you live longer. I need to do that to lose weight anyway. Win-Win for me.

8:23 PM

Whoa it's been over 12 hours since I last wrote anything! Anyway I thought about death again this morning and read through some sources. Someone remarked that they fainted once and it felt sort of like dying.

9:00 PM

Whoops, I got distracted there for a second. I tried to find the original source and I ended up reading through a bunch of the comments, and then I somehow ended up back on YouTube to find out how anesthesia worked, and from there I saw a few videos of the Anesthesia Challenge (trying to stay awake while being put on anesthesia), and from there I watched a video on how Anesthesia worked, and then I saw a video on how blood types work, and then I saw a video about death and when you die, etc, etc.

Whew, glad I was able to recall the past 35 minutes well. Also I stood up maybe once or twice during the past 35 minutes, both times to go to the kitchen to grab some food, and yeah this is the same day that I wrote about 'calorie restriction' and yet I'm not even doing it.

I seem to push things off for 'tomorrow' like I have taxes due, I have to change the water on the fish aquarium, I have to upload my photos, I have to upload my entries, I have to update my site. I have those things on my to do list. It seems like it's really hard for me to concentrate on one thing or even multiple things despite trying my best. There's distractions at every corner, and I also need to have self-control to catch myself doing something I'm not supposed to.

Yesterday I actually imagined today to be the day I get back on track with my daily exercise of walking, and the day I upload all my photos, all my entries, and clean the fish tank, and finish the exam. Now I'm pushing that back to tomorrow and I hope I can get those things done by then. In fact I'm actually going to work on my Task List for tomorrow right now, so I can get it prepared.

10:03 PM

Whew. I retook the 106 question quiz again after studying and was able to get a 96% this time which is not bad. It was a lot easier because there were a lot of repeat questions, but there were also a few that I had encountered for the first time (or maybe I just didn't review properly or remember correctly) and I got some of those wrong.

I'm going to take the final exam soon. First I'm going to take a short break by going outside for a few minutes, this will be the first time I set foot outside in days.

10:20 PM

Wow I'm out of breath. I'm really out of shape after not having exercised for several days and eating a bunch of junk food. I feel that my stomach is a lot bigger than it was before, and I also smell bad because I haven't taken a shower in a while.

Anyway, time to take the exam.

11:48 PM

I got distracted by one thing and then another thing for an hour, and then after realizing it too late, I started the exam. Whew. Finally done with the final exams. I don't know what my final score is, I think there's a week or so to wait for it to be graded. I hope I passed the class.

I haven't signed up for any of the...

Tasks Today
Study (5 Hours)
Final Exam
Web Development (1 Hour)

Upload Photos
Upload Entries
Write February Journal Entries
Instagram Photo Downloader
Clean Up YouTube Channel

Steps Taken: 0
Lines of Code: 0
Calories Consumed: 2400+
Journal Words: 1451
Drawings: 0

Time Log

12:00 AM – Watching TV – 1:30 AM

1:57 AM – Sleep – 3:47 AM

3:47 AM – Wasting Time – 5:13 AM

5:13 AM – Studying – 6:27 AM

6:27 AM – Writing Journal – 6:31 AM

6:31 AM – Break – 7:04 AM

7:04 AM – Writing Journal – 7:39 PM

7:39 PM – Reading about Death – 8:20 AM

8:20 AM – Writing Journal – 8:23 AM

8:23 AM – Reading about Random – 9:23 AM

9:23 AM – Wasting Time – 7:23 PM

7:23 PM – Studying – 8:23 PM

8:23 PM – Writing Journal – 8:25 PM

8:25 PM – Watching Videos – 9:00 PM

9:00 PM – Writing Journal – 9:05 PM

9:05 PM – Distraction – 9:23 PM

9:23 PM – Setting Up Tomorrow – 9:29 PM

9:29 PM – Studying – 10:03 PM

10:03 PM – Writing Journal – 10:05 PM

10:05 PM – Walking Outside – 10:20 PM

10:20 PM – Writing Journal – 10:21 PM

10:21 PM – Distraction – 11:29 PM

11:29 PM – Final Exam – 11:48 PM

11:48 PM – Writing Journal – 11:51 PM

11:51 PM – Troubleshooting – 11:59 PM

Productive Hours (4:52)
Studying (2:48)
Writing Journal (0:53)
Reading about Death (0:41)
Setting Up Tomorrow (0:06)
Walking Outside (0:15)
Final Exam (0:19)
Troubleshooting (0:08)

Neutral Hours (2:23)
Sleep (1:50)
Break (0:33)

Unproductive Hours (15:57)
Watching TV (1:30)
Wasting Time (1:26)
Reading about Random (1:00)
Wasting Time (10:00)
Watching Videos (0:35)
Distraction (1:26)

Megg's Horses
Math: 0
Art: 2
Python: 5
Web Development: 82
Java: 0
Programming: 4
Exercise: 12